There was no dancing around May poles this May Day.  With COVID restrictions as they are, intertwined children and ribbons are not a good thing.  But spring flowers are dancing in the breezes.  Lilies of the valley look as though they could ring those little bells as they shake in the wind.  Tulips are a bit stiffer, but they too move, in a stately way --- rather more like a minuet than the free-form bobbing of the little lilies.  Lilacs will soon be scenting the atmosphere everywhere around along with dogwood and apple blossoms.  A little celebratory pirouette on the lawn would not be amiss.

Even with necessary cautions still in place, and the awareness of those ill due to variants of the original virus, I think we all feel that we can see light at the end of this unusual tunnel.  We are simply trusting it isn’t an on-coming train!  Spring seems to bring with it this up-beat positivity; the world doesn’t look quite so bleak when grass greens and trees begin leafing out.  Roethke* says: “Deep in their roots, all flowers keep the light.”  Perhaps that profound thought is why, with the first little snow drops and later the daffodils, a sense of newness and refreshment comes flooding in, regardless of the stray snowstorm or continuing pandemic.  The early daffodils have faded but are being replaced by later narcissus, and more and more garden plants are growing and thriving.  It is hard to be anything but optimistic in May.  If a person can criticize creation amid all this lushness, they need to remove their blinders or go on retreat!

Some weeks ago, the group of women with whom I meet on Fridays, discussed the very human habit of harboring a critical spirit---- the tendency to blithely see past the log in our own eye, zeroing in on the annoying little speck in another’s eye.  It is so very easy to be critical that surely it must be one of those innate human traits that, as we mature, we should curb; sort of like getting over sucking one’s thumb.  I am remembering a day when I was too tired to bake, so I purchased a package of molasses cookies in the grocery store.  As I ate one along with my cup of tea, the baker in me said to myself: “These are really thin and don’t have quite the flavor of my cookies.”  Catching myself, I thought ---- “This is a COOKIE!  It is a goodie to eat with my cup of tea. I spent no time baking it.  WHY am I criticizing it????”  We are so quick to judge/criticize/wish something could be different.  And I think we do this with ourselves as well as those around us.  From people we do not know at all to the people we see daily; maybe especially those for whom we really care, we tend to be swiftly critical.  And we metaphorically beat ourselves up as well.  I’m thinking maybe May would be a good month for affirming people ----- those at a distance, in our community, in our homes and ourselves.

Complimenting people on doing a good job, on being responsible and faithful to task, on being good people, is probably one of the kindest things we can do and yet we seldom think to do it.  Many parents (and I include myself here) as we teach our children, too often concentrate on their faults instead of affirming all the good things that they are and do.  Married couples frequently find fault with each other, forgetting the qualities that drew them together in the first place.  Frequent criticism tends to strip away self-confidence and self-esteem, no matter what a person’s maturity level, and may take years (if ever) to repair the damage.  At one conference I attended, we were asked to make a list of our good points and another list of our negative qualities.  Guess which list was almost always the longest.   So even if your family and friends all seem confident, capable, kind, generous and good to their dog, they may not see their own fineness, and it is a kindness to let them know what you see.  Warming hearts is a joyous thing to do, for our own hearts are often warmed at the same time.

May is “Older Americans’ Month”.  Having worked for an Area Agency on Aging for over 20 years, I’m quite aware of achieving and celebrating the Older Americans’ Act of 1965.   Older people, in our culture, are too often disregarded, and ignoring people has the same effect as constant criticism; ignored people fade into the woodwork.  They feel that no one really wants to hear what they have to say; that their experiences are worthless.  Ageism is alive and well all over this country.  What a waste!  There is vast wisdom in people who have lived for seventy plus years; I learned so much while working with them.  People who came to my office not only came with questions or problems, but they had lived out amazing experiences; they danced, told jokes, were compassionate, didn’t suffer fools gladly and found life worth living even in pain, poverty or the nightly news.   I learned about integrity --- and the lack thereof.  I learned about wonderful families ---- and those who were bad to the point of being abusive.  I learned about living well ---- and dying well.

I am now the age that many of my clients were, and what I understood intellectually back when I was working with older Americans, I now understand in my heart (and creaky body and unreliable mind).  And I’m grateful for what I took away from my years there --- from the lady who refused to do PT because it hurt too much (and spent her remaining days in a wheelchair) to the woman who had a pizza party for family in her hospital room a few hours before she died; fear versus courage.  If you are a young person, take the time to really listen to an older person this month.  Look into their eyes and absorb what they are saying.  If you are an elderly person, be glad for your collection of life experiences and stories and find a way to share them.

Mother’s Day is Sunday.  I am, in recent years, just a little sad on this holiday because neither my mother nor Kerm’s mother are still with us, nor are some of the other people who I considered “mother figures”.  I miss having tea with them, laughing with them and talking things over.  My grandmothers died when I was quite young, so in my elementary school years, I kept “adopting” grandmothers; an elderly neighbor up the road, my older sister-in-law’s mother, a kindly older woman at church.  These delightful women all influenced me when I needed to fill that empty “Grandma” space.  When Kerm and I moved to the community in Pennsylvania where our children were born, there were many women who “took me under their wings” and helped me get over homesickness, feel more confident as a new parent and just made life better.   Some were considerably older than I; some were closer in age, but all were aware that I needed some TLC. and extended helping hands.  I will be forever grateful to Nancy, Freda, Ella, Connie, Joy, Mabel, Hertha, Marge, Betty Jane, Barbara and others.

One does not have to physically bear children to provide motherly or grandmotherly influence nor does one even have to be of the female gender.  So Happy Mother’s Day to every individual out there who has ever nurtured, affirmed and blessed any person (child or adult) who, for a time, needed tender, loving care.

“ ‘Tis merry in the greenwood --- thus runs the old lay ---In the gladsome months of lively May……..” ** May always seems to me to be a happy month ---- even though as much sadness can happen in May as in any other time of the year.  In the countryside, things are bursting with life.  It is true that the bears have already been back to harass us (so far a mama with a trio of year-old cubs) and the raccoon babies will be out and about, eating the cats’ food and creating a loud hoo-hah during the night with their quarreling.  People are still getting sick and dying.  Wars still go on.  But ----- grass is growing, the violets are in bloom and the birds are singing.   “….Though a thousand branches join their screen, yet the broken sunbeams glance between, and tip the leaves with lighter green, with brighter tints the flowers….”**  The seasons go on regardless of human intervention or problems.  And it is a healing and a balm to take full enjoyment of what May brings.

Carol may be reached at: carol42wilde@htva.net.

*-Theodore Roethke --- American poet.  He was the son of a German immigrant and he was born in Saginaw, Michigan.  He was a university professor, teaching poetry, and was considered by many to be one of the greatest American poets of his time.  He won a Pulitzer Prize in 1959.  1908-1965

**-“’Tis Merry In the Greenwood” by Sir Walter Scott--- Scottish novelist, poet, playwright and historian.  1771-1832.