Jump to content

Ryan O'Connell

Contributor
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Content Count

    52

  • Joined

  • Last visited

    Never

Blog Entries posted by Ryan O'Connell

  1. Ryan O'Connell
    It’s a movie about a soul band. They’re from Ireland.
    When it comes to describing the movie The Commitments, that’s a good place to start. The 1991 film is about a young Irishman’s dream of forming the best band soul band to ever come out of Ireland. An Irish soul band might not sound right, but in young Jimmy Rabbitte’s eyes, it makes perfect sense. If soul music is a product of the disenfranchised, then who better than the Irish to take a crack at it.
    Or in his words:
    With the justification out of the way, Rabbitte then proceeds to assemble his group. He needs a horn section of course as well as some back-up singers. And then he needs a singer, but not just any singer. Rabbitte needs a soul singer, someone who can channel the pain and suffering of soul music and reach to the heavens with a sound that comes from deep within their belly. Such a singer would be hard to find anywhere but in Dublin in the late 1980s, it’s even harder as you’re more likely to find pop singers and wannabe punk rockers. Undeterred, Rabbitte finds his singer (and the trouble that comes with him,) assembles his band, convinces a local church to host them as part of an anti-heroin campaign and The Commitments are off.
    And then they’re not.
    But that’s not the point and actually, the fact that the band doesn’t survive makes the story that much more believable and enjoyable. The story of someone trying their best and failing is more often than not the better story than the story of someone succeeding. Success is boring, failure is relateable.
    I’m getting ahead of myself, though.
    Released over thirty years ago, The Commitments is based on a book of the same name. It wasn’t very well-received on this side of the Atlantic but was generally praised back over in England where it went on to win a handful of BAFTAs (the British Oscars.) The film produced two soundtracks, filled with the band’s takes on several soul classics by everyone from Wilson Pickett to Otis Redding. The combination of the soundtrack and the always welcomed story of underdogs trying to make something of themselves have led to the film becoming more appreciated over time, achieving cult-status and making the list of the best British films of all-time.
    The Commitments is one of those movies I happened to come across back in the day at Videoport (RIP,) a local video story in sunny Portland, Maine. At the time, I was familiar with soul music but overall, was deep within the throes of musical exploration. It was peak-sponge time for me, I was consuming as much music as I could. That meant devouring classic albums and greatest hits collections in addition to watching movies about music, whether it was Pink Floyd’s The Wall or The Blues Brothers.
    I couldn’t tell you when was the first time I saw The Commitments but I can tell you I’ve watched it countless times since then and the soundtrack (the first one, I didn’t know there was a second one until today) was in heavy rotation for me during high school, right up there with Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Green Day, eventually Phish and whatever else I was rifling through during that time. The versions of the classics on the album are honest and respectful takes on the originals, which is about all you can ask for when it comes to cover songs. They come from a place of appreciation and it’s something that comes across both when you listen to the songs or watch them in the film. The band believes in what they’re singing, something that is necessary when performing most genres of music, but especially soul music.
    The movie is a simple story, something that I feel is part of the appeal of The Commitments. And it’s a film with a wonderful crew of characters, musical archetypes that are lovingly familiar. There are the dudes who just want to play music and be happy and there’s the sax player on a journey of discovery as he tries to decide what direction to follow musically. The drummer(s) are lunatics, the piano player is a saint and the trumpet player is the wise old veteran (maybe.) With three backup singers, there’s the local hot gal, the tomboy, and the girl next door. As a whole, none of these are new characters, but they don’t need to be. Knowing them already allows the story to bypass some backstory in favor of musical numbers and/or tension-building within the band, both of which are more important to the film’s overall story.
    While the movie is driven by the music, it’s the relationships that form and subsequently explode magnificently within the band that drives the film. There are friends, there are lovers, there are rivals and there is plenty of contempt to go around. You know, like most bands. Any band worth a damn is going to have a level of combustibility to it and The Commitments are no exception. Young Rabbitte essentially threw a few sticks of dynamite into a road case and hoped for the best. Unfortunately, what few bumps in the road the band drove across right out of the gate was all that was needed to start setting them off. The band was doomed from the start, but Rabbitte either didn’t see it or didn’t want to. If anything, he welcomed the struggle, seeing it as part of the band’s journey. Rabbitte’s optimism, determination, and drive is the film’s north star and it’s nice to see that even when everything falls apart around him, he doesn’t completely lose any of it. It’s easy to imagine Rabbitte spending a few days stewing on the failure of his soul experiment before turning his attention to something new. Country music maybe?
    The movie is a moment in time film in that it’s a story that isn’t the characters’ entire lives, just a brief part of it. They came in with their own lived experiences and left set to embark on whatever was ahead of them, whether it was a domesticated life, more attempts at musical stardom, or whatever Joey Fagan and his weird mom were going to do next. It’s a testament to the story that when the film ends, you want to know what happens next for the band members even though they’re now all essentially solo acts. The band is part of their story, it’s not the whole story.
    And who among us hasn’t experienced something like the characters in The Commitments did, a brief respite from our normal lives?
    It almost doesn’t matter that the band didn’t pan out. For a few weeks there, the members of the band had found a purpose and some hope amidst a life of theirs that wasn’t especially bursting with either. There’s a lurking despondency on the fringes of The Commitments that is always there but it’s not something that’s harped on. You can feel it in the decision-making of each of the characters though. The band isn’t so much of a physical way out of their daily lives as it is an emotional one and pouring themselves into something as beautiful as soul music is fitting because of the transportive nature of soul music, how it’s music rooted in the idea of coming to face with your demons, your loves, your losses, and your own self.
    For them, The Commitments was an escape and for me, The Commitments is an escape.
    We all have movies that stick with us throughout our lives, movies that speak to us and resonate with us in one way or the other. The Commitments is that kind of movie for me and I can’t see that changing anytime soon.
    Ryan harbors a constant fear of losing his keys, prefers flip flops, and will always choose cereal if it’s an option. He maintains his own blog, Giddy Up America, and has previously contributed work to UPROXX & Heavy. Ryan is on Twitter: @ryanoconnell79
  2. Ryan O'Connell
    Growing up, I was introduced to Saturday Night Live courtesy of reruns on Comedy Central. It was how I got to know Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Phil Hartman and then Adam Sandler, David Spade, and of course, Chris Farley. Occasionally I’d catch reruns of the first few seasons and once high school came around, I got to know some of the original cast members, but I think everyone has that one cast that was your first love and mine was that crew in the early 90s.
    Ah but then came Will Ferrell, arguably the show’s best cast member ever. Settle down- you can say Eddie Murphy or Myers or John Belushi or Kristen Wiig and you wouldn’t get much pushback from me. Ultimately it’s subjective and Ferrell was and is my dude. When I think of my favorite sketches or characters, a lot of the roads lead back toward his direction.
    But while there are favorite sketches and sketches generally considered the best, if you’re a long-time viewer of the show, then there is going to be a different kind of sketch that needs to be accounted for. It’s the sketches that occupy a permanent space in your memory and a sketch you come back to fairly regularly. I love the Cowbell sketch, but I can’t tell you the last time I watched it. But the sketch where Garth Brooks sells his soul to the devil for a great song? That’s a different story. I find myself quoting that one fairly regularly and fondly thinking about it even more.
    So that’s what this list is. It’s the ten sketches I think about the most. The reason why is a little bit of a mixed bag but it doesn’t matter the how. It matters that these ten sketches are ones I think about more than any other.
    10. Herb Welch: Falling Ice
    Bill Hader was so much fun on Saturday Night Live and it’s hard to pick just one of his characters and/or sketches. I mean come on….Stefon? But man do I love Herb Welch. It’s Hartman’s classic Unfrozen Cave Man Lawyer but less apologetic. The physical comedy is great, but the bonus is old Herb’s utter contempt for the anchors, whether calling them a “human tie rack” or asking if they should be cleaning a hotel room somewhere.
    9. Amazon Echo Silver
    This is one of those sketches where the show just nails it. Yeah, the Amazon Echo is mad confusing for our beloved old people. It requires patience and enunciation- two things that are not a strong point for seniors. Kenan Thompson asking about “ol’ Satchel Paige’ and replying “I don’t know about that” gets me every time. Add in Kate McKinnon playing a weird old lady was always gold.
    8. Cobras & Panthers
    A Norm MacDonald classic! Only Norm could drive this sketch and really highlight the absurdity of musicals, especially ones involving the tougher elements of society. I mean, who among us hasn’t raised an eyebrow when a street game breaks into song and choreography? And yeah, I know it’s a musical. It’s part of the game. Sure. But it’s still weird and always kind of funny. MacDonald’s SNLtenure is largely marked by his run hosting Weekend Update and rightfully so. But when the material was right, there were few better at anchoring sketches that really veered toward absurdity and probably more specifically, calling attention to absurdity.
    7. A December to Remember
    This parody of Christmas-time car commercials has become my go-to sketch to watch when December rolls around. I have no idea what A.P.R. is either if we’re being honest. But I also am smart enough to know that I’d never buy a car for my wife or even for my family without running that one up the flag pole. And that’s if I was gainfully employed! Some of the best sketches are the ones that have twists around every corner and the stakes continue to get raised throughout. So it’s not as if homeboy just bought a car without checking, but he’s also unemployed, might have a drinking problem, potentially has a thing for his son’s girlfriend, and has no idea how car finances work. It’s gold from start to finish.
    6. Consumer Probe: Irwin Mainway
    A bag of glass isn’t dangerous! You hold it up and you can see all the colors in the rainbow. Wonderful. Good for kids of all ages.
    Part of what makes sketches like ‘Consumer Probe’ so enduring is the images that they create. You know, like the legend Dan Akyroyd wielding a chainsaw coming out of a giant teddy bear’s stomach.
    5. Colon Blow
    Speaking of enduring images, I don’t know why, but I always think about the ‘Colon Blow’ commercial and the late, great Phil Hartman perched atop a massive pyramid of cereal bowls. And now I watch it and am kind of amazed at the production value. They did this back in the day, so I just imagine those all being real bowls of cereal. Ah, yes. Simpler times.
    4. Podcast Set for White Guys
    “We’re white guys. We need to say every dumb thing into a microphone and not get in trouble.”
    In the lead-up to the 2024 Presidential Election, it’s amazing how many times I thought of this sketch.
    3. El Nino
    Oh Chris Farley, you miraculous, hulking comedic comet of a man. He could do anything and he could do it well. I don’t know who decided to make him El Nino, but good work by whoever that was. It reminds me of how in recent years, the show has had Bowen Yang play things like the iceberg that sunk the Titanic and one of the drones flying above New Jersey. There’s something that is so much fun about making something like a weather occurrence a character and Farley making El Nino essentially a professional wrestler was a fantastic choice.
    2. Devil Can’t Write No Love Song
    “Weekends/I prefer the weekends!”
    The idea of a struggling musician contemplating selling his soul to the devil in exchange for a killer song is a tale as old as time. Although, there’s a pretty big assumption baked in that premise that this sketch decides to tackle: what if the Devil can’t write a good song either? Yeah, no one ever thought of that. We just figured the Devil could shred and that was that.
      That’s not the case here as Will Ferrell unleashes the wrong kind of hell onto Garth Brooks, who is left wondering if there’s an out clause in the agreement he made with the Lord of Darkness. 1. Jacuzzi Lifeguard
    This is the one. This is the sketch I probably randomly think about the most. And every time I think about it, I laugh. Every time I watch it, I laugh. It’s the first SNL sketch I showed my oldest daughter and was so happy to watch her laugh while watching it.
    The key to this sketch is that it needs to be anchored by actors who give it all and don’t hold back and that’s exactly what you get with Jim Carrey as the overzealous lifeguard, Ferrell as the unsuspecting “swimmer” and Tim Meadows, who is just looking to get some laps in.
    It’s such a simple premise that gets blown up thanks to the performances and becomes this wild epic opera of beautiful absurdity. I think sometimes the show can get high on its own supply and overthink things here. But this sketch proves that sometimes all you need is a ridiculous premise and equally ridiculous performers willing to take the idea and run with it.
    Or swim with it. Provided it’s lap time of course.
     
     
    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.
    To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com
  3. Ryan O'Connell
    Note: portions of this piece originally appeared on Brobible
    In the O’Connell house, Christmas movies adhere to a pretty strict schedule.
    First, there’s Elf. That is then followed by Home Alone. After that, it’s usually The Holiday and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. My wife will sneak in a couple of those wonderfully predictable Hallmark movies in as well throughout the month because I think she’s required to by law. At the very least, I feel like she’s contractually obligated to watch at least five of them during the month of December, but as of now, I have yet to prove it.
    I will though. Don’t worry.
    Last on the schedule is National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. We usually watch this one on Christmas night. We might catch bits and pieces before that but we don’t sit down to watch the whole thing from start to finish until the very end of the season.
     
     
    I think this is because it might be our favorite, although I’m not entirely sure. It’s become a tradition to watch it last, and as with most traditions, neither of us can remember why it started. I will say that it’s one of three Christmas movies (the others being Elf and Home Alone) I have absolutely no problem rewatching. Why? Because it’s hilarious and literally never gets old. It’s full of great quotes, great scenes, and (probably most importantly) great characters. Add in a couple of nice seasonal brews and you got yourself a nice little evening.
    Speaking of these great characters (and speaking of drinking), I’d like to set out to determine which character from Christmas Vacation would be the best one to hang out with and throw back some mugs of hot chocolate laced with peppermint schnapps alongside.
    Let’s get to it.
    20. Art Smith
    Ugh, Art is the worst. He’s Ellen’s father, making him Clark’s father-in-law and he is the epitome of a terrible father-in-law.
    I bet when Clark asked Art for his permission to marry Ellen, Art said no and claimed Clark wasn’t good enough for his daughter. Clark didn’t take it personally, though, because no one had ever been good enough for Ellen. No one would ever be good enough for Ellen and that is just the way how things are going to be.
    Ellen eventually went ahead and married Clark anyway, which could be part of the reason why Art is such a dick to him.
    But it’s the holidays, Art. Give it a break, bub.
    19. Todd Chester
    Todd, the Griswold’s neighbor, is a no-go not only because he’s a textbook 1980s yuppie but because he definitely would want to drink something weird and expensive. I don’t ever want to drink something weird and expensive.
    If I spend more than $12 on a bottle of wine I need to spend ten minutes really thinking about it first.
    What would I talk about with Todd? I’d like to think I can talk to anyone about anything but we all have our limits and I feel very strongly that those limits would be tested when hanging out with him.
    I guess we could talk about both being white dudes? Maybe we’ll just talk about tennis or something instead. Regardless, he’d definitely talk way too much about whatever we’re talking about because he definitely also does cocaine.
    18. Frank Shirley
    What do we know about Frank Shirley?
    We know he’s Clark’s boss and that he’s cheap because he elected to skip Christmas bonuses in favor of signing up his employees for a subscription to the Jelly of the Month club.
    We know he has a big house and wears old man pajamas to bed.
    We know that when he doesn’t want to talk to someone, he pretends he’s on the phone.
    That last one I can appreciate. Who among us hasn’t done that? Frank Shirley would love cell phones because it’s so much easier to pretend you’re on the phone now than it was in 1989.
    But that’s not enough to make me want to spend any time with Frank.
    17. Rocky Johnson
    Eddie and Catherine’s son seems like a great kid, albeit a quiet one. I’m not going to hold being quiet against him. I’m quiet too.
    However, because I’m quiet, I don’t want to hang out with someone else that’s quiet because then we’re just two quiet people hanging out together being quiet and that sounds terrible. I mean, it is terrible. I’ve done it. It leads to lots of staring off and seemingly endless uncomfortable silences.
    No offense, Rocky, but we’re not hanging out anytime soon.
    It’s not you, it’s me.
    Well, it’s also you, but whatever. You’re too young to drink and I feel like that’s important to note.
    16. Margo Chester
    If you think Margo should be ranked lower—maybe even tied with her husband Todd—I wouldn’t really argue with you there. They are both pretty terrible.
    The only reason why I did rank Margo here is because I’d be willing to bet that after a few drinks, she’s actually probably kind of fun to hang out with.
    I can imagine her talking a bunch of shit about people we both know and making fun of Todd, who we both agree is a tool. Plus she’d definitely be rude in a funny way to the bartender, and from a spectator’s standpoint, that could be fun.
    Until it isn’t.
    Then I’m out.
    Rocky is picking me up.

    15. The Squirrel
    The squirrel was the victim and it was in no way his fault that he ended up in the Griswold house. Homeboy was collateral damage. I feel like he’s painted as a villain but that is just not the case.
    Did you know that one time I found a dead squirrel in my backyard, and upon inspection, found absolutely no evidence of foul play? There was no blood. There were no missing limbs. There weren’t even any branches surrounding the tree; nothing to indicate that there had been some sort of incident in the tree that the dead squirrel was laying under.
    My conclusion was the squirrel either died of natural causes, suffered a massive heart attack, or worse, was poisoned. I did not conduct any kind of toxicology tests on the body so I can’t confirm this. But I have my suspicions.
    Why is this relevant here?
    Well, it’s not really other than that it’s a story about a squirrel but I had to tell someone about it.
    14. Ruby Sue Johnson
    Eddie and Catherine’s daughter was a sweetheart. And at least she talked, which gives her a leg up on her mute younger brother.
    I like hanging out with nice people and Ruby Sue certainly seems like a nice person.
    I don’t really know what we’d talk about but hey, at least we could talk about something unlike hanging out with old Rocky over there. She’s the daughter of Eddie and Catherine and they live in a busted up RV. I’m sure she has some wild stories.
    Plus she can talk. I really can’t stress that enough. Sure, she might not be able to drink but I’d still be down to shoot the shit with her.
    13. Francis Smith
    Ellen’s mother-in-law isn’t much better than her husband but that’s not saying much. It bears repeating: Art is an asshole.
    But you know, rarely did you ever see Francis without a glass of wine in her hand and that tells me that Francis is down to have some fun. She’d probably get a little “old lady drunk” and that’s always entertaining.
    Well, at least until she says something inappropriate, and when it comes to being old lady drunk, that’s always on the table and always a gamble. It could be something relatively minor, like letting a family secret slip, or it could be super cringe-worthy, like dropping the n-word or something. You just never know.
    But hey, until then? It’d be hilarious.
    12. Cousin Catherine
    You know what they say, right? You have to look out for the quiet ones.
    You know why they say that, right? Because it’s true.
    You do have to look out for the quiet ones, especially after they’ve had a few drinks. For some reason, the quiet ones get a few drinks in them and everything they’ve been keeping inside comes pouring out.
    All those things that they’ve been thinking about—all the snide comments they’ve been sitting on and all the hot takes, the cold takes, and the lukewarm takes—reveal themselves. Out come the good jokes and the bad jokes and the not in any way appropriate jokes.
    Somewhere in between drink two and drink three, the bumpers come down, the wheels come off, and it’s all systems go from then on.
    Cousin Catherine is one of the quiet ones for sure.
    11. Clark Griswold
    Now, before you get upset and fired up that Clark is ranked so low, let’s discuss this like mature adults and agree that Clark is a lot to deal with.
    As the kids would say, this dude is extra.
    Clark is a man of big dreams and big hopes. He wants everything to be perfect and for everything to be a certain way. If things aren’t that way, he tends to lose it, and from there, things get dark. He threatens people, he holds people hostage, he recklessly cuts down trees, and damages people’s property.
    Clark is a loose cannon who is driven by emotion and that’s a dangerous combination.
    As with a few other people we’ve talked about so far, Clark would be fun but only to a certain point. For those first few drinks, Clark is probably a good hang. I don’t think anyone is denying that.
    It’s after those first few drinks where things can take a turn and I don’t like to be part of situations that take a turn. It makes me uncomfortable.
    You’d end up apologizing for Clark at some point. It’s bound to happen.

    10. Aunt Bethany
    What can I say? I enjoy the company of an elderly firecracker.
    With Aunt Bethany, you just pull that cord and see where it goes. It could go in a variety of directions and I’d venture to guess that a good amount of those directions are wonderfully entertaining.
    However, I think it’d be helpful to have some topics in mind and prompts ready. Like, “Aunt Bethany, what do you think about climate change?” or “Aunt Bethany, do you think there’s life on Mars?”
    Aunt Bethany seems like the kind of gal who could (and would) definitely be willing to give you her thoughts on just about anything and I for one am down to hear every single one of them.
    9. Nora Griswold
    Clark’s mom seems like a very nice person. She seems pleasant and sweet and I bet she listens to NPR a lot and is well-versed in murder mysteries set on Cape Cod or Long Island.
    I also bet she knits.
    I don’t knit. I made a pillow once in a middle school Home Ec class but it came out hard as a rock and would have been better used as a weapon than as a pillow. Seeing as how it was in middle school, I probably did use it as a weapon. Middle school-aged boys are idiots. That’s a proven fact.
    But I’d drink some Chardonnay and talk with Nora about something she had recently learned about on NPR or maybe even talk about knitting.
    I bet it’d be a treat and that’s all I’m going to say about that.

    8. Mary the Lingerie Saleswoman
    Mary is a blank slate. She is an unknown. Her name is Mary and she sells lingerie.
    Is her name even Mary or is it an alias? Does she go by Mary during the holidays to help lure in clueless, middle-aged husbands who are shopping for their wives? Is that something that would actually work? I never really worked in retail so I’m not sure if that’d be an effective strategy or not.
    Does Mary even exist or is she just a figment of Clark’s imagination? I mean, she’s probably real. Rusty saw her, after all.
    But what if Rusty saw someone else—the person who was really there selling lingerie as opposed to Mary, who Clark saw but really just imagined because Clark has the tendency to live in a fantasy world?
    I might be overthinking this. It’s very possible. It’s happened before.
    Well, whether she’s real or not, I’d be down to hang out with her (or “her”) for a bit and I really don’t feel like I have to explain why.

    7. Uncle Lewis
    When it comes to Uncle Lewis, it’s pretty simple.
    Two words:

    Uncle Lewis is either going to be a great time, the worst time, or he’s going to pass out after two drinks and that will be that.
    There’s no in-between.
    I’m down.
    6. Audrey Griswold
    Let’s get into some high school gossip. Let’s do it.
    Who’s dating who? Who hates who? I want to know all of it.
    Audrey looks like the kind of gal who can talk some shit and I’m game for that too, especially if I’m a little drunk.
    I want the dirt and I want to throw some dirt and Audrey seems like a good candidate to be involved with both.
    5. Cousin Eddie
    I know Cousin Eddie looks like he’d be fun and that he looks like he’d be a good time but that’s all on the surface. I’m not here to make judgments based on what’s on the surface. I’m going to go deep, kid. I’m operating beneath the surface because beneath the surface is where the truth lies.
    The truth about Cousin Eddie is that, for starters, if you go out with him, you are definitely paying. Don’t kid yourself. Eddie might say he’s buying (or at the very least say he’s buying a round) but he’s not. Homeboy rolled up in a beat-to-shit RV and needs Clark to help buy his kids Christmas presents. Eddie isn’t buying a damn thing.
    He’ll order, though, and that’s where it gets problematic.
    I don’t mind paying every so often but I’m no Frank Shirley. I don’t have much in terms of means and I have to live within the few means I do have. I’d be worried that if I offered to pick up the tab, old Cousin Eddie over there might go a little overboard and I’d be stuck paying more than I had planned. I don’t even think he’d do it maliciously. I think he’d just do it; he’d just start throwing back Coors Lights and that’d be the end of it.
    That leads us to another problem and that is that Cousin Eddie might go too far. Clark was spouting off about his boss and Cousin Eddie took him seriously and ended up kidnapping a dude. I don’t want the same thing to happen to me. I say some ridiculous shit when I’m drunk. We all do! But rarely are we saying things that we actually want to see happen. There’s that wall that separates drunken ramblings and boastings from reality. I very much appreciate that wall in my life.
    I suspect Cousin Eddie doesn’t know about the wall and that would make me nervous.
    I’m not saying I’d never hang out with Cousin Eddie. He is ranked pretty high on this list.
    I’m just saying that if I were to go out drinking with him, I’d be keeping an eye on him. That’s all.
    4. Rusty Griswold
    For this to work, I think it’s better if we imagine Rusty is a bit older. And it’s also this version of Rusty, as opposed to the older version of Rusty that was in Vegas Vacation and then the even older version that was in the Vacation reboot.
    I feel like this designation is important because Christmas Vacation Rusty is super chill. If he had been nursing a beer during that scene where he’s watching the parade, that would have made complete sense. Maybe he was? He might have been.
    Rusty was kind of cool and I would venture to guess that a Rusty that was a decade or so older would also be pretty cool and a good hang.
    Obviously, a lot can happen in 10 years but I feel pretty good about this one.
    3. Ellen Griswold
    Ellen could hang. I know this because she hid cigarettes and that’s a move I can not only respect but can relate too.
    Also, Ellen figured out why the lights weren’t working when no one else could. I don’t think this is at all indicative of whether or not she’d be fun to drink with but I do think it’s helpful overall in figuring that out because it shows she has a good head on her shoulders and is cool under pressure.
    She knows how to get things done.
    Ellen walks into a crowded bar and knows exactly where to position herself so as to best get the bartender’s attention.
    Ellen walks into a crowded bar and instantly knows what group of people are about to get up from their table.
    Ellen walks into a crowded bar and doesn’t need to see the drink list.
    Ellen walks into a crowded bar and finds a good place to put her coat where no one will mess with it or steal it.
    Ellen walks into a crowded bar and five people say hi to her but she only says hi to three of them.
    Those other two people can pound sand.

    2. Clark Griswold Sr.
    Why?
    Well, look at when Clark Sr. is consoling his son, explaining that not everything is perfect. Clark Jr. is upset because his big old-fashion family Christmas isn’t going as planned and he wants to know how his dad did it back in the day.
    With help from Jack Daniel’s, of course.
    Clark Sr. is a true O.G. family man. He never let his kids see him sweat and worked out his frustrations in private. I respect that. I want to know more about that; I want to know how a dad pulls that off.
    More importantly, Clark Sr. knew what to say and when to say it and that’s just Good Dad 101.

    1. Snots
    I don’t care if Snots (I always thought it was “Snot” but I did some research and, yes, it’s “Snots”) has “a bit of Mississippi Leg Hound in him” or not. I like dogs. I love dogs. Cats are fine. I don’t have any problems with cats. I mean, I don’t trust them and think they’re always up to something, but other than that, I’m cool with cats.
    But dogs are just the best.
    I know Snots has his issues and might not be the most well-behaved dog out there but I’m fine with that. He’s a little rough around the edges. Big deal. Who among us isn’t also a little rough around the edges?
    If you have a dog, then you know that just chilling with a dog is one of the best things in the world. Happiness is sitting back—whether it’s on your couch or on a deck or in a park—and relaxing with a dog by your side. Dogs have a way of telling you that everything is going to be OK and it’s incredibly reassuring. You need that from time to time, especially these days when things are so fast-paced and frantic and crazy.
    It’s a lot and the calm that a dog can provide is a game-changer.
    So what if Snots is going to tear through the trash or hump my leg until it damn near falls off? I can get past that and I’m sure you could too.
    Well, unless you’re not a dog person.
    Then there’s always Clark Sr. if that’s more your speed.
     

    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.   To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com  

  4. Ryan O'Connell
    We’ll start here: Christmas With the Kranks is a terrible movie. It’s bad, really bad. As a movie, it should be relieved that it’s a Christmas movie because that’s the only reason why people continue to watch it. Well, unless you’re a hardcore Tim Allen head or you gear your movie-watching towards those that only include a scene in which Jamie Lee Curtis barely has any clothes on. I mean if that’s the case, you’re basically watching Christmas With the Kranks and True Lies on a loop.
    That’s a weird way to live.
    If you haven’t seen Christmas With the Kranks, I will quickly bring you up to speed on this train wreck of a movie. Yes, there will be spoilers. No, I’m not sorry about that. If anything, I’m doing you a favor. You’re welcome.
    Allen and Curtis are the Kranks. His name is Luther, her name is something. They have a daughter named Blair. Blair is off to Peru because she’s a good person and everyone loves her. As a result of her trip to Peru, her parents have decided to bail on Christmas and go on a cruise instead. Makes sense to me, but not to everyone else in town and the Kranks’ neighborhood especially, all of whom take the Kranks’ decision very personally. There is a dust-up involving Frostys on people’s roofs, cops selling calendars of cops posing provocatively, and not-so-subtle attempts at intimidation.
    Also, Tim Allen gets Botox. Why? I don’t know.
    But plot twist! Blair announces she is coming home after all! So the Kranks ditch the cruise and hastily throw together Christmas, including their fabled Christmas Eve party, which the whole neighborhood looks forward to for some reason that is never made all that clear. And despite their previously held sour grapes towards Luther and his wife, the neighbors are suddenly all cool with them, banding together to make Christmas happen because Blair is coming home and everyoneeffin’ loves Blair. They do. Like, a lot. As for the cruise, Luther, compelled by the warming spirit of Christmas, gives the tickets to his neighbor and sick wife. There’s also a dude in a Santa outfit who sells umbrellas. He drives a VW Beetle, an old one, not the kind that has a place on the dash for a lone flower to brighten up your day.
    Again, this movie is terrible. And now it’s the Christmas season, meaning that it’s the time of year where much to my chagrin, I keep thinking about this abomination of a movie. Christmas With the Kranks is definitely horrible and it is in no way worth watching, even if it is a Christmas movie and as someone who celebrates Christmas, I’m contractually obligated to pretend to like all Christmas movies this time of year. But quality (or lack thereof) aside, it’s stuck with me and as a result, I have some questions, specifically 25, one for each day of the Christmas season.
    1. How do people in the Kranks’ neighborhood deal with people of the Jewish faith, i.e. people who don’t celebrate Christmas? I’m assuming not well given their reaction to the Kranks electing to sit Christmas out, but I’m still curious. I’m afraid to ask their thoughts on Muslims.
    2. With a name like Luther Krank, you’re destined to be an asshole, right?
    3. Did you know John Grisham wrote the story this movie is based on? How do you go from The Firm to this hot garbage?
    4. On that note, Grisham just wrote this as a money grab, right? It’s like how every musician inevitably records a Christmas song because it’s easy money. Look at Johnny G, chasing those dollar bills yo.
    5. Speaking of money grabs, who was the most money grabbiest of them all: Allen, Curtis, Grisham, or Dan Akroyd? Allen was only a few years removed from Home Improvement and had already logged two tours appearing in The Santa Clause movies as well as starring in two Toy Story movies. He couldn’t have been hurting for cash. Curtis’ career wasn’t dead by any means either, but you could see it as slightly sluggish. The same being said for Akroyd. And yeah, Grisham, he had to have been doing okay by 2004, when Christmas With the Kranks was released. Overall though, all four of these people were doing just fine and we would like to think better of them than to have been simply drawn to this magical Christmas story. So what gives? Who was grabbing for cash the most? I think I’m going with Allen.
    6. As for Akroyd, what’s up with his character? He “runs” the neighborhood. What the hell does that even mean? Is their neighborhood a criminal organization? Is it full of Italian immigrants and this is Brooklyn in the early 1900s? I’m confused.
    7. No really, what’s his deal? He claims to know the police chief. Is he in the mob? A union organizer? Is he both?
    8. Also, is his character in love with Blair? He changes his tune on the Kranks pretty damn quickly once he hears Blair is coming home. He all but says that he still thinks Luther is a son of a gun, but because it’s Blair, he’s willing to cast aside his beef. This seemed like a pretty big beef, a porterhouse of a beef, and tough to just cast aside. Tough enough to question a person’s motivations actually.

    9. And wait, is everyone in love with Blair? The whole neighborhood all switched gears super quick once they heard she was making an appearance and actually coming home. They were a few cocktails away from firebombing the Kranks’ house but once the Blair news hit, they were chipping in to help decorate. What gives?
    10. Blair’s a good-looking gal and that factors into this, right? Let’s not be naive here. History has long proven to be forgiving and downright super accommodating to the good-looking folks living among us. You’d have to think that if Blair looked a little less…uh…appealing, the neighborhood’s attitude towards her might differ slightly. It’s a terrible stance to take, but it’s a realistic one. Come on. We’re all adults here. We get it.
    11. So Blair goes to Peru for the Peace Corps or something and doesn’t just surprise her parents by coming home for Christmas, she comes home engaged. Didn’t she just leave for Peru at Thanksgiving? Damn, Blair.
    12. Did Blair meet her boo immediately upon arriving in Peru, have a whirlwind romance, and less than a month later find herself engaged, or had the two been corresponding beforehand via AOL Instant Messenger?  Although given the apparent magnetism of Blair and people’s attitudes towards her, I guess we can’t be surprised that she’d find a suitor so quickly. You’d have to think that Enrique had to fight off a bevy of dudes to win her heart. One of them was probably Dan Akroyd.
    13. And I’m sorry, shouldn’t Enrique have asked Luther’s permission before proposing? It’s called tradition, Enrique.
    14. This movie is about the dangers of peer pressure, right?
    15. Upon realizing that the cruise is never going to happen, a dejected Luther has a little pity party for himself, but then he rallies and walks across the street to give both the cruise and plane tickets to his elderly neighbor and his wife, who “has her good days and bad days” due to some mysterious illness. It’s a nice gesture. However, it’s a slightly problematic one. Gifting someone plane tickets and cruise tickets with your name on it might have worked in the pre-9/11 era, but this movie presumably takes place after that (it was made in 2004.) I know Luther tells the old couple across the street that he’ll take care of it, but like, how? These are plane tickets we’re talking about here. Those are some of the few things in life that can’t be changed. What the hell is Luther Crank and his black turtleneck going to do? I’m sorry, but this seems like an empty promise on Luther’s part. Well, unless Akroyd’s character knows someone who can handle the situation, which I don’t think we should rule out.
    16. Does Luther give the old couple the tickets because he legitimately wants them to go or because he knows he can’t go and it’s too late to change the reservation? Is it because he feels like offering it to them is enough of a nice gesture to ease his troubled conscience? I’m going with the latter.
    17. If the guy who dresses up as Santa Claus actually might be Santa Claus, are we then to believe Santa spends his offseason keeping tabs on folks by selling umbrellas on the street of wherever this movie takes place?
    18. I wonder if stealing Christmas trees is something that actually happens on a fairly regular basis around Christmas time. And not stealing them from a Christmas tree lot or Christmas tree farm, but stealing a fully decorated tree from someone’s house. If it is something that happens, the smart money is on it happening in Florida.
    19. Not really much of a question here, but the music in the movie makes a lot of sense when you see that Steven Van Zandt was the one picking the tunes.
    20. Wait, how did Van Zandt get roped into this?
    21. WHY THE HELL DOES TIM ALLEN’S CHARACTER GET BOTOX? He goes tanning, I get that. You want to get a base tan going before going on vacation. But the Botox, though?
    22. Who eats a cup of peaches at a restaurant? Oh wait, they’re at the hospital. Do hospital cafeterias sell cups of peaches? Wouldn’t those just be reserved for patients? Did Luther steal a cup of peaches from a patient? Eh, I wouldn’t put it past him.
    23. You know, Jamie Lee does bring up some good points. It’s totally fine to go away for Christmas, but why couldn’t they still put lights on their house? They’re trying to save money, cool. Smart. But it’s not like decorating for Christmas would have had that much of a financial impact on the Kranks. Not decorating or putting any lights up, let alone the snowman on the roof, just seems unnecessary.

    24. And please, at least one person in their neighborhood each year is getting hurt placing their Frosty on their roof, right? That’s a ridiculous tradition. Just put them in the front yard. You don’t get extra points for putting your life in jeopardy. Actually, Vic might actually give extra points for something like that. They really take their Christmas decorating seriously.
    25. I bet the 4th of July is off the chain in the Kranks’ neighborhood, right?
    I can’t stress this enough. Don’t watch this movie. If you have seen it, don’t watch it again.
    Merry Christmas.
     
    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.
    To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com
  5. Ryan O'Connell
    Corn mazes.
    They have become an integral part of any good old-fashioned festive fall weekend, right up there with pumpkin and apple picking, hayrides (both traditional and haunted), and devouring anything pumpkin-spiced. If you’ve embarked on a day trip to a local farm during the pleasant, but flawed fall season then there’s a good chance that the farm has some sort of corn maze. And with that most likely being the case, there’s an even better chance you’ve either dove right in and attempted to tackle it or at least thought about it.
    Why wouldn’t you? It looks like fun; looks like a nice way to spend an October afternoon.*
    *Although yesterday, I overheard a man in a group headed for a corn maze say that “he wasn’t in the mood for a maze today,” which I thought was an interesting take.
    But wait, are corn mazes fun? Are they a nice way to spend an October afternoon? It’s time we seriously ask ourselves these important and seasonally relevant questions.
    For starters, when you’re in a corn maze, you’re going to get lost. You’re going to get frustrated. If you consider either one of those two things enjoyable then good on you. I’m not sure you’re human though. Getting lost is the worst. Getting frustrated even more so. And don’t think it’s not going to happen while you’re trying to solve a corn maze. It’s a maze; to frustrate and confuse is the maze’s whole purpose for existing.
    Corn mazes start off innocently enough. Those first couple of times you encounter a dead-end can be kind of entertaining; it can really bring your group together in fantastic ways. Who doesn’t love team-building? But wait because soon enough, you’ll hit a wall, sometimes literally. It’ll be a wall of old, smelly hay staring you right smack in the face. You’ll backtrack and then hit another dead end. More hay and then some little kid goes running past you. Somehow that little shit knows what they’re doing and they’ll disappear before you can follow them. More hay and more hay and more hay. The puddles of mud are a fun extra bonus.
    If things really start to fall apart, all you can do is pray you have cell service.
    You probably won’t though.
    Fast forward a bit and you’ve managed to conquer the corn maze. Congratulations. However, somehow an hour has passed and the line for pumpkin-flavored ice cream is even longer than it was when you entered the maze. Talk about an immediate L after a hard-fought win. Plus, you still need to pick out some mums and had harbored sweet dreams of getting your face painted. It’ll be tough to get that accomplished now with all the time you spent adventuring through the fantastical corn maze. Also, one of your shoes is wet. The other one isn’t. It’s yet another corn maze-influenced mystery.
    On top of that, you made it out and what do you have to show for it? Nothing. If you go apple picking, you come away with apples. If you go pumpkin picking, you come away with a pumpkin. If you go to the country store, you come away with cider and some homemade donuts, maybe even a nice sign made of distressed wood that says “Oh, Gourd It’s Fall!.”
    You go into a corn maze though, you come out empty-handed. If anything, you have some hay in your socks, but that’s about it. Don’t sell me on a sense of achievement. What did you achieve? You navigated through a maze of corn, something you chose to do. There isn’t any kind of sense of achievement there friend, just a sense of muted accomplishment, nothing to get pumped about and certainly not akin to coming away with a giant pumpkin that is shaped perfectly for carving or more apples than you know what to do with.

    Well, if they’re Golden Delicious, then I like them very much. Thanks for asking, Matt Damon as Will Hunting.
    But for a moment let’s play along and say corn mazes are fun. Corn mazes are your thing (or in the case of the fella from yesterday, something you are in the mood for.) Great. I’m happy for you.
    That would then pose a whole new set of problems because the sad truth is that there is quite a range in quality when it comes to corn mazes. Corn mazes may in fact be terrible, but a subpar corn maze is definitely terrible.
    If you’re a corn maze purist then I would venture to think that the majority of corn mazes out there are not up to your standard. They are too short, they are too easy, they are too crowded. They’re disappointing and being disappointed doesn’t sound like much fun to me. (It’s right up there with getting lost and getting frustrated actually.) And it probably doesn’t sound fun to you either. Do you know what that sounds like? It sounds like the harsh reality of corn mazes not being fun rearing their ugly head and causing a ruckus in the other room.
    An argument in favor of corn mazes could probably be made by the pro-corn mazers out there and would be based around the design element of corn mazes, how they can be made to resemble something or someone. Wow, that’s great.

     
    Question though, how can I even tell that from the ground? Oh, I can’t. Cool. Then the design means nothing to me.
    So what about haunted corn mazes? I personally haven’t experienced a haunted corn maze but I’ve experienced enough haunted activities to have an idea of what to expect and to be honest, they do sound kind of cool at first. But then when you get into the nitty-gritty of a haunted corn maze and it sounds like my worst nightmare. It’s dark, crowded, muddy, and worst of all, there’s only one way out and depending on where you are, that way out isn’t anywhere close to you. I’m the kind of person that likes an exit strategy. An exit strategy for a haunted corn maze sounds like me just barreling through rows of corn stalks until I see the bright lights of rented light towers.
    Conclusion: haunted corn mazes sound absolutely horrible and come with a high risk of a corn-inflicted injury.
    Now I’m sure there are corn maze fans out there. There has to be. Farms and orchards wouldn’t continue to plow through corn fields just for kicks. I saw it with my own eyes yesterday, groups and groups of people happily trudging into a corn maze and for the most part, returning with big smiles on their faces. I elected to stay behind and didn’t regret my decision one bit. Actually felt pretty good about it.
    Yet just because I’m not on board with something doesn’t mean everyone else isn’t (see: Pumpkins, David.) I realize that and know all too well that I’m not speaking for everyone here when I make my case against corn mazes. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve taken a stance that isn’t popular or mainstream and it definitely won’t be the last. Christmas is coming up and I have plenty of thoughts about Christmas movies.
    But with that being said, corn mazes aren’t fun. Corn mazes are at best just okay and at worst, absolutely terrible.
    Go on now, mess around with a corn maze. I’ll be sitting pretty, eating some pumpkin ice cream, and people-watching, which is something I’m always in the mood for, regardless of the time and place.
    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.   To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com    
  6. Ryan O'Connell
    This weekend it word started spreading the unthinkable may be thinkable, as Oasis are rumored to be getting back together for a string of U.K. dates. In light of this, here is an updated version of this post.
    Oasis came out swinging. I mean, a lot of bands try and come out swinging and some do a pretty good job. But few bands come out swinging like Oasis did and I don’t think many bands ever will. It’s just something every single musician will have to accept.
    The band, led by brothers Liam and Noel Gallagher, were cocky, confident, cocky again, and full of swagger when they emerged from the mean streets of Manchester, England in the early part of the 1990s. If memory serves, they claimed that they’d be bigger than The Beatles. Spoiler: they would not, although to be fair, Oasis did get pretty damn big and had a hell of a run throughout the latter part of the decade, peaking with the release of their massive second album, (What’s the Story) Morning Glory? They would never again match the heights they achieved with that album but that never stopped them from trying. They would go on to release six more albums before disbanding in 2009 because despite being brothers, Noel and Liam might also be sworn enemies and for the good of mankind, best if kept apart from one another.
    Yet despite officially breaking up over a decade ago, Oasis has managed to stay relevant, due in no small part to the endless very public spats between the brothers with the most recent one taking a truly wild turn that I’m all for. Recently, a new film documenting the band’s legendary 1996 concerts at Knebworth was released, marking the 25th anniversary of the shows that drew roughly 250,000 people. This renewed interest in the band has again sparked rumors of the band getting back together and Noel has even said he’d be interested provided his brother, who he claims is “a hologram” would be there.
    See? Never dull, boys.
    Let’s take a look at the band’s 25 best songs, a list you can also find here.
    25. “Rockin’ Chair” (1998)
    “Rockin’ Chair” comes from the 1998 b-sides compilation The Masterplan and is one of those instances where a band releases a b-side and you’re like, but why? How did this song not make the cut? The song is bright and lively with some air underneath it in a way that’s rarely the case with Oasis tunes. I don’t know, maybe it was too nice? Hard to say. I’m not here to get inside Noel Gallagher’s head. That seems dangerous.
    24. “Magic Pie” (1997)
    Listen, third albums can be tricky, especially if the first two albums are the monsters that Definitely Maybe and (What’s the Story) Morning Glory? were. And it’s not as if Oasis slowed down much during this time either, essentially burning the candle at both ends since 1994. Be Here Now is sprawling, but not necessarily in a good way and while “Magic Pie” is full of some solid twists and turns, it couldn’t hurt if the boys trimmed it down by a minute or two.
    23. “Lord Don’t Slow Me Down” (2007)
    Oasis were at their best when they embraced their love of rock history and didn’t run from their influences, which truth be told, they didn’t do all that often. But even still, “Lord Don’t Slow Me Down” is a delightful 60s-vibing, rock stomper and was reportedly bumped from 2005’s Don’t Believe the Truth in order to cut down on the number of songs sung by Noel. Kind of a lame reason if you ask me. It seems to me that you’d want to keep a song like this one on an album.
    22. “Roll With It” (1995)
    I’d love to talk about the song but I’m watching the video right now and it’s very distracting. It looks like the kind of video someone would make now with the intention of making it feel like a video that came out in 1995. I don’t know. I’d love to maybe, roll with it but I can’t and would have to agree that “it’s all too much for me to take.”
    21. “The Hindu Times” (2002)
    Released as the band was set to kick off their second decade, “The Hindu Times” sounds like a grown-up version of a song that might have appeared on one of their earlier albums, especially Definitely Maybe. There’s nothing super complicated about the song but it flows in the way the best Oasis tunes do in that it has a real solid, swagger-fueled swing to it. It’s also a song that might have given fans hope that the band was still going strong when indications were there that that might not totally be the case.
    20. “Don’t Go Away” (1997)
    Oasis could always get you emotional at times, occasionally dropping songs that were perfect for starring blankly out a window on a rainy day, contemplating recent life choices, or sudden heartbreak. I would add that again, weird effin’ video, man but who knows, maybe that’s their thing. We all have ’em. I say “dude” too much, Oasis made weird videos. Maybe I should just write about Oasis videos instead of their songs?
    19. “Married With Children” (1994)
    Did I play a lot of air guitar and lip-synch to this song when listening to it back in high school? Yes. Absolutely. Countless times. Next question, please.
    18. “Talk Tonight” (1998)
    For someone who oozes confidence and cockiness like Noel effin’ Gallagher, it’s almost disarming to hear him be so vulnerable on “Talk Tonight,” a song that was written at a time when Noel was seriously considering leaving the band. A soft and tender acoustic ballad, “Talk Tonight” has Noel wrestling with a fear of failure and a desire to make amends, which again, does not seem to be things Noel effin’ Gallgher would be down to talk about but the result is a beautifully, stripped-down tune that probably should be ranked higher on this list.
    And you know, yeah, it should. I’m bumping it up to number 6. Pretend this never happened. 18. “Lyla” (2005)
    Full disclosure here: I have heard “Lyla” countless times on the radio but only recently realized it was Oasis, which is kind of funny because it 100% sounds like Oasis and now I suppose that I probably knew that it was Oasis all along but never cared enough to put two and two together. I mean, you’re driving in your car, you have the radio on and songs are playing; you’re only half-listening most of the time. BUT, now that I know it’s Oasis and have listened to it a few times knowing it’s Oasis, I have to say, it’s a great Oasis song that sounds like an older song by another group Oasis no doubt would have liked.
    17. “Round Are Way” (1995)
    Big fan of the horns on this song. In a weird way, this song reminds me of “The Underdog” by Spoon, probably because of how well each song uses horn sections and creates a 60s pop/rock sunshine vibe. And that would probably be the only time I find a way to compare Oasis to Spoon and vice versa.
    16. “Morning Glory” (1995)
    It’s almost criminal that this song isn’t the opening track on (What’s the Story) Morning Glory?because it would have been a fantastic opener. Again though, weird video, man. Are they playing too loudly and that’s why people keep coming to the door? Is their apartment in a storage facility because what’s up with the hallway? And my dudes, we don’t play with balls in the house so knock that shit off. Although I do like when Liam tries to do a trick with the ball and very clearly fails. It would definitely be the best part of the video if not for this shot:

      Fantastic stuff right there. 15. “Gas Panic!” (2000)
    Oasis’ 2000 album Standing On The Shoulder Of Giants was not an especially good album and that doesn’t even take into account that the phrase is “standing on the shoulders of giants” not “the shoulder of giants.” That’s nitpicking, though. After a wild few years there and three solid albums, they were bound to release a clunker. “Gas Panic!” is the one salvageable track from the album as well as an interesting exploration into the gas crisis of the late 1970s.
    Nah, I’m just kidding. It’s about coke addiction and is reportedly named after a Tokyo bar.
    14. “Slide Away” (1994)
    “Slide Away” could be and maybe should be ranked higher but no, I already made one change. I’m sticking to my guns here because that’s what Noel effin’ Gallagher would do. “Slide Away” is a majestically, grand tune and a hell of a song to appear on a band’s first album. It has an air of maturity to it that you’d typically find later in a band’s career. The chorus explodes and soars as Liam’s vocals demonstrate why Noel found a way to put up with him over the years.
    13. “Hey Now!” (1995)
    This is ANOTHER song that could have opened (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? Imagine if a band made a whole album full of openers. So much energy and anticipation but where does it lead? Where do we go from here? Alas, those are questions for another day. “Hey Now!” is not a great song but it is a great Oasis song, especially one from the early part of their career. It’s fun to sing along to, never really changes gears, and much like eyebrows in the Gallagher family is rock solid.
    12. “Supersonic” (1994)
    Few things in life make as much sense together as Liam’s snotty-ass, cocky vocal delivery paired with the lines “I need to be myself/I can’t be no one else.” And that’s kind of funny because the lyrics in “Supersonic,” which was the band’s first single, don’t make any sense. This is due in no small part to Noel throwing them together at the last minute after a random jam became something worth keeping. My man threw down a hefty gin and tonic and went to work and well, at least the “I’m feeling supersonic, give me gin and tonic” makes some sense now.
    11. “The Shock Of The Lightning” (2008)
    The band’s final album, 2008’s Dig Out Your Soul isn’t much to go back to, but it’s made more interesting when you listen to a song like “The Shock of the Lightning” and think about how it hints at potential directions Noel might go once he inevitably goes solo, which would happen a little over a year after the album’s release. There is some muscle to the track though and it drives in ways the majority of Oasis songs don’t.
    10. “D’You Know What I Mean?” (1997)
    Maybe it’s that music videos are weird, huh? Yeah, that could be it. The video for “D’You Know What I Mean” does look kind of cool, though. I’d have to think that a bulk of the budget was spent on the helicopters but money well spent because helicopters are dope. Anyone who has ever ridden in one will gladly tell you about it and you’d be down to listen because it’s a helicopter story, low key one of the best kinds of stories out there. Oh, but this song, it’s got a sweet vibe to it and thankfully, it opens Be Here Now. If not, it’d be yet another example of Oasis not using a great opening track to open an album and at some point, we’d have to address this troubling pattern of theirs.
    9. “Cigarettes & Alcohol” (1994)
    Does “Cigarettes & Alcohol” sound like something you might have heard before, especially if you’ve listened to classic rock? Yes. Yes, it does. However, does that make it any less of a booze-tastic, swash-buckling, big boot wearin’ rocker? Nope! Moving on!
    8. “Some Might Say” (1995)
    Part of what made early Oasis so much fun and so appealing was how they had songs that were easy like Sunday morning, kid. There was nothing overly complicated about them. They rocked, they were catchy and that was that. Case in point: “Some Might Say” off of (What’s The Story) Morning Glory?. No one is running out to write lengthy think pieces about the song but plenty of us are enjoying the hell out of it while speeding down the highway and let’s be honest, that’s all that matters.
    7. “Champagne Supernova” (1995)
    Seventh? “Champagne Supernova” seventh? Come on now. No way, right? You can’t have Oasis’ seven-minute opus not even in the top 5, right? That feels like blasphemy which is totally cool to say because John Lennon once said that The Beatles were bigger than Jesus and Oasis set out to be bigger than The Beatles, thus making them also bigger than Jesus and so yeah, blasphemy is in play here.
      Is it though? Seven minutes is a long time and couldn’t this song be just as good if not better if it were five minutes and then we’d have an extra two minutes to, I don’t know, pick up a hobby or something. Plus, “slowly walking down the hall/faster than a cannonball” doesn’t really make sense, no matter how hard you try and think about it. Cannonballs are fast. They are cannonballs. They get shot out of a cannon at ridiculously fast speeds. So how could you be walking slower than a cannonball? If that was the case, maybe you’re not walking slowly at all and that’s the point? Ugh, this is a lot and the bottom line, songs generally shouldn’t be longer than six minutes unless it’s a live Phish tune.
    6. “Talk Tonight” (1998)
    Yeah, we’ve covered this already.
    5. “The Masterplan” (1998)
    This song was a B-side, meaning it was initially deemed not good enough to be included on one of their albums. I think that’s insane and oddly enough, so does Noel, who has repeatedly said that “The Masterplan” is one of the best songs he’s ever written. Noel says that he was talked out of including it on the band’s second album and instead, it was released as the B-side to “Wonderwall,” a move he has since come to regret. But it’s all good Noel because no one pays any mind to albums anymore, just songs. So thankfully “The Masterplan” has lived on.
    4. “Acquiesce” (1998)
    Oh cool, another B-side. No, wait, another B-side that should have totally been an A-side and I’m not even sure if that term is a thing or not. That’s not the point though. “Acquiesce” is a hell of a good song, one that sounds fantastic and even better the louder you play it. It’s a rafter-rattler and it dwarfs the A-side it accompanied, the fine but not nearly as good “Some Might Say.” The song is also a strong anthem for friendship with Noel belting out in the chorus “because we need each other/we believe in one another.” And it’s definitely about friendship and not about the relationship between Noel and Liam as Noal has insisted several times over the years. Cue: audience response.
    3. “Rock ‘n’ Roll Star” (1994)
    I love that the opening track on Oasis’ first album is called “Rock ‘n’ Roll Star. I love it. I love it so much. What a way to introduce yourselves, huh? And it’s a hell of an opener too, one of the best ever in my opinion. I’m sure it was wrecking ball too when they played it live, especially during those early years. Once they became rock stars it probably didn’t have the same fire to it at least lyrically, but musically, it’s damn near timeless.
    2. “Wonderwall” (1995)
    You know, when I sat down to start hashing this list out, I did think “Wonderwall” might be number one. It’s not, that should be pretty clear. I don’t think it’s the band’s best song although it’s probably their most important song as it cemented their place in rock music, not just at the time but forever. Because “Wonderwall” isn’t going anywhere. As long as people can figure out how to strum an acoustic guitar and carry a tune, “Wonderwall” will have a place in the world.
    1. “Live Forever” (1994)
    “Live Forever” comes in with those drums and soars from there. There wasn’t anything like “Live Forever” on the radio in 1994, something that felt so timeless and almost operatic and spiritual. It was the third single they released off of Definitely Maybe but for most people, it was the first Oasis song they heard and with that in mind, was a serious introduction to a band with serious intentions. Nearly every musician sets out with designs on being famous but with Oasis, it felt different from the jump. It wasn’t about being famous or being popular, it was about taking over the world. “Live Forever” is a song that marked out their path and cleared the lane. Oasis would most likely have gotten big even if they hadn’t released “Live Forever,” but their trajectory would have been different. “Live Forever” showed that they meant business and weren’t just all talk. They could back that talk up.
    Ryan harbors a constant fear of losing his keys, prefers flip flops, and will always choose cereal if it’s an option. He maintains his own blog, Giddy Up America, and has previously contributed work to UPROXX & Heavy. Ryan is on Twitter: @ryanoconnell79
  7. Ryan O'Connell
    Phish has been around for some time now and as a result, the band has no shortage of original material. They have songs they’ve recorded, songs they haven’t recorded, multiple versions of songs, etc. My friends, Phish has a lot of songs.
    But despite having a bevy, a boatload, and bushels of their own songs, Phish also has a penchant for performing cover songs. They’ve been including covers of everyone from Led Zeppelin to the Talking Heads, Bob Marley to Jay-Z in their shows since they started performing back in the 1980s. Covers have just become part of the gig when it comes to Phish. According to Phish.net, Phish has a handful of covers that they’ve played live more than 200 times with Argent’s “Hold Your Head Up” having been played 532 times topping that list.
    The art of playing a cover song is something of a sticky wicket. Generally, you want to pay homage to the original, and rarely do you want to mess with the original version all that much. The odds are that the original tune will be better than whatever spin you were to put on it, although there are definitely exceptions to this. But for the most part, compared side-by-side, it’s best to defer to the original.
    Phish also mostly defers to the originals when performing cover songs. Rarely do they rework a song and if anything, they seem to pride themselves on being as true to the original as possible. Where they do tend to put their own spices into the mix is during a song’s jam. That’s where Phish is able to take a cover and in their own special way, make it their own.
    Since getting back into Phish during the pandemic, I’ve developed something of a complicated relationship with Phish playing cover songs. For the most part, I kind of don’t like it. If I wanted to hear Led Zeppelin, I’d put on Led Zeppelin. I’m queuing up Phish because I want to listen to Phish, not so much Phish playing other people’s songs. Yet I have realized this is not always the case and there are covers I like hearing the band play and again, these are the ones they’ve managed to make their own without ruining the integrity of the original.
    Here are the ten cover songs I’ve enjoyed the most over this past year and change and in some cases, have dug going all the way back twenty-plus years to when I first got into the band. These are also cover songs that the band has played on a fairly regular basis and I’m not including songs performed during their Halloween shows, where they don a musical costume and perform an album in its entirety. It should also be noted that bluegrass covers are a different story and I feel like they would merit their own ranking. Stand by on that one.
    First, the tunes deserving of an honorable mention are “Boogie On Reggae Woman,” “Good Times Bad Times,” “Drowned,” and “Walk Away.” 10. “Golden Age” (TV on the Radio)
    “Golden Age” is a bit of an anomaly for Phish because unlike so many of the other artists they cover, TV On the Radio is a modern band. TVOTR might not be active now, but it hasn’t been that long since they last released an album (2014’s Seeds.) Yet since 2009, Phish has played “Golden Age,” off of the band’s excellent 2008 album Dear Science fairly regularly. Overall, I’m lukewarm on their actual cover of the song, but I think what bumped it ahead of “Boogie On Reggae Woman” were the jams that “Golden Age” has produced. It makes me think that when the band chose to cover the song it was because they liked it, but also because they saw it as an opportunity to really jam off into different spacy funky directions.
    9. “Sneakin’ Sally Through the Alley” (Lee Dorsey)
    Oh, “Sneakin’ Sally.” This one always brings me back to those lovely college days at the turn of century. I think there’s a corner of my brain where the words “Sneakin’ Sally through the alley…” are always bouncing around and most likely always will. “Sneakin’ Sally” is probably one of those covers Phish plays that frequently gets mistaken for one of their own songs by novice fans and with all due respect to Mr. Lee Dorsey, it’s kind of okay. I’d be surprised if many people had heard the original before Phish started playing it.
    8. “2001” (Strauss, as interpreted by Deodato)
    Phish covering “2001” (also known as Also Sprach Zarathustra”) is about as close to a lay-up as you’re going to find. This song was tailor-made for the boys to jam out and expand, bring to some wild spots in the far reaches of the galaxy. And the chorus is perfect for waking you up from the spaced-out bliss trance the chorus groove lulled you into. “2001” is the second most played cover song with the band having performed it 237 times.
    7. “Ya Mar” (Cyril Ferguson)
    Fun fact about me is that it wasn’t until I was doing some research for this piece that I realized “Ya Mar” was a cover. You learn something new every day, huh? The original “Ya Mar” comes from this Cyril Ferguson fella, who originally recorded the track in 1974. According to Phish legend (which is right 40-90% of the time depending on the subject matter,) Mike Gordon heard a group called The Mustangs playing “Ya Mar” while on vacation in the Caribbean. Upon returning to the states, he then introduced it to the band and they’ve played it over 200 times since.
    6. “Roses Are Free” (Ween)
    On a lot of nights, once we get the kids to bed and the kitchen cleaned up (two cheers for domestic bliss!,) I take the dog out for a walk, and more often than not, I put some Phish on. Now, based on this experience I can say with 100% confidence that Phish’s version of Ween’s “Roses Are Free” is an excellent song to listen to when taking your dog for a walk around the neighborhood in the evening. For the record, it’s also a great driving song and pretty good to listen to when doing some yard work because again, two cheers for domestic bliss, y’all!
    5. “Rock and Roll” (Velvet Underground)
    Page McConnell is so good at channeling the sound of late 60s, early 70s AM radio rock music and he takes the Velvet Underground’s classic to places I don’t think was intended. Under Phish’s stewardship, the song becomes a beacon of arena rock goodness and a springboard into some lively, spirited, and transcendent jams. Whereas the original feels like it’s holding back some, Phish takes the top-down, lowers all the damn windows, and sends it sailing down the open road with a wonderful reckless abandon.
    4. “Funky Bitch” (Son Seals)
    “Funky Bitch” is another cover song that Phish has broken out over 200 times. But you know, it’s 2021 and I think calling the song by its original name is kind of not cool. So I’m going with calling it “Funky B.” I’m sure I’m not alone here. Why tarnish a killer song with a regrettable and unfortunate name, right? Remove the name issue and you’re again free to enjoy this tune in all its dirty, funky blues splendor. Or don’t worry about the name and just enjoy the song. I don’t know anymore. Life is weird.
    3. “Cities,” “Crosseyed & Painless (Talking Heads) – tie
    I mean, this is just a fun song to sing along to. You don’t even need to be a good singer, which is just a bonus. You know, because I’m not a good singer. I was for a hot minute in middle school but then you know, puberty and then banging on drums seemed like a good move. But enough about me, one of the things I’ve noticed about the band’s version of “Cities” is how moldable it is and how they mess around with it, changing the tempo or overall vibe of the song. This is truly an example of the band making a cover their own without stepping on the toes of the original.
    As for “Crosseyed & Painless,” when Phish play it, they don’t just play it, they activate it. It doesn’t just appear in sets, it explodes into sets. The song is shot out of a canon and never looks back. It soars like an eagle traversing the clearest of skies and…and…well, it’s a lot of fucking fun and I think that covers it.
    2. “My Soul” (Clifton Chenier)
    Hi. My name is Ryan and anytime “My Soul” comes on, this is a decent representation of what happens:
     
    Thanks. That’s all I have to say about that and frankly, I feel like I’ve said enough.
    1. “Loving Cup” (The Rolling Stones)
    It’s simple math.
    You take a bonafide, great rock song + a band comprised of incredibly talented, chameleon-like musicians who are damn near capable of anything musically and the end result is an endlessly enjoyable cover of the song in question. Lucky for all of us, simple math is about all I can handle in math. But what I can handle always is Phish playing The Rolling Stones’ “Loving Cup.” I had never heard the original before hearing Phish’s version and then became a fan of the original as well. Talk about a bonus, huh?
    And I suppose for Phish, that might be some of their intention with playing some of these songs, to introduce songs that they themselves love and are inspired by to their fans. To pay it forward musically, show fans what shaped the band that they all love so much. Why just say you’re inspired by the Stones when you can rip off an amazing cover of one of their best songs, right?
    It’s also a hell of a way to close out a concert.
     
    Ryan harbors a constant fear of losing his keys, prefers flip flops, and will always choose cereal if it’s an option. He maintains his own blog, Giddy Up America, and has previously contributed work to UPROXX & Heavy. Ryan is on Twitter: @ryanoconnell79
  8. Ryan O'Connell
    I’m jealous of people out there who have yet to experience the Beastie Boys, to be able to take a fresh-faced dive into their discography and fully appreciate all of its splendor for the first time. Listening to the Beastie Boys for the first time is like thumbing your nose at gravity or any number of other tenets of polite society. It’s an unforgettable experience. For folks of a certain age (i.e. those getting a little long in the tooth,) we were blessed to be in the catbird seat as the group grew, matured, and expanded their sound over the course of their two-decade-plus career.
    But man, to be in a position to hear an album like Ill Communication for the first time would be amazing.
    From the release of Licensed To Ill in 1986 to their final album, Hot Sauce Committee Part Two in 2011, The Beastie Boys underwent a total transformation. They evolved from brash party boys to erudite hip-hop masters with sounds and attitudes that were far more inclusive. Yet their edge never dulled and remained sharp until their final days.
    The world around them changed and with it, so did their influences, opinions, beliefs, and general perspective on life but in the end, they were still three dudes with attitude and swagger for days, as well as an endless desire to keep themselves entertained by music that was distinctly their own. As time passed, some tried to replicate at least some part of the Beastie Boys’ sound but those attempts never went well. You just can’t cop a style that is that authentic and that unique. Ideally at this point, all we can hope is that people have finally gotten wise to that. Fingers crossed but I have my doubts.
    In honor of the 30th anniversary of the release of Ill Communication, here’s a ranking of the group’s eight albums.
    8. The Mix-Up (2007)
    Beastie Boys instrumental tracks are like shots. Spread out throughout an album, just like a night of heavy drinking, a few shots can be a lot of fun. However, a night that consists solely of shots is completely uncalled for. It’s not in the best interest of anyone involved I don’t care what that one friend we all have who loves shots says. That friend is a danger to society
    What separates The Mix-Up from the band’s other instrumental release that came before it, The In Sound from Way Out!, is that the first instrumental album was a compilation of previously released jams, tracks that had appeared on previous albums. It wasn’t presented as anything new and it was actually pretty helpful if you liked those tracks and wished you had them all in one place (and were also too lazy to make a mixtape containing them.)
    In contrast, The Mix-Up was made of all new compositions. There was even a tour where the band focused on instrumentals. It’s not as if the jams are terrible or anything. It’s just that, at times – and I’m saying this with all due respect – it sounds like I’m listening to a college jam band.
    Speaking as someone who was in a college jam band, that shit should be shared as little as possible.
    7. To the 5 Boroughs (2004)
    With the world and their native New York City still reeling from 9/11, no one can fault the Beasties for releasing a tribute to their beloved New York City. We also can’t hate on them for making an album that was easily their most hip-hop-heavy.
    To the 5 Boroughs is definitely not a bad album. Let me repeat that: THIS IS NOT A BAD ALBUM. However, it’s also not a great album. It’s a good album; a solid B-, which is nothing to be ashamed of. As we all remember from back in the day, there’s a big difference between getting a B on something and a C, and the minus aside, a B is a B, kid.
    Now, saying To the 5 Boroughs is “just” a good album is largely due to the fact that the Beastie Boys were always a good to really good hip-hop group. But what made them stand out was their ability to dip into the wild waters of hardcore and punk and incorporate that into their hip-hop stylings. By leaning almost exclusively into hip-hop. they weren’t operating at full strength.
    With that being said, “Ch-Check It Out” is an awesome tune.
    6. Hello Nasty (1998)
    Released four years after Ill Communication, Hello Nasty is good fun starting from the jump with “Super Disco Breakin’.” It’s a forward-thinking album, chock-full of futuristic sounds and thoughtful experimentation. Unlike Ill Communication, which had the feel of a band concocting mayhem in a garage, Hello Nasty sounds like a team of scientists experimenting in a lab.
    If we’re being honest though, and I’d like to think we are, I do have one issue with Hello Nasty: the length. It’s a long album. It’s like Drake album long. Studies have routinely shown that nobody has time for an album with 22 tracks.
    But we’re staying positive here. “Three MCs and One DJ” is the hip-hop side of the Beastie Boys in all its glory. Also, Hello Nasty is a top-notch album title.
    5. Licensed to Ill (1986)
    At first glance, Licensed to Ill, with classics like “Brass Monkey,” “Fight for Your Right” and “No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn” on it, you could easily say, What the heck, man? How is this album not ranked higher?
    That’s fair; a solid question.
    I would say, friend, that the margin between the album that ends up at the top of this list and License to Ill at the fifth spot is incredibly minimal. So be cool. I’m not firing shots or hating on the group’s legendary debut. With a ranking like this, it’s a game of inches and no one, especially me who loves to champion debut albums, can sleep on the impact of this album.
    But it’s also their first album and a lot of times it substitutes legitimate quality for youthful exuberance. There’s no Hot Sauce Committee Part Two without License to Ill, but that doesn’t mean License to Ill should be ranked higher.
    Cool?
    4. Hot Sauce Committee Part Two (2011)
    Speaking of Hot Sauce Committee, let’s tip our caps to the Beastie Boys’ last album. The album was set to be released in 2009 but was delayed when Adam Yauch was diagnosed with cancer. It was eventually released two years later when Yauch was in remission and one year before he passed away in 2012.
    Hot Sauce is a near-perfect marriage of early Beasties energy and the forward-thinking lab work of Hello Nasty. It’s a fun album, especially in contrast with To the 5 Boroughs, which came out seven years earlier. The beats on this album are sick, and it features two of the best guest spots in the Beasties’ discography: Nas on “Too Many Rappers” and Santigold on “Don’t Play No Game That I Can’t Win.”
    They even pick up their instruments for a trip down hardcore memory lane with “Lee Majors Come Again.”
    I don’t know if they knew this would be their last album or not when they were writing and recording it, but either way, as far as last albums go, it’s everything a long-time fan could ask for.
    3. Check Your Head (1992)
    Check Your Head is peak Beasties and possibly the album that best demonstrates what the group looked to bring to the table. It’s loose as hell and far from perfect from any kind of technical sense. Additionally, it’s fun, entertaining, inspirational, and most importantly, eternally appealing. Check Your Head is one of those albums that always sounds good, regardless of the situation.
    Well, not regardless of any situation. Let’s just say it’s good for a bunch of situations with “bunch” doing a lot of work there because the bunch in question is sizeable.
    The sounds on Check Your Head are great, especially Mike D’s drums on “Pass the Mic.” The snare hits are freakin’ perfect, man. Perfect. Check Your Head has the best instrumentals, some of the best rhymes, and an iconic album cover. Yauch’s bass line on “Gratitude” is the kind of fuzzy goodness that makes you want to get in a car chase filmed in slow motion (i.e. one of the aforementioned situations that were previously alluded to.)
    2. Paul’s Boutique (1989)
    Released three long and crazy years after License to Ill came out, Paul’s Boutique was a hard left turn for the group following the success they had been gaining with their debut album and their association with Def Jam. The Beasties had split from the label over ongoing financial disputes in 1988 and signed with Capital Records. They then fled west to California to record Paul’s Boutiquewith The Dust Brothers.
    The album has benefited greatly from the passing of time, as it was dismissed initially. And by dismissed, I mean it flopped (relatively speaking of course.) It failed to reach the heights of its predecessor so you know, flop.
    Paul’s Boutique is the Beastie Boys at their weirdest and most liberated as if they were on a funky island with turntables, samplers, and a drum machine. It has become a shining moment of experimental hip-hop and a testament to the band’s willingness to push both themselves and their boundaries.
    License to Ill introduced the band to the world, but Paul’s Boutique let us see their true intentions even if it took the world a little while to catch on.
    1. Ill Communication (1994)
    Any one of the Beastie Boys albums in the top three could occupy the top spot. If overall, this is a game of inches, then the top three is a game of millimeters. Not even daylight is getting in between the top three albums on this ranking.
    Personally, I ride with Ill Communication, and as for why, well it’s because of its scope. Ill Communication is the best kind of massive album. It’s wide-ranging, expansive, diverse, confounding, and something to strive for. You can find something new every time you listen to it. They kick around elements of jazz, funk, punk, and more, sometimes in the same song. “Sabotage” will forever stand the test of time, but it’s no less important than a tune like “Root Down,” which is a top-five Beastie Boys song.
    “Get It Together” featuring Q-Tip is a master class in collaboration and the instrumentals on the album are next level. The album has 20 songs on it but it definitely doesn’t feel that long. At various points, the songs seamlessly flow into one another.
    Ill Communication is the Beastie Boys’ high water mark, the moment they became true cultural barometers. It’s one of the best albums to come out of the 1990s, and one of the best albums produced by New York City. It’s the Beastie Boys firing on all cylinders and, because of that, it’s number one.
     
    Ryan harbors a constant fear of losing his keys, prefers flip flops, and will always choose cereal if it’s an option. He maintains his own blog, Giddy Up America, and has previously contributed work to UPROXX & Heavy. Ryan is on Twitter: @ryanoconnell79
    Portions of this piece originally appeared on UPROXX
           
  9. Ryan O'Connell
    Let’s start here: The Dave Matthews Band are not a jam band. Maybe they once were, back in the day when they were traveling up and down the east coast in the early to mid-90s, cruising in the same circles as bands like Blues Traveler, Phish, and Widespread Panic. But at some point along the way, things changed. They went from a jam band to a great live band. It’s not a knock against them and certainly isn’t any kind of slight. It’s really just a minor change in distinction; a clerical matter.
    Now, I became aware of this issue over the past couple of months courtesy of listening to the DMB channel on Sirius. The channel has become a go-to mainly because of its reliability and hey, anytime they play a version of “#41,” I’m down. The station naturally relies heavily on live shows and as a longtime fan of the band, it’s interesting to take note of the differences between a version of “#41” from 1997 and 2007 and 2017. Youthful energy and swagger eventually give way to more polished, veteran savvy, which of course is to be expected once a band gets a little long in the tooth. But it’s through that lens that it became apparent that The Dave Matthews Band doesn’t really jam in the way jam bands jam. They ride vamps and outros, trade solos, and such, but they don’t really jam.
    So yeah, The Dave Matthews Band isn’t a jam band. The Dave Matthews Band is a great live band. Case closed.
    The Dave Matthews Band have also been around forever and recently they announced the upcoming release of their tenth album, Walk Around the Moon. It’s their first new album in four years since they released Come Tomorrow in 2018. The band has also changed personnel too, something that most likely contributes to their moving away from jam band territory. Following the death of saxophonist LeRoi Moore in 2008, the band essentially replaced him with a two-man horn section and when violinist Boyd Tinsley stepped away following some unsavory allegations, a keyboardist was brought in. Matthews’ longtime collaborator, guitarist Tim Reynolds was made a full-time member in 2008. Whereas when the band first emerged in the early 90s, they were a lean, yet massive-sounding five-person outfit, they now are an 8-man band that can be just as massive sounding, but not nearly as lean and spry.
    With a new album coming out and another summer tour mapped out, it felt like as good a time as any to tackle a ranking of Dave Matthews Band songs. I had already ranked their albums, so songs seemed the next logical move. Limiting a ranking of songs to studio versions also felt logical because come on now, we’re trying to keep this manageable, and with all due respect to the version of “The Maker” from the Live in Chicago album, it being left off this list would be one of the first of many tough decisions to be made. It should also be noted that any of the songs on Matthews’ solo album were left off. I’m a stickler for fairness, fam.
    You can check out a playlist of all these songs and a handful more HERE.
    Okay, let’s do it to it, kids.
    40. “Why I Am” (2009)
    This song just drives. It never gives up or lets up. You think it might but no, you’re wrong. It’s okay. We’re all wrong once in a while. I once thought there was an opening act for a Widespread Panic show and ended up showing up at the set break. See, it happens.
    39. “Dreamgirl” (2005)
    Matthews has a knack for writing a tune like “Dreamgirl,” a whimsical little romp about a lady love, and in my younger days, I had a knack for dropping this little ditty on a mixtape for a lady love of my own. Do people make playlists for people now? How does that work? I kind of feel that you lose some of the magic of the whole process doing it that way. You can find this and other similar questions on my podcast, Fuck, I’m Old.
    38. “Digging a Ditch” (2002)
    Before there was The Snyder Cut, there was The Lillywhite Sessions. Both projects eventually saw the light of day largely due to fans clamoring for them. I would argue that Busted Stuff has the edge on Zac Snyder’s version of Justice League, but I’ll leave that one for the courts. As for “Digging a Ditch,” it’s like a rocking chair; easy to groove with.
    37. “The Space Between” (2001)
    There was one night in college, maybe it was junior year and my buddy and I were sitting in my car, getting blazed and listening to Everyday, the new DMB album that had recently come out and was admittedly a little off-putting at first. It sounded like Dave Matthews Band run through a computer program. Anyway, that wasn’t what we talked about. No, we were talking about “The Space Between” and what it meant. I don’t remember specifics beyond us being stoned and sitting there kicking around ideas and frankly, that’s all that matters to me. Dave Matthews Band songs have been in my life for so long that they almost all have anecdotal memories attached to them, so more fleshed out than others.
    36. “The Song That Jane Likes” (1993)
    I like this song too. It should be called “The Song Jane and Ryan Likes.”
    35. “When the World Ends” (2001)
    Everyday was and still is such a weird album from the band. It’s a given that something gets lost when a band that is dynamic live enters the studio but on Everyday, so much life was drained from the band’s sound. It was jarring. However, what didn’t get lost in translation was the band’s strong songwriting. “When the World Ends” should be brighter and louder but there is some beauty in the restraint shown in this particular version and some solace in knowing the band could really rip in concert when needed.
    34. “Samurai Cop (Oh Joy Begin)” (2018)
    Listen, by 2018, Dave Matthews Band had hit that point of their career where anything new they released was just gravy. We had our hits, our songs we still listened to on a regular basis and hoped to hear when going to see the band live. Anything they released that was even close to fine was a win. It’s a low bar but it’s also a reality when a band has been around as long as they have. With that being said, “Samurai Cop” is a dope song with a cool title and boring subtitle and I’m not sure why it’s called what it’s called but I’m here for it, in the same way, I decided not to be here for that show “Tokyo Vice,” which just wasn’t as good as I was it’d be. But we can talk about that later.
    33. “Seven” (2009)
    It’s weird to say that in the band’s second decade, DMB decided to start getting weird with things because let’s be honest, DMB had been getting weird with things from the jump. I think by the time decade number two rolled around, they just continued being weird and wrote songs like “Seven,” which is a weird song and yes, I used “weird” a lot here but I think it’s okay. It’s all justified.
    32. “Recently” (1993)
    I’ll never get sick of summer. I’ll never get sick of cereal. I’ll never get sick of watching episodes of The Office (only ones with Michael Scott) and I’ll never get sick of listening to “Recently.” I Iike it when the song sounds like a honky down ho-down on the top of speeding locomotion. It’s fun. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk. Get home safe.
    31. “Ants Marching” (1994)
    Shit, man. I feel like this song should be higher. Oh well! No turning back now.
    30. “The Best of What’s Around” (1994)
    “The Best of What’s Around” is one of the best opening tracks ever. According to who, you ask. Me. That’s who. That snare fill. The groove. The way the chorus explodes into an ocean of happiness and sunshine and fucking rainbows. It’s beautiful.
    29. “Funny The Way It Is” (2009)
    “Funny The Way It Is” is a top-notch pop song and in an alternate universe, it has the feeling that the band should have tried to get to when recording “Everyday.” There’s no flash, and there are no funky time signatures. It’s straightforward, catchy, and has a delightful chorus that gets stuck in your head for at least three hours after listening to it. It even has a soaring guitar solo instead of a sax or violin solo. Is this when it all changed for Dave Matthews Band? Sure, maybe. Does this song mark the line in the sand that separates old-school Dave and new-school Dave? Well, I’ve thought about it for (checks watch) eight seconds and yes, I think it is.
    28. “If Only” (2012)
    Away From The World is something of an afterthought when taking stock of the band’s catalog but it’s not without a few gems. “If Only” is soft, tender, and simple. It looks deep into your eyes, takes you by the hand, buys you a drink, complements you on your shoes; really wines and dines ya. And a bonus is the drums. Carter Beauford isn’t known for showing restraint when it comes to his drumming but he’s perfect on this song.
    27. “Satellite” (1994)
    If this song wasn’t included, I’d feel dirty. Like I was trying to pull one over on myself. Oh and if you’re curious, “Crash Into Me” is not on this list and I felt nothing about that being the case.
    26. “Mercy” (2012
    “Mercy” feels like a spiritual cousin of “Funny The Way It Is.” Both songs are observations of the world, with both having tinges of optimism to them, optimism coming from the hope that things can be better. Dave can go dark at times but can also take swings at being the high tide of good feelings that rise all the boats.
    25. “Pantala Naga Pampa”>”Rapunzel” (1998)
    The one/two punch that opens Before These Crowded Streets, arguably the band’s best album, can’t be separated. They work in tandems, like peanut butter and jelly, or sleep and my bed. “PNP” is as delicious as an intro one could come up with and the world music vibe of it serves as a nice appetizer to the globe-trotting undertaken by “Rapunzel.”
    24. “Tripping Billies” (1996)
    “Eat, drink and be merry/for tomorrow we die” no doubt was featured in plenty of high school yearbooks back in the day and for damn good reason. It’s a great lyric and great way of looking at things. And this is fun: what exactly is the song about?
    Well, appearing on VH1 Storytellers a long time ago, Matthews said the song was about the first time he took acid. Like some of us out there, he took it and then immediately was struck with regret, crippled by not wanting to trip. But hey, once the wheels are in motion, there’s not much you can do, which is the stance he took. Dude ended up having a great time. Yet in another instance, when being interviewed by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Matthews elaborated some.
    Goats are cool. “Tripping Billies” is cool. I think we’re good here.
    23. “Grey Street” (2002)
    “Grey Street” is one of those songs that really makes you question the thinking behind shelving the Lillywhite Sessions. Were the label executives worried the songs were maybe too good? I don’t know how you listen to a track like “Grey Street” and think, yeah, we’re good, let’s do something else instead. The song stomps, hums, soars, and marches along as the band plays in perfect unison. I mean, did the original get weird and metal or maybe feature a strange flugelhorn part that no one really understood? Cause I don’t understand it and doubt I ever will.
    22. “Smooth Rider” (2005)
    Sure, “Smooth Rider” might sound a lot like Blackstreet’s classic “No Diggity” but it could be worse, it could sound like Blackstreet but not “No Diggity.” Life is all about perspective, kids.
    21. “Too Much” (1996)
    Walk with me, won’t you? You’ve been enamored with Under the Table and Dreaming since the fall of 1994 when you first heard “What Would You Say.” You’ve listened to the record countless times and naturally went and picked up Remember Two Things and Recently. You’ve been listening to those albums non-stop as well and you even bought a DMB t-shirt. You, my friend, are a big-timeDave Matthews Band fan.
    1996 comes, the winter trudges on and finally, spring starts to break. Around this time, something big happens. DMB release a new song, “Too Much,” the first single off of their new album. It’s loud and wild and massive and fun. You, as a newly minted big-time Dave Matthews Band, are living the dream, kid. You’re pumped. This song is fucking sweet and summer is coming and it’s going to be the summer of Dave! Just don’t forget the sunscreen. You will still get sunburned, no matter how much Dave Matthews Band you are listening to.
    20. “Everyday” (2001)
    It’s not like the album Everyday is a complete wash. It’s definitely not and I imagine if you’re a younger DMB or someone who wasn’t in the trenches when it came out, you most likely view it differently than I do or others like me who were big DMB fans at the turn of the century. But generational differences aside, the album’s title track is delightful. It sounds like flowers blooming or how nice weather feels when you have the windows open. It also sounds like “#36,” which makes sense because “Everyday” essentially evolved from “#36.”
    19. “Don’t Drink the Water” (1998)
    This is somewhat related, but did you know that in the summer of 1999, there were riots outside of a DMB concert? True story. The band was playing two shows over a lovely August weekend at the Meadows Music Center, just outside of Hartford and while the shows themselves were wonderful, the scene in the parking lot after both shows was not. Shit was gnarly. I know, I was there.
    Actually, I only kind of know but yes, I was there (and perhaps too drunk) and I walked by, stopped, looked, and was told to move along by cops in riot gear. Then I think I went to MacDonalds along with everyone around who wasn’t partaking in rioting. It was a surreal experience and sometimes I think back to that weekend and laugh, laugh not at the riots but at my buddy Wilson getting way too fired up about the band using a trio of backing singers on the tour. I thought they were fine. He did not. Also, don’t fucking riot after a Dave Matthews Band concert, ya jabronis.
    18. “What Would You Say” (1994)
    The one that started it all for so, so many of us. There was a world before this song and a world after.
    17. “Here On Out” (2018)
    The only bummer about this beautiful tune is that it came out in 2018 and not 1998. If it had come out in 1998, it would have been included in so many mixtapes. So many. It’s a damn shame. Probably would have made the song more popular. Making a playlist for a love interest or special companion just doesn’t hit the same way. Kids these days are missing out. And I know I already talked about that but IT’S TRUE.
    16. “So Much To Say” (1996)
    “So Much To Say” is one of those DMB tunes that when it comes on the radio, regardless of where it is in the song, I immediately lock into the groove and start singing along. The song is ingrained in me, it’s part of me. I hear it even when I don’t but when I do hear it, I definitely hear it and while that might not make a lot of sense, it does kind of sound like words Matthews would string together in a verse of one of his tunes so ultimately, it’s cool. And so is “So Much To Say,” a song that is something of a forgotten gem when taking stock of the band’s legacy and catalog.
    15. “Drive in Drive Out” (1996)
    Any live version of this song packs the punch of a thousand stampeding elephants but if you can find one from the late nineties, well you best lookout. The guitar riff is the match and everything else is soaked in gasoline. Once combined, a wild blaze is ignited and can’t stop, won’t stop.
    14. “Louisiana Bayou” (2005)
    There is a tightness to this song that feels like Everyday but it’s surrounded by a wonderful carefree vibe that is reminiscent of classic, good time having DMB. For DMB in 2005, possibly the best possible outcome of the couple of years that preceded it.
    13. “Grace Is Gone” (2002)
    “Excuse me please, one more drink/could you make it strong, cause I don’t want to think/she broke my heart, my grace is gone/one more drink and I’ll move on.”
    That’s some relatable pain right there and summed up perfectly.
    12. “The Last Stop” (1998)
    “The Last Stop” opens with a force usually reserved for cowboys kicking open a set of saloon doors and never lets up. Ever. It doesn’t even think about letting up. The thought never crosses its mind. “The Last Stop” is a wrecking ball, it’s shots of Yager chased with Tequila, it’s Fight Milk, it’s bare-knuckle boxing, it’s the promise of excitement and adventure and it’s the reality of adventure and excitement. “The Last Stop” is infused with fireworks, kid. It’s science.
    11. “Seek Up” (1993)
    So if we were including live versions of songs, “Seek Up” would be higher, especially if you were to take a live version from those golden years in the late 90s. You know, like from Red Rocks.
    “Seek Up” is one of those Dave Matthews Band songs that could only be a Dave Matthews Band and couldn’t have been written by anyone else.
    10. “Stay (Wasting Time)” (1998)
    Flip flops are always comfortable and so is “Stay.” Facts are facts, kid.
    9. “Granny” (1994)
    For a certain segment of the DMB faithful, “Granny” entered their lives via live shows and live recordings. It just kept showing up but where the hell did it come from? It’s not on anything the band released before Under The Table Dreaming and only emerged in studio form when an extended version of the album was released. Turns out it was recorded during the Table sessions and was even tapped to be the lead single off of the album. Yet at some point, plans changed, and “Granny” was shelved, at least the studio version was. It remained in heavy rotation at shows during this time, which helped boost its myth-like reputation. All these years later, it’s still a favorite at a DMB concert, something of a rallying cry for the old heads and youngsters alike.
    8. “Lie In Our Graves” (1996)
    “Lie In Our Graves” starts off calmly, smooth like a pond in the early morning hours. But as is so often the case, at a certain point the weather kicks up and the pond begins dancing with the weather as waves form and lovely little ducks run for cover. Nothing stays chill forever, broski, but alas, that’s not a bad thing, and with the weather kicked up by “Lie In Our Graves” once the rest of the band kicks in, excitement enters the picture. But hold on because things do get a little low-key once the song hits the bridge and thinking things are cool again the lovely little ducks return. Old men get their fishing gear out and there is a calmness that surely will stand pat for the remainder of the day. Right?
    No and especially when played live, things get all sorts of lively again and fuck those ducks and those old men fishing because it’s time to get nuts.
    7. “Jimi Thing” (1994)
    Dude, “Jimi Thing?”

    Enough said.
    6. “Bartender” (2002)
    “Bartender” is a massive song, a journey full of perpetual motion and forward trajectory. The music feels like an engine whether it’s the marching percussion or rumbling saxophone. There’s more flash to be found on Busted Stuff but “Bartender” sits there at the end, confident in what it brings to the table and not the least bit concerned it will be overlooked. How could it be? It’s an epic tune that feels as if it could go on forever, never really ending, just fading out.
    5. “You & Me” (2009)
    Dave Matthews Band found themselves in a transitional period at the end of that first decade of the 2000s as they were still reeling from LeRoi Moore’s death and trying to stay fresh and relevant. The band had always had too much fight in them to become a nostalgia act and didn’t seem the type to go quiet into that cold dark night. Amidst this backdrop, they released their last great album, Big Whiskey & the GrooGrux King, an album that concludes with the absolutely beautiful track “You & Me.” Driven by a chorus steeped in positivity, Matthews shouts from the rooftops that “you and me together could do anything, baby” and you can’t but help that it’s in fact true.
    The album ended up being nominated for two Grammys, Best Rock Album and Album of the Year, and while it didn’t win in either category, just being nominated coupled with their inspired performance at the show was more than enough to show that the band still had plenty left in the tank and send them into a new decade with some wind in their sails.
    4. “Two Step” (1996)
    Ah, I wish I could go back in time and listen to this song for the first time again. By now, the hits and booms and bashes – you know they’re coming but to experience them all fresh again would be amazing. We all have songs that we’ll never get sick of and “Two Step” is one of those for me. I may not always listen to it or pick it out of a lineup, but when I do, God I just appreciate the hell out of it.
    3. “Crush” (1998)
    My relationship with Dave Matthews Band goes back years. We’ve established that by now. What tends to happen when you have such a long relationship with a certain act is that songs become songs you don’t just love, but songs that inevitably have a memory or two associated with them, and then all these years later, long after the memory was first etched into your brain and soul, it still feels fresh. When you hear the song, the memory comes along for the ride. It becomes part of the appeal, not just of the song but of the act itself; a soundtrack of your life thing.
    “Crush” is a beautiful song. It’s timeless. It has a life of its own when played live but the original studio version still sounds amazing over twenty years later. And dude, every time I hear it, I think about a buddy from college. His nickname was Porter for reasons that are now not totally clear and towards the end of our freshman year, he essentially decided school wasn’t for him and became something of a passive observer. We would get back from class and you would hear him down the hall listening to “Crush” or Enya (Porter was an interesting dude) and drinking vodka and fruit punch. Memories peel off from that one memory and that’s part of the fun and its part of the reason why I love “Crush” so much.
    That and yeah, it’s a great song.
    2. “#41” (1996)
    As I get older, I tend to rely on the constants in my life. It makes things easier. One constant is that if Dave Matthews Band radio on Sirius is playing a version of “#41,” I’m in. No questions asked. I love how the chorus soars and the whole song has such a joyful bounce to it. Timeless, babe. “#41” is timeless.
    1. “Warehouse” (1994)
    There has always been a duality to Dave Matthews Band, a combination of light and dark. They have never been just one thing and frequently, aren’t just two things. They have always contained levels. Yes, levels. It goes back to the jump, a result of their unique backgrounds and instrumentation. It was the 1990s for crying out loud and they prominently featured a saxophone and a violin. Their drummer was a madman and their bass player might have been the dude down the hall who sold weed and listened to jazz records. And in front of it all was this lunatic from South Africa whose fingers danced as he played and his vocals bobbed and weaved like a player running for his life toward the end zone.
    “Warehouse” is the song that perhaps best exemplifies this duality as it’s a song that starts off so dark and almost ominous but before long it’s as bright as a summer day. There may be better Dave Matthews Band songs but “Warehouse” is musically a mission statement for the band. It’s grand and epic, intense and ethereal. Lyrically, it’s an embracing of the present and opening one’s arms to the current situation, loving that situation and realizing it might be the best of what’s around but it shouldn’t stop you from exploring what’s outside of its walls. Take the chances, open yourself up to new experiences.
    Dave Matthews Band has always charted a course of confident certainty coupled with a current flowing underneath of apprehension. To be only one way would run counter to how Dave Matthews Band has always operated and likely always will, regardless of what the future holds.
    Dare to get weird, kid. The Dave Matthews Band always have.
    Ryan harbors a constant fear of losing his keys, prefers flip flops, and will always choose cereal if it's an option. He maintains his own blog, Giddy Up America, and has previously contributed work to UPROXX & Heavy. Ryan is on Twitter: @ryanoconnell79
  10. Ryan O'Connell
    Last week I watched Elvis. No, let me rephrase that. Last week I tried to watch Elvis but had to bail after the first fifteen minutes, which is a long fifteen minutes. It’s an exhausting stretch that ping pongs around a handful of key moments in Presley’s life with wild, reckless abandon, complete with swirling visual flourishes and jolting musical ques. I was on a plane. I was tired. It was frankly, too much to handle.
    And I felt compelled to leave it at that. I had tried and that felt like enough. But alas, I’m at a point in my life where decisions aren’t made in a vacuum and a few days later, now comfortably back home, The Wife and I decided to give the movie another crack.
    Yeah, it’s still a lot but overall, it’s fine. It’s a fine movie. It’s not a great movie but I also wouldn’t call it a bad movie. Tom Hanks is bad as Col. Tom Parker but beyond that, it’s okay. The fella who plays Elvis does a hell of a job but ultimately it’s a biopic that like most biopics tries to do too much. How are we still at the point where we think we can cram someone’s entire life into two or three hours and then think we’re doing that person justice? It’s madness, man. If you’re going to do a movie about someone, odds are that that person did a crazy amount of living, usually in a short amount of time and if you think you’re going to faithfully capture it all, you’re nuts. You probably also think Hanks was good as Parker, which to be clear, he was not.
    More often than not, biopics stumble and bumble their way into existence. They almost always sound good in theory but then junk in practice. The bad clearly outnumber the good, yet they keep getting made. As I sit here today, a Bob Marley biopic is currently being filmed, there was supposed to be one about Madonna, but thankfully it was scrapped and Bradley Cooper is doing one about Leonard Bernstein. Oh, and who could forget Jonah Hill playing Jerry Garcia in a Grateful Dead biopic directed by Martin Scorcese. But you know there are others out there, ones presumably about any number of classic rockers and musicians taken from us too soon.
    A biopic about a musician is always an intriguing prospect because the musician in question is naturally fascinating and even though we might already know plenty about them, there’s always a desire to learn more. Would a documentary work? Yeah, probably, but we can’t resist the mysterious appeal of a well-known actor attempting to lose themselves while portraying a famous musician.
    If no one minds, I’d like to propose a few new rules for biopics about musicians. I don’t know if they’ll help but they certainly can’t hurt.
    1. Keep The Lying Or Exaggerating To A Minimum & Overall, No Big Time Lies
    So if you’re going to squeeze an entire life into two or three hours, then there’s going to be some skirting of facts and smudging of the truth. I guess that should be expected as you’re trying to move the story along and also cram as many details as possible into the movie. It’s fine. We kind of all get it and know what we’re in for. It’s not surprising when it happens.
    That is unless you go completely off-script and go rogue with the timeline and facts. Then it’s not cool. I don’t want to casually look up say, what Queen was doing heading into Live Aid and realize that they weren’t all but broken up and the show was a comeback show for them, which is what Bohemian Rhapsody would have you believe. That movie straight up sleeps on a bed of lies and once you know that, it kind of ruins it. You’re watching it under the impression that it’s a true story but the only truth involved is that the people behind the movie got cute with the facts, electing to side with the story they wanted to tell as opposed to the story that actually happened.
    You want to yadda yadda some things or play a little loose with timelines, that’s fine. But don’t do it to such an extent that we feel like we’ve been lied to. That’s not cool.
    2. No Gratitous Songwriting Scenes
    Ugh, you know the ones. The guitarist starts playing a riff and the rest of the band stops and the engineer hustles over to the board to press record and that riff becomes THE SONG, a classic that the group is known for.
    That’s bullshit and just knock it off. I’m not saying you need to cut it out completely, but let’s tone it down a notch, ok?
    3. The Actors Should Sing At Least 70% of the Time & The Actors Playing Instruments Should Really Look Like They’re Playing
    Austin Butler actually sang a lot of the songs in Elvis and in Walk The Line, Joaquin Phoenix sang everything and even learned to play the guitar in Johnny Cash’s unique style, which a pedicab driver in Nashville once told me is incredibly hard and who am I not to believe a pedicab driver in Nashville. In both movies, you can tell that the actors are singing (or mostly singing in Butler’s case) and I think it makes the movies better because it feels more real, which is saying something because very little in Elvis feels real. Contrast that with Bohemian Rhapsody where Rami Malek is lip-synching the whole time or even Ray, where Jamie Foxx is also lip-synching. It’s just not the same, fellas. It doesn’t matter how good you may be at lip-synching. It’s not a legitimate substitute for the real thing.
    Although in Malek’s defense, he was playing Freddie Mercury, someone who had one of the greatest voices ever. It’s not exactly something a vocal coach can teach you. He might get a pass there.
    As for the musicians behind the singer, do the work. If you’re playing guitar, make it look like you’re playing the chords. And God help me, if I see another “drummer” playing the wrong thing, like a ride cymbal when it should be a hi-hat, I might do something rash. I don’t even know what that rash thing might be but just the fact that I’m threatening a rash reaction should mean something. Don’t skimp on the small stuff here, people. There are rash reactions involved if you do.
    Also, it looks lame.
    4. Let’s Keep Things to a Specific Period of Time As Opposed To A Whole Life Story
    This rule should help future biopics follow the other rules mainly because of the fact that these biopics are trying to cover so much ground, there’s collateral damage. You know, facts, accuracy, general believability.
    So hey, instead of telling a whole life story, why not focus the movie around one or two main events? For instance, instead of telling the entire story of Queen leading up the Live Aid performance, why not focus the movie on the Live Aid performance? You can add some backstory in via flashbacks if you want but the Live Aid recreation was easily the best part of Bohemian Rhapsody. Run with that!
    In Elvis, that movie could have been about his 1968 comeback special. And what if Walk the Linewas just about the concert at Folsom Prison? I think narrowing the movie’s scope would help immensely and also make sure things don’t get sloppy and weird.
    5. Movies Should Be Done Independently
    Just like with documentaries, I think the families and estates of the subjects should be kept at arms distance. Directors and writers and actors can talk to them in the name of research but that’s where the relationship should end. If the family is involved, things can get muddy and biases get introduced. If I wanted a bias, I’d listen to someone talk to me about their kid.
    If anything, it makes Bohemian Rhapsody even more ridiculous because the dudes from Queen were involved and somehow were cool with such blatant disregard of the facts. The story of Queen is cool as is my dudes, you don’t need to embellish anything or sacrifice the truth for the sake of the narrative.
    Families can help fill in gaps but don’t get a seat at the table. Nothing good can come from it.
    You know, like Tom Hanks playing Col. Tom Parker.
    Ryan harbors a constant fear of losing his keys, prefers flip flops, and will always choose cereal if it's an option. He maintains his own blog, Giddy Up America, and has previously contributed work to UPROXX & Heavy. Ryan is on Twitter: @ryanoconnell79
  11. Ryan O'Connell
    Editor's note: This article was originally published in August 2022
     
    As we sit here, over ten years removed from the premiere of Game of Thrones, three years since the show ended, and now on the cusp of the premiere of House of the Dragon, a Game of Thrones prequel, it can challenging to take stock of the show’s legacy. On the one hand, there were the massive set pieces and battles, shocking deaths, and breath-taking episodes, i.e. the stuff you are likely to remember fondly. On the other hand, there’s the rushed ending that flew in the face of nearly everything that had come before. Everyone always likes to talk about the power of first impressions but let us not sleep on the power of finishing strong, something Game of Thrones most definitely did not do.
    Ah, but the nay-saying and nit-picking is boring and tired and worn out. I for one, like to think back positively about the show and think about those things I mentioned. I like to think about the scope of the show especially. You know, the big stuff, kid, the parts of the show that largely separated Game of Thrones from everything else on television.
    Game of Thrones just felt so enormous, certainly more massive than anything you’d have expected to see on television and anything we had seen up until that point.
    To this day, “Blackwater,” the penultimate episode of the show’s second season remains the most in awe I’ve ever been watching a television show. The scale of the Battle of Blackwater Bay was akin to something you’d have seen on the big screen, not on your own small screen, and from the comfort of your own home. I don’t care how big some of these new flatscreen televisions may be, there wasn’t a television screen out there prepared for what that episode entailed.
    From that point on, the show would continue to double down, especially when it came to battles. Almost every season from season two on had one and if not, there was a moment that rivaled a battle in terms of the emotional impact. For better or worse, with Game of Thrones we expected the grandiose. With a new show set in Westeros set to premiere and with it, a flood of Game of Thrones retrospectives and memories, it’s the grandiosity of Game of Thrones that is so easily remembered.

    But in between the battles and gasp-inducing deaths were the things that really made Game of Thrones so good, the little moments. For a show that operated on such a massive scale, it excelled at also capturing little moments between characters, usually right before things got cranked up a notch. The fireworks Game of Thrones provided were always the main takeaway, but more often than not, the calm before the storm moments was the stuff that got you at the time.
    And that’s what I want to focus on as we gear up to head back to the friendly confines of Westeros. I want to celebrate the ten best moments from the show.
    Of course, limiting myself to ten means that some classic Thrones’ moments aren’t making the cut, moments like when Jon and the Wildlings climbed the wall or when Tyrion killed his father Tywin. Likewise for when it appeared Theon had murdered Bran and Rickon or when Jon watched Yrgitte get killed. It wouldn’t be anything related to Game of Thrones without something unfortunate happening, though. Them’s the breaks in Westeros, kid.
    10. When the Mountain swiped Oberyn’s leg during their fight
    Episode: “The Mountain and the Viper” (S4, E8)
    Oh Oberyn, we hardly knew ya, bud.
    The Dornish Prince arrived in Westeros at the start of the show’s fourth season in the wake of The Red Wedding and Tywin Lannister having eliminated the Robb Stark-led threat from the North. For the Lannisters, things were pretty good, although this Oberyn fella was a bit too much of a wild card for their liking and seemed destined to cause a problem for them, which he eventually did, stepping in to be Tyrion’s champion when Tyrion chose trial by combat for his role in Joffrey’s murder.
    And it looked like Oberyn might actually pull off something of an upset against Cersei’s champion, the Mountain, the man responsible for the murder of Oberyn’s sister. But our dude got cocky and started celebrating at the five-yard line. A rookie mistake and when he wasn’t looking, the Mountain made him pay, first with his eyes and then with his skull.
    Oberyn’s death was a tough watch. Someone crushing another person’s head will do that. But there was something about his death that twisted stomachs and stuck with you. Here was a new character, a breath of fresh air, and a possible replacement for the main foe of the Lannisters, someone who could maybe take them down, and just like that, he was gone.
    If anything, it’s our fault for getting attached. At that point, we should have known better.
    9. When Jon watched Rickon die before the Battle of the Basterds
    Episode: “Battle of the Basterds” (S6, E9)
    So, if our first life lesson is not to celebrate too early, our second lesson is that you never run away from a deranged psychopath in a straight line. You gotta zig-zag, and be a little elusive because there’s a good chance the deranged psychopath in question might start shooting arrows at you and if you’re running in a straight line, you are making it super easy on them.
    Did you catch all that, Rickon? God, man.
    Of course, Rickon took a lethal arrow to the back and of course, Jon felt compelled to throw his well-crafted plan out the window and charge Ramsey and his large army all by lonesome. Very on-brand for Jon.
    But it was a little surprising because, since his resurrection, Jon had seemed like a man on a mission, someone possibly not so prone to bouts of emotion-led acts of foolishness. Going into the battle with Ramsey for Winterfell, it was clear Ramsey had the numbers and the advantage. Jon and his squad needed to play it perfectly and that all started with being patient. Yet then Rickon died and all that went to shit.
    Jon Snow 2.0 is out there still making Jon Snow 1.0 mistakes.
    8. When Littlefinger realized he was the one about to get got
    Episode: “The Dragon and the Wolf” (S7, E7)
    Season seven was supposed to be fun because finally, after so much time apart, the Stark children would be reunited. Well, except for Rickon. Can you imagine what Arya must have thought when she heard about the whole running in a straight line thing?

    But the good times didn’t really last that long, especially when it came to Sansa and Arya. Granted they had never been close, but you would have thought that some time apart and the experiences and hardships each had endured during that time would have brought them together. Not so much, though.
    Sansa was trying her best in a management position she was learning how to do on the fly and Arya was giving off major just-got-home-from-a-semester-abroad-and-now-I-know-things vibes and the two clashed. It got awkward and you know, it was a bummer because damn it, man, we had waited so long for any kind of Stark reunion. To have it sour so quickly almost didn’t seem fair.
    And then for Sansa to turn on Arya? Shit. Come on now.
    But surprise, Sansa and Arya fooled you, fooled me, and most importantly, fooled Littlefinger, who after seven seasons of being a devious son of a bitch in the shadows, finally reached the end of the road. The look on his face when he realized it was him on trial and not Arya, ooooh, that shit was delicious.
    7. When Margaery realizes Cersei is up to something by not showing up to her trial
    Episode: “The Winds of Winter” (S6, E10)
    Margaery Tyrell, like Oberyn, was a welcome addition to the show and while she stayed around longer than the Dornish prince, it still wasn’t long enough for my liking. But you know, Margaery was too good for us and definitely too good for Westeros.
    As season six wound down, the religious fanatics, the Sparrows, had captured the hearts and minds of Westeros and were set to hold a trial for Cersei. The charge? Living her life, I guess. And the trial was a who’s who of the Westerosi elite. Everyone and their uncle was there.
    Except for Cersei.
    And while the High Sparrow didn’t seem to see the problem with this, Margaery did and tried her best to convince the leader of the Sparrows that something was afoot and they needed to get the hell out of there. Naturally, he ignored her pleas to bail and doubled down, barring anyone from leaving.
    Then they all died. Except for Cersei.
    Margaery was a worthy adversary for Cersei but in the end, Cersei downs threats, both real and imagined, like some top-shelf Dornish red wine.
    6. When Tormund learns that Brienne is not a knight
    Episode: “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms” (S8, S2)
    It takes outsiders living outside of an established system to more often than not be the ones to correctly point out the faults of said system. In this case, it was Tormund ready to question some Westerosi bullshit like why the gals can’t be knights, especially when the woman in question is none other than Brienne of Tarth.
    Brienne getting knighted by Jaime on the eve of the throwdown with the White Walkers was definitely one of the high points of a flawed season eight and one of the most touching moments of the entire series. But in rewatching it, Tormund’s reaction to learning that Brienne wasn’t a knight really stuck out to me.
    Because yeah, why the hell Brienne wouldn’t be a knight? Brienne was badass and a better fighter than the majority of dudes rolling around Westeros calling themselves knights. But she couldn’t be one because of BS gender roles? Get out of here with that nonsense.
    It was wonderful that Jaime did what he did but not-so-wonderful that it took so long and a quiet moment before certain death for it to happen.
    5. When the Nights Watch Rangers find the bodies left behind by the White Walkers
    Episode: “Winter is Coming” (S1, E1)
    Silly me. Heading into the show’s seventh season, I was adamant that the only thing that truly mattered on Game of Thrones was the inevitable clash with the White Walkers. I felt that all the backstabbing and quibbles happening amongst the living would eventually be pushed aside in the face of a common enemy, effin’ ice zombies.
    Now, my main reason for this kind of thinking went all the way back to the show’s very first episode and how that episode began. It didn’t begin with Starks or Lannisters or dragons. It began with three members of the Nights Watch out for a jaunt north of the wall and hello, they run into a Wight and some meticulously placed dead bodies. That’s what the showrunners felt was the best way to start the entire series. That had to mean something right? The showrunners definitely had a plan and knew what they were doing right?
    Ugh, maybe skip that second question.
    But whatever. I felt very strongly about this because the prologue to “Winter is Coming” had such a distinct vibe and feel to it. Plus, over the course of the next couple seasons, amidst all the human shenanigans, the show would remind us not to sleep on the threat from the north. They kept dropping hints and the hints seemed important and damn it, I fell for it.
    Oh well, this is a great way to introduce a show, regardless of the overall meaning of the whole thing.
    4. When Daenerys pulls a fast one on the slaver when purchasing The Unsullied
    Episode: “And Now His Watch Has Ended” (S3, E4)
    We learned that Daenerys wasn’t to be trifled with from the early going and throughout the show’s first two seasons, we continued to be given examples of this being the case. Overlook her or underestimate her and she’d make you pay. The girl walked into a burning fire and walked out with three baby dragons. She’s not messing around, guys. Danys came to play.
    I feel that Danys reputation as a bad motherfucker was cemented four episodes into season three when she acquired The Unsullied. It definitely seemed like she was going to be giving up one of her dragons to get the highly touted army and for armchair experts like myself, that seemed like a steep cost, regardless of how amazing the army might be. It’s a dragon. You’d probably want to hold onto those.
    And then she did!
    And in the process, she pulled a fast one on the asshole slaver selling her The Unsullied and it was one of the most satisfying deaths in all of Game of Thrones. Eff that guy, am I right?
    After that happened, there was no denying the force of Danys.
    3. When Cat Stark sees Roose Bolton’s armor and gets wise to what’s happening at The Twins
    Episode: “The Rains of Castamere” (S3, E9)
    Where were you when The Red Wedding? Oh, that’s easy. IN A STATE OF SHOCK thank you very much.
    Do you know who wasn’t? Catelyn Stark. She got wise to the whole thing before poor Robb did and while that didn’t really do a damn thing, we still award her five bonus points and she gets extra time at recess.
    Catelyn sensing something was up and making eye contact with Roose and then confirming that treachery was coming in hot is one of those things that benefits from a second viewing because in the moment, it’s all happening so fast and everything becomes so dark and ominous, it gets overlooked.
    Another life lesson? Just listen to your mom. She knows what’s up.
    Cat knew Walder Frey was going to be salty about Robb reneging on his agreement to marry one of his daughters and that no amount of talk would cool him down. Walder Frey doesn’t get cooled down. Walder Frey lures you into his home and murders you under the guise of a celebratory feast. I bet that when Cat and Robb met up in the afterlife, the first twenty minutes they spent together consisted of her just looking at him and Robb pleading with her to stop, telling her that ‘yes, she was right and he was wrong.’
    It’s okay, Robb. We’ve all been there. I mean, not to that extent but yes, we’ve all been there.
    2. When the dogs start barking at Hardhomme
    Episode: “Hardhomme” (S5, E8)
    The massacre at Hardhomme is my favorite battle in Game of Thrones. God, I love it. It’s also probably the episode I think about and want to rewatch the most because that last twenty minutes or so is amazing. It’s creepy, it’s foreboding. It’s like a horror/action movie and you can’t take your eyes off of it.
    And it all starts when the dogs begin barking.
    Everything seems fine like it’s pretty much all going to plan. Yes, Jon would have liked more Wildlings to take him up on his offer to come south of the Wall, but beggars can’t be choosers and as Tormund points out, when the food runs out, they’ll change their mind. That one woman says goodbye to her daughters, says she’ll be right behind them and of course, that seems like a major red flag in hindsight but at the time it didn’t. It just seemed like something that character would say in that moment.
    And then the dogs start barking.
    Then the wind seems to shift and ooooh that feeling that shit is about to get a little crazy begins to creep its way up your spine. “Close the gates!” And that always sucks because without fail, someone just misses getting through the gates before they close, and then everything goes quiet.
    “Hardhomme” was Game of Thrones reminding you that they’re not effin’ around and when they need to, they can blast a 500-foot homerun or break off a 80-yard run. Oh and the way the Night King looked at Jon and when he raised the dead and was like, guess what assholes, I have a bigger army now…
    Damn it, I love that episode.
    1.When Daenerys sets sail for Westeros
    Episode: “The Winds of Winter” (S6, E10)
    Finally.
    No, really. Finally.
    After six seasons of trudging through deserts, being captured, being captured again, escaping death, vanquishing foes, sniffing out traitors, raising dragon babies and more, Daenerys was finally headed to Westeros. The show, which had always been massive in scale and scope was going to start contracting and coming together. Plots would begin to merge and an endgame was in sight.
    It was all very exciting.
    The Danys stuff had started to become almost its own show, albeit a great show, but still, one that was removed from everything else happening on Game of Thrones. It was fun while it lasted but it was time to get everyone in the same room and get down to business.
    Was this the last truly exciting moment in Game of Thrones? Yeah, maybe. The ones that would follow have a case but they are also hampered by context and surrounding events. Danys setting sail to Westeros has a purity the other moments don’t. Anything and everything seemed possible at that point. The potential of Game of Thrones was off the charts and nothing could get in their way.
    Well, except for themselves.
    But that’s for another time.
     
     
    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.
    To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com
  12. Ryan O'Connell
    Ah, yes, another Tax Day is upon us. I hope that you’ve either A) finished and completed your taxes or B) have found a way to lie low for a while if you’ve decided not to do your taxes this year. It’s only a matter of time before the cops come calling, kid.
    Ultimately there is nothing entertaining, fun, or enjoyable about taxes. Tax returns are kind of cool. However, they are slightly less cool if you remember that tax returns are essentially the government returning some of the money you’ve given them over the year. But whatever, it’s getting money and studies have shown that anytime you get money it’s a good time.
    Never let the details get in the way of your having a good time.
    The subject of taxes has actually been surprisingly well represented in the magical world of cinema. Somehow, numerous movies have been able to do the impossible: make taxes entertaining.
    Here are five of the better movies out there that in one way or another dealt with taxes.
    5. Say Anything
     
    It might have been a while since you’ve seen Cameron Crowe’s directorial debut and chances are, you probably only remember John Cusack’s Lloyd Dobler standing outside the bedroom window of Diane Court (Ione Skye.) There young Lloyd was with a boom box on top of his head, “In Your Arms” by Peter Gabriel playing its way into her room and into our heats. A more seasoned veteran might also remember the ending where Lloyd and Diane sit on a plane together, waiting for that fasten seat belt light to turn off. It was delightful.
    Well, friend, if not for Diane’s dad getting busted for tax invasion and losing everything including his house and probably most importantly, his prized jukebox, the two might not have ever gotten back together, effectively spitting in the face of arguably one of the best effin’ love stories of all time.
    See? Taxes aren’t always a bad thing. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some Peter Gabriel to listen to.
    4. The Untouchables
    The 1987 gangster film by Brian DePalma which told the story of how Elliot Ness brought down Al Capone is a classic. A rewatchable though? Well, only half of it really stands the test of time. There are definitely chunks of the movie that feel massively 80’s and thus, kind of dated. You know, things tend to drag at times.
    But either way, it’s a really good movie with Kevin Costner as Ness and Robert DeNiro playing Capone. Ness, an agent for the Bureau of Prohibition (part of the Treasury Department) is tasked with bringing Capone to justice; a damn near insurmountable task given the circumstances.
    Enter the hired geek. Ness learns that the best way to get Capone is not via the dead bodies and the booze, but through the dude’s taxes.
    Yes, taxes.
    America: murder might not get you locked up, but failing to properly pay your taxes definitely will. Well, sometimes.
    3. The Shawshank Redemption
    Shawshank Redemption is a movie that everyone stops and watches for at least twenty minutes when they come across it while cruising through the channels. It really is one of the most re-watchable movies of all time. Yet it’s also a kind of anomaly in that group. Most rewatchables are either comedies or action movies.Shawshank is a slow, meditative drama set mostly in the dark, stone walls of an old Maine prison. It doesn’t exactly scream rewatchable but it sure as shit is.
    Andy Dufresne, played by Tim Robbins, is sent to Shawshank for life after being convicted of killing his wife. A skilled accountant, Dufresne proves his worth to the prison’s corrupt warden by cooking his books, in addition to providing free tax advice to all of the guards.
    “Get busy or get busy dying” or get busy rewatching Shawshank for the 30th time. You’re choice.
    2. The Blues Brothers
    We’re saving a house again! But wait, this time we’re doing so with some chuckles and sweet, beautiful soul music along the way! Jake and Elwood Blues (played by the late John Belushi and living Dan Aykroyd) are the ones doing the house-saving as well getting the band back together, evading Johnny Law and Nazis, and trying to dodge a machine gun-wielding Carrie Fisher.
    Jake has recently been released from prison and the brothers find themselves on “a mission from God” to save the orphanage that raised them. The orphanage is set to be closed due to the orphanage’s inability to pay its taxes. 
    Whereas Happy Gilmore looked to save the day via golf, Jake and Elwood elect to raise funds via their own special brand of soul and blues music. This movie has some of the best musical segments out there. Musical numbers feature everyone from Aretha Franklin to Ray Charles, and also include numerous other killer musicians, not to mention a John Candy cameo.
    Oh, and so many car crashes. So many.
    1. Happy Gilmore
    So somehow it’s been twenty-five years since this Adam Sandler gem was released. That’s unfortunate. It makes me feel old. It also makes me long for a time when Sandler made movies I wanted to watch, although I’m totally cool with the Hotel Transylvania movies in case anyone was wondering.
    Want to know something? The Wedding Singer holds up surprisingly well. The Waterboy? Not so much. I guess it’s like deductions in that you win some, you lose some. Full disclosure, I’m not entirely sure how deductions work. I’m a grown-up!
    But as for taxes, Sandler’s character Happy Gilmore is a failed hockey player who discovers an uncanny knack for wacking the holy hell out of a golf ball. This coincides with the discovery that his sweet old grandmother has failed to pay taxes for several years, resulting in the bank taking her house. Gilmore sets out to raise the money she owes by playing in golf tournaments, befriending Carl Weathers, fighting both an alligator and Bob Barker, and eventually hooking up with Claire from Modern Family.
    It’s an American classic.
    Happy Tax Day, everyone.
     
    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.
    To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com
  13. Ryan O'Connell
    Peaky Blinders is not a great show. On average, I’d say it’s a good show. It has its moments where it flirts with maybe not greatness, but being very good, but there are also some not-so-good parts of the show. So I think that when all is said and done and the dust settles, declaring Peaky Blinders a good show feels right.
    As the show heads into its final season, it’s become somewhat predictable, but no less entertaining. Each season follows something of a similar cycle, complete with the introduction of new enemies and strategies to deal with said enemies, a few double-crosses, a handful of tense family meetings, and by the time the season is over a neat and tidy resolution. Well, except for the fifth season, which ended in an amped-up rush tumbling into foggy murkiness. Although even the final act of the season five finale wasn’t all that surprising, especially if you knew anything about British history. It was no less compelling though.
    And that seems to be the magic of Peaky Blinders, that even in their perceived weaker moments, the visual aesthetic, ambiance, performances, and soundtrack can lift it up and save the day.
    I recently got back into the show after abandoning the narrowboat in the midst of season three. The repetition was wearing on me then and that coupled with being a new parent, didn’t sit well with my growing lack of patience and precious free time I had to actually watch something. Plus I couldn’t really understand a word they were saying. So I bailed and for the most part, felt fine with my decision.
    But then I was compelled to return to Birmingham, this time with the captions on and pretty low expectations. Both helped and I made my way through seasons three through five pretty quickly, something that is admittedly pretty easy to do as they are only six episodes each. Could each season be at least ten episodes? Definitely. Peaky Blinders does love to yadda yadda themselves some plot, content to let Tommy explain things that happened when the time is right. Plus, why waste time showing something happening, something that may be crucial to one of Tommy’s beloved strategies when you could show Tommy walking in slow motion through the streets of Birmingham for the fifth time in an episode, am I right?
    Speaking of those slow-motion shots, that’s just one of a few things that are easily the best part of the show.
    The Slow-Motion Walking Shots

    They’re so good even if half the time you get the feeling that they’re only happening because they look cool. And for some reason, there are parts of Birmingham where fire is somehow shooting sideways out of buildings and you put some Shelbys striding menacingly in front of a fireball or two and you’re golden. Not even the introduction of automobiles can get in the way of there being some kind of need for the Shelbys to do some walking. My favorite is when they’re basically just walking across the street but it still happens in intense slow-motion with hammering rock music playing.
    When Arthur Says “By Order Of The Peaky Blinders”
    It sounds like the words are coming from the deepest parts of his belly, gathering strength and anger as they make their way to his mouth, and by the time they get there, they are the embodiment of doom, growled with the ferocity of a coked-up grizzly bear with PTSD from World War I.
    When The Rock Music Abruptly Stops
    From the beginning, Peaky Blinders has been in love with a certain kind of rock music. Early on, it was bands like Royal Blood or The Arctic Monkeys and while they’ve branched out since the show has a type: big guitars, thumping drums, a chorus fit for anthems that fill all corners of even the most dilapidated arenas. There was a point in the show’s fifth season, where Tommy is standing on a bridge and “War Pigs” by Black Sabbath plays and I was so happy for the show.
     
    You know “War Pigs” had been their white whale since it started. And finally, they got it. Good for them.
    The Joy Of Weird & Hard To Understand Tom Hardy
    Tom Hardy’s character, Alfie Solomons, was a fun addition to the show, but fuck all, what the hell was he saying. If there’s an argument to be made for why watching Peaky Blinders with the captions on is helpful, it’s a scene Hardy is in. Once you get those captions, you really get to marvel at the now customary Hardy absurdity and gleeful mumblecore that is Alfie.
    Bullets With Names On Them
    When The Peaky Blinders pledge to kill someone, they don’t just put that person’s name down on a sticky note. No. They scratch it into a bullet and then save that bullet. But wouldn’t it be kind of logistically problematic? What happens if you get the chance to shoot the person whose name is on the bullet but the bullet is in your other jacket? Do you wait? Do you quickly scrawl the name on another bullet? I feel like that as cool as I would find this, I’d also be stressed out by it. I’m very process-driven, mate.
    Briefly Retired Arthur’s Look At The Beginning Of Season Four

    Arthur is a fascinating character on Peaky Blinders. He could be incredibly one-note but my man has levels to him and at the beginning of season four, a year after nearly being hung, he has set out for a quiet life and literally let his hair down. You knew it wouldn’t last but I liked catching a glimpse of what retired Arthur looks like, an Arthur who is able to escape his gangster, Peaky-life. It might never happen again, so at least we’ll have the memories
    When The Shelbys Talk Gypsy
    The further along the series has gone, the further removed we’ve gotten from remembering the Shelbys gypsy background. But just when you had almost completely forgotten about where they came from, they have a scene where two members of the family yell at each other in Gypsy. I do love that part of the show, how it highlights the weirdness that lurks in the foothills of rural England.
    Johnny Dogs For Life
    Just look at this guy:

    That’s a guy you want in your corner. Johnny Dogs is a ride-or-die. Love Johnny Dogs.
    Adrian Brody’s Movie Mafia Guy Impersonation
    In season four, the new antagonist for Tommy is Luca Changretta, the son of a local mob leader Arthur killed in season three. Luca, played by Adrien Brody, comes to Birmingham for revenge, to enact a vendetta as he so frequently says. And that, like everything else he says during the season is said in a way I would best describe as mob movie karaoke. Brody’s Luca is equal parts Vito Corleone, Robert DeNiro, and Paul Sorvino. It’s cute.
    Curly
    Curly doesn’t do or say a lot but he doesn’t have to. I ride with Curly. Curly is my dude.
     
    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.
    To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com
  14. Ryan O'Connell
    May 25, 2021 is the 25th anniversary of Sublime frontman Bradley Nowell’s death. This piece was originally written in 2013 but has since been updated. Optional music accompaniment can be found here.
    Up-strokes on the guitar, but not as slow as reggae and not as fast as ska.
    A bass line that had tinges of funk and hip hop in it. The bassist was usually the talented one.
    Drums held together by sixteen notes on the high hat and high-pitched snare drum hits.
    It’s the sound of Sublime. Or more specifically, The Sound of Sublime or That Sublime Sound or Sounds Like Sublime. You know what I’m talking about.
    Since a whole generation of musicians got turned on to the short-lived southern California band, you’ve had the pleasure of hearing that distinctive sound at clubs, patio bars, beach bars, frat houses, and skate parks. That sound, The Sound of Sublime, supplanted punk and then grunge as the go-to sound for young bands in the late ’90s and early 2000s. It was easy at first glance, easy enough to latch onto and make your own. Even though you really weren’t making it your own. You were making it your own in the way stealing someone’s lunch and putting your name on it makes it yours. It’s what bands do before they’ve found a sound of their own. No shame in it. It’s just how the game goes.
    You are your influences before your influences become your jumping-off point.
    I was in the trenches, out there among these bands, and was one of these bands when that Sublime sound became dominant and increasingly prevalent. The Nirvana-style three-piece had faded into the distance and now it was the Sublime-style three-piece. The sound, the mash-up of reggae, ska, and rock was similar to punk in longevity. Punk was a part of it if you were so inclined. Hip Hop was as well. The tent where it all lived was the upstrokes of the guitar and under that tent it all made sense. It didn’t all make music, but it all made sense.
    Back in 2013, 3 Ring Circus: Live at the Palace October 21, 1995, a Sublime live album, was released. The show took place seven months before lead singer and guitarist Bradley Nowell died of a heroin overdose and nine months before the release of the band’s breakthrough album, Sublime. The live album features at least two songs from Sublime (“Caress Me Down,” “Garden Grove”) and is much more cohesive and features significantly better sound quality than the band’s other live album, Stand By Your Van, which was released back in 1998.
    3 Ring Circus was released to commemorate the 25th anniversary of the band’s first show which was on July 4, 1998. The album serves as a great reminder of who Sublime really was and where that sound of theirs, and subsequently the sound of thousands of other bands, came from. It’s pure, it’s loud and it’s fast. Bradley Nowell sang and played with a keen determination as if he was attempting to exorcise each and every one of his demons with every song.
    The album also brings up the Sublime Question again: what if Nowell hadn’t died when he did?
    In some ways, it’s a more complicated question than The Nirvana Question (i.e. what if Kurt Cobain hadn’t died when he did) because of how Sublime got popular after he had died whereas Nirvana was already massively popular when Cobain took his own life. Sublime started gaining momentum with their second album, 40oz to Freedom, which featured the first song I ever heard from them, “Date Rape.” But it was Sublime, with the better production and super catchy singles like “Santeria,” “What I Got,” and “Wrong Way” that really catapulted the band to stardom. I just don’t think we’ve ever seen anything like that before; a band getting so popular after they were essentially no longer a band.
    An album like 3 Ring Circus resonates with fans of the bands so much because Listening to it brings back so many thoughts and memories of the band and those related to the band. As a fan of music, Sublime will always be one of those bands I listen too and as a musician, Sublime was a huge influence on me, especially once I got serious about music when kicking around early incarnations of Sidecar Radio back in sunny Portland, Maine in 2002-03. I think so much of the appeal of playing music like Sublime’s comes down to the fact that statistically speaking, everyone loves reggae. However, those same studies show that reggae can sometimes get boring to play. Sublime breathed new life into reggae and at the same time, allowed a band to dabble in punk without having to look the part. You could dress like a normal dude and rage the fast parts with the best of them.
    And a lot of bands did.
    During my time with Sidecar Radio, we played with a lot of bands who embraced the Sound of Sublime, some of who did so much more closely than others and also some that were more successful than others. At the time it seemed completely normal to have that sound. But now, well over a decade later, it just seems unfathomable that a band with a career like Sublime’s has been able to have such a lasting legacy. When we talk about legacies in music- it’s always the heavyweights we talk about- Led Zeppelin, the Beatles, Nirvana, Bob Marley, etc.
    We don’t talk enough about Sublime and Sublime’s legacy and that seems wrong; it seems like we’re ignoring a very real trend that occurred in music for almost a decade. Instead of scoffing at Sublime or diminishing their accomplishments, shouldn’t we be talking about Sublime with more reverence, with more appreciation, and with more admiration for their apparent massive sphere of influence?
    I think we should.
    Yes, they were a crazy southern California party band and their songs could be the soundtracks to douche-paloozas everywhere, but Sublime was and is much more than that. Only paying attention to the negatives that come with them doesn’t seem fair, even if those negatives can be pretty damn annoying at times.
    The truth is that Sublime was a wildly influential band that created their own sound that was a catalyst for thousands and thousands of bands that hit the stage long after they were gone. Not many bands can say that and the ones that should deserve to be celebrated, whether you like them or not.
     
    Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys. For more of his writing  check out his website, GiddyUpAmerica.com
  15. Ryan O'Connell
    On Tuesday, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announced nominees for the class of 2022, a list of acts highlighted by Rage Against the Machine, Beck, Eminem, A Tribe Called Quest, and Dolly Parton. Yes, Dolly Parton is not in the Hall of Fame. Neither is Lionel Richie (as a solo artist) nor Pat Benatar. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, like most Hall of Fames (and awards in general) doesn’t really make a lot of sense.
    Now, for the most part, the general consensus is that this crew of nominees is both solid and deserving. First-time nominees like Beck, Eminem, and A Tribe Called Quest can all make a good case for why they should be nominated, while the aforementioned Parton and Benatar deserve to have their name called. For crying out loud, Parton wrote “I Will Always Love You” and “Jolene” on the same day and helped fund initial research for the COVID vaccine. I’m not sure what else she has to do. Maybe cure cancer? Give her time, kid.
    Rage Against the Machine feels like a first-time nominee, but they’ve actually been nominated four times already, striking out each time. You have to think that this is the year, right? Dionne Warwick is nominated for a second time and who knows, maybe being super fun on Twitter might prove to be an asset?
    Even though everyone seems okay with the nominees, there’s obviously going to be some grumbling from the back of the room about who didn’t get nominated. WHAT ELSE DOES TOAD THE WET SPROCKET HAVE TO DO, YOU BASTARDS? They wrote, “Fall Down” for crying out loud. Do they also have to a hand in coming up with a COVID vaccine, maybe one for kids under five? I mean, that’d be pretty sweet. So…maybe?
    Whatever. This is not the Toad the Wet Sprocket discussion. That obviously deserves more time. This is the Phish discussion. More specifically, it’s the should Phish be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame discussion.
    Should Phish be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?
    Who cares?
    No, I’m serious. Should they?
    I’m serious too. Who cares?
    Okay, well, Phish fans do?
    Great.
    So they tend to think the band does deserve to be in the hall.
    I’m sure they do. And I don’t know, maybe Phish does deserve to be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame but at the same time, who gives a shit. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is weird and the band already kind of is in the Hall of Fame because their famous hot dog is there. That’s pretty sweet and you could argue that it means more than the band actually being inducted.
    Does it though?
    Probably not. But whatever. It’s an award and awards are dumb. Doesn’t Phish seem like the kind of band who could care less about awards?
    Yeah, kind of.
    So why should fans then?
    It’s phans.
    Shut up.
    Okay, fine. But in some sense, getting nominated into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is validation, recognition that what an artist has done means something in the grand scheme of things. I think with that in mind, Phish definitely deserves to be there. As someone pointed out on Twitter today, “they are routinely on the highest-grossing tour list, they’re masters of industry/musical innovation, they pioneered online downloads AND the modern festival.” And when they appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone in 1998, they called the band “the most important band of the ’90s.” The 90s! So much happened in music during that decade that to call them the most important band of the decade is in the words of Andy Samberg playing Nic Cage, “high praise.”
    You can make a case for them getting in based on their influence on the live music side of the ledger, but I think where the argument hits a wall is when you look at their albums.
    Proceed.
    Of their fifteen studio albums, only six have managed to go Gold. Three of them have cracked the top ten with Billy Breathes and Fuego reaching number seven and The Story of the Ghost reaching number eight. They’ve done a little better with songs. Both “Heavy Things” and “The Connection” reached number two on Billboard’s Adult Alternative Airplay chart. However, the last song they had to make any noise on that chart was “Breath and Burning,” which made it to 23 in 2016. They’re not exactly tearing up the charts.
    So what’s your point?
    It’s kind of a one-lane highway with Phish. They don’t have tiers of success. Yes, they are a touring juggernaut, and that matters. But on the flip side, they don’t have much of a legacy when it comes to success commercially with sales and charts, which is something the hall factors in when nominating acts.
    Wait, how does the Hall decide who gets nominated?
    From a press release that came out today: “To be eligible for nomination, an individual artist or band must have released its first commercial recording at least 25 years prior to the year of nomination. Factors such as an artist’s musical influence on other artists, length and depth of career and the body of work, innovation, and superiority in style and technique are taken into consideration.”
    Okay, helpful. Thank you. But breaking that down into bullet points, doesn’t Phish have a case? They released their first album well over 25 years ago, their influence is undeniable, the length & depth of their career can be summed up by the fact that they tore shit up in the summer of 2021 with the fire of a thousand splendid suns, innovation is their bread and butter and no one can question their chops.
    Yes, I think their influence is undeniable but I also think their influence is mainly undeniable as a live band, which goes along with my point of them only operating on one side of the ledger.
    What about the length and depth of their career?
    Yeah. Great. They’ve been around forever. But that’s just one thing to consider.
    Fine. What about the Grateful Dead? They’re a close historical comp and they were inducted in 1994. If they can get in, why can’t Phish?
    I defer to Steven Hyden on this one.
    Classic rock radio stations probably play a Dead song once a day. Who plays Phish? Maybe the local college station? Kind of not the same thing (and that’s no disrespect to college radio stations. My favorite local station is one and yes, every once in a while I hear a Phish song, but even with them, I hear the Dead more.)
    But what about something like Big Cypress or the Bakers Dozen run?
    Notches on that side of the ledger. But I think when it comes to the hall, everything needs to be considered and Phish’s near-complete absence from whatever you want to consider the mainstream matters. If something like Billy Breathes was bigger and/or maybe “Down With Disease” was more of a radio hit, it would be a different story.
    Well…
    Well, nothing. I think that’s that and there’s not much that can be done about it. AND THAT’S FINE. Who the hell cares about Phish getting into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Phish is Phish. It’s a community and a family. Who cares about outside approval? Phish fans love Phish and that should be all that matters, especially at this stage of the game. I get the desire to want the band to be recognized for their achievements by folks outside the tent and I think at some point that will happen, but that’s not now and probably won’t be anytime soon. Direct your concerns elsewhere, Phish fans. At some point, the Hall will come calling but until then…

    Rage and Tribe should get in though, right?
    Oh yeah. Hundred percent.
     
    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.
    To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com
  16. Ryan O'Connell
    The halftime show of the 2022 Super Bowl is not messing around. In the first Super Bowl held at the brand spanking new SoFi Stadium in Los Angeles, hometown boy Dr. Dre is taking the helm, captaining a ship that includes Kendrick Lamar, Snoop Dogg, Eminem, and Mary J. Blige. You could make an argument that two of those performers (Kendrick and Eminem) could probably headline the show on their own. But Dre has assembled them like Infinity Stones and much like Thanos is set to do some damage.
    I mean, not exactly like Thanos. Just want to clarify that for anyone keeping score.
    This comes a year after The Weeknd performed, a performance that was cool if not mildly unsettling. Yet to be fair, The Weeknd’s music has always felt like it belongs after hours, so having him perform in primetime never really made sense from the moment it was announced. He did seem to benefit from a lack of a Super Bowl-sized crowd though, allowing him to play to the camera more than the audience, something of a natural move given the evolution of the gig. Over the last decade, the halftime show has been transitioning from a live spectacle to a televised one. I’ve often wondered what it must be like seeing the show in person because it has certainly seemed as if the folks actually in attendance are an afterthought. The artists performing seem to be gearing everything to the folks at home, not those actually there.
    It’s hard to nail down when this shift actually began to happen but it feels like it has coincided with the shift in who is performing, the move from rock bands to pop artists. This transition to the halftime show’s latest era began at the start of the last decade, probably unofficially in 2011, when the Black Eyed Peas played. Since that year, it’s been one pop act after another, with two exceptions: Coldplay and Maroon 5, two bands that are “rock bands” but also pop. So it was a deviation but not a major one.
    The Red Hot Chili Peppers also performed, backing Bruno Mars in 2014. But frankly, the best said about that performance, the better.
    If we’re currently in the Pop Star-Centric Era, what were the previous eras? I’m so glad you asked.
    The Marching Band Era (1967 – 1968)
    Marching bands would be a fixture during the halftime show for at least the next two decades, but what made these first two Super Bowl halftime shows unique was that they didn’t include a theme. They just featured marching bands. That’s it.
    Super Bowl I featured the marching bands from the University of Arizona and Grambling State University performing with trumpeter Al Hirt. The music was accompanied by the Anaheim High School Drill Team and Flag Girls, 300 pigeons, and 10,000 balloons. One year later at Super Bowl II in Miami, Grambling State University returned to perform, this time getting the gig all to themselves. Not even the pigeons were there. An exact balloons count is unknown at this time.
    The First Era of Themes (1967 – 1979)
    Themes were incorporated into the halftime show starting with Super Bowl III in Miami. Why? It’s simple. Everyone loves a good theme. That year, the theme was “America Thanks” and featured the marching band from Florida A&M University, as well as various high school bands from the Miami area. Again, no pigeons.
    Next year at Super Bowl IV, the halftime show was the first one to really highlight and feature performers that weren’t a marching band. Although don’t worry, a marching band still performed. With the game in New Orleans, the theme was “Tribute to Mardi Gras.” The Southern University Marching Band played alongside Al Hirt, Marguerite Piazza, Doc Severinsen, and Lionel Hampton. Two years later at Super Bowl VI, also in New Orleans, the theme was “Salute to Louis Armstrong.” The show featured Hirt once again, as well as Ella Fitgerald, Carol Channing, the USAFA Cadet Chorale, and the U.S. Marine Corps Drill Team. It was the first halftime show to not feature a marching band from a university. No pigeons either.
    Throughout the seventies, themes ranged from “Happiness Is” at Super Bowl VII to “Tribute to Duke Ellington” at Super Bowl IX. In 1976, the theme was “200 Years and Just a Baby: A Tribute to America’s Bicentennial” and featured Up With People, a group of enthusiastic youngsters looking to inspire everyone through the power of song. Up With People made their halftime show debut five years earlier, performing alongside the marching band from Southern Missouri State University. They would perform at the halftime show a handful of times throughout the 1980s because of course they did. The 1980s were weird. You know, just in case you forgot.
    Disney got into the halftime show game in 1977 at Super Bowl XI. With a theme of “It’s a Small World,” the show, based on the ride at their theme parks, featured the Mickey Mouse Club, as well as the LAUSD All-City Band. It was also the first halftime show to feature crowd participation, with the crowd waving different colored placards throughout the performance as well as a section of Dads sleeping through the whole thing, something you also find when going on the actual ride. Disney is nothing but thorough.
    The Second Era of Themes (1980 – 1991)
    Themes at the halftime show continued into the 1980s with the first game of the decade, Super Bowl XIV in Pasadena, having a theme of “A Salute to the Big Band Era.” Up With People was back for this one, as was the Grambling State University Marching Band. For the Up With People heads out there, the group of well-meaning youngsters would go on to perform two years later at Super Bowl XVI in the Pontiac Silverdome in Michigan where the theme was “Salute to the 1960s and Motown.” They would also perform at Super Bowl XX in New Orleans where the halftime show theme was “Beat of the Future.”
    Disney, after producing the 1977 show, would produce two halftime shows in the 1980s, the first one in 1984 at Super Bowl XVIII in Tampa where the theme was “Salute to Superstars of Silver Screen.” It featured the marching bands from the University of Florida and Florida State University. Disney then produced the halftime show at Super Bowl XXI in 1987, again at the Rose Bowl, with a theme of “Salute to Hollywood’s 100th Anniversary – The World of Make-Believe.” The show included performances from halftime show veterans the Grambling State Marching Band, as well as the marching band from the University of Southern California and drill teams and dancers from area high schools. Disney characters, George Burns and Mickey Rooney were also part of the festivities.
    Don’t even ask. There were no pigeons.
    The last two halftime shows of the 80s both started to hint at the bigger productions that were to come in the next decade. Super Bowl XXII in San Diego included a theme of “Something Grand” and with it, 88 grand pianos, Chubby Checker, The Rockettes, and the combined forces of marching bands from both San Diego State University and the University of Southern California. A year later in Miami at Super Bowl XXIII, rock and roll from the 1950s was celebrated, as well as the magic of 3-D because I guess that combination makes sense. The show featured an Elvis Presley impersonator joined by dancers from all over Florida, but more importantly, a barrage of 3-D images.
    Again, the 80s were weird.
    The Era of Themes Plus Big Name Headliners (1991 – 2004)
    In the 1990s, the Super Bowl halftime show began to change and evolve into the spectacle that we know today. Super Bowl XXIV in 1990 and Super Bowl XXVI in 1992 still featured university marching bands but the bands would soon be replaced by pop stars. Yet the real shift happened in 1991 at Super Bowl XXV. The show, again produced by Disney, included the New Kids on the Block, who were at the height of their popularity at the time. The band’s performance was bookended by children singing “It’s A Small World After All.”
    Themes in the 1990s included “Rockin’ Country Sunday” at Super Bowl XXVII in Atlanta featuring a handful of country stars, “Take Me Higher: A Celebration of 30 Years of the Super Bowl” at Super Bowl XXX in Arizona highlighted by Diana Ross and “Salute to Motown’s 40th Anniversary” at Super Bowl XXXII in San Diego that featured Motown legends Smokey Robinson and the Temptations, as well as Boyz II Men, Queen Latifah and making their triumphant return, the Grambling State University Marching Band. Super Bowl XXXIII in Miami had a theme of “Celebration of Soul, Salsa, and Swing.” Stevie Wonder, Gloria Estefan, and swing band Big Bad Voodoo Daddy all performed, all but ensuring that as a society, we never forget the regrettable swing fad of the late 90s.
    The only halftime show of the nineties to not feature a theme happened at Super Bowl XXVII. Although to be fair, you could just say the theme was “Michael Jackson.”
    Themes continued into the early 2000s, although they were mostly an afterthought. Shows started to feature top-line talent and some of the biggest acts in music. “Tapestry of Nations” at Super Bowl XXXIV in 2000 starred Phil Collins, Christian Aguilera, Toni Braxton, and an 80 person choir, and next year at Super Bowl XXXV there was “The Kings of Rock and Pop” featuring Aerosmith (i.e. the “Kings of Rock”) and the Kings (and Queens) of Pop: ‘NSYNC, Brittany Spears, Mary J. Blige, and Nelly.
    At Super Bowl XXXVI in New Orleans, the theme was “Tribute to Those Killed in the September 11th Attacks.” U2 performed solo, the first time the halftime show was a single-bill affair since the Michael Jackson halftime show almost a decade earlier. U2 was still at the height of their popularity at the time — they hadn’t even dreamed of dropping an album all sneaky-like onto your phone when you weren’t looking yet — and to a nation still reeling from the attacks of 9/11, they were perfect to provide some healing. And for what it’s worth, it did; they provided what was a beautiful and memorable moment. Call it the right band for the right time or call it a win all the way around, but still, U2 were the exception. The veteran rockers had the ability to provide a catharsis for people and not have it seem cheap or cheesy. Just look at what they did in Paris a little over a decade later.
    After a themeless year in 2002, themes were back at Super Bowl XXXVIII, the last one to include a theme. “Choose or Lose” featured Jessica Simpson, P. Diddy, Nelly, Kid Rock. But the show would go on to be best remembered as the halftime show where Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson performed. And you probably remember what happened then.
    The Post-Nipplegate Era (2005 – 2012)
    At the tail end of Super Bowl XXXVIII’s halftime show, that thing happened with Timberlake and Jackson and as a result, the next decade-plus of Super Bowl halftime shows would be a delicate back and forth between performers that were trustworthy and performers that were questionable, but not all that risky. It was a wonderful run of course corrections and reactions to the year before, kind of like Weezer’s entire career. The end result was a run of halftime shows featuring legendary rock bands, massive pop stars, and sometimes, a combination of the two.
    The first artist to perform in the Post-Nipplegate Era was Paul McCartney, someone who was all but a guarantee not to show a boob during the performance. McCartney was a safe pick, albeit an uninspiring one. But what did everyone expect? It’s Newton’s Third Law, kids. “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” You show a boob on national television, you get Paul McCartney. And then you get the Rolling Stones, who performed a year later at Super Bowl XL.
    The NFL was obviously feeling slightly reassured about things the next year, making them confident enough to take at least a little bit of a risk as Prince was tapped to play the halftime of Super Bowl XLI. Everything seemed on the up and up until he acted like his guitar was his penis and just like that, Super Bowl XLII featured Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Super Bowl XLIII starred Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band and Super Bowl XLIV included The Who.
    Again, Newton’s Third Law.
    By the time 2011 rolled around the NFL once again felt at least mildly reassured that musicians were able to behave themselves in public and the Black Eyed Peas were called to perform, joined by Usher and Slash of Guns ‘n Roses. They did fine and the next year at Super Bowl XLVI Madonna was the headliner. Madonna behaved herself, but M.I.A., who was brought along to perform, flashed the middle finger at some point. Thankfully, reactions were kept largely in check (in public at least) and Beyoncè was brought in to perform at Super Bowl XLVII, helping to usher in a new era for the halftime show.
    The Biggest Pop Star In The World Era (2013– Present)
    Following Beyoncè’s dominant performance in 2012, Bruno Mars damn near shocked everyone and killed it the next year. That was followed by a delightfully entertaining Katy Perry performance in 2015. Headed into Super Bowl 50, there was plenty of speculation about who might perform but barely anyone mentioned Coldplay, which made the announcement that the band had been selected for the gig all that more surprising. Or to be even more accurate, the news was met with a resounding “meh.” A lot of the criticism was rooted in the very credible argument that they weren’t “a Halftime Show band” or framed by the popular question — “was Taylor Swift not available?”
    Of course, right from the jump, there were rumors of a Beyoncè appearance. After all, it was hard to ignore that she was on the band’s album that had been recently released. Besides, the general consensus was that in order to be successful, Coldplay would need help. Who better than Beyoncè? Well, as it would happen, Beyoncè and Bruno Mars.
    By the time Bey had confirmed her part in the year’s biggest performance and dropped the incredible “Formation” on the day before, barely anyone was considering the Halftime Show to be Coldplay’s. It was all about Beyoncè now. Even Mars was an afterthought, but at least he was an afterthought before Coldplay. Throughout the first and second quarter of the game, Twitter was on Beyonce-watch. Sure, CBS kept saying it was Coldplay coming up at Halftime, but Beyoncè was the real draw. We all knew it, we all felt it, we all said it.
    And then it happened and as was to be expected, Beyonce stole the show from both Coldplay and Bruno Mars. Although if we’re being fair, Bruno Mars (joined by Mark Ronson) held his own. Reaction on Twitter was tough but fair.
     
    But it wasn’t Coldplay’s fault! They tried. They gave it their all. In the end, they were simply collateral damage in the halftime show’s burgeoning war with rock bands. The gig has become such a spectacle, such a production, that a band simply standing there and playing their instruments wouldn’t cut it. Again, not their fault but facts are facts.
    I mean, the next year Lady Gaga effin’ jumped off the roof of the stadium!
    A band can’t do that! Few people can do that! Lady Gaga played the halftime of Super Bowl LI all by her damn self because she’s Lady Gaga and she didn’t need anyone to come out and perform with her. She not only killed her performance but she killed the idea that a rock band could ever play the halftime of the Super Bowl again.
    Justin Timberlake came back to perform the next year and pulled his set off without showing anyone’s boob, which I’m sure was a relief to the NFL. He had a band with him (as well as a marching band!) but for the most part, it was again a massive pop star performing, which at this point, just made sense. Actually, it made as much sense as Maroon 5 being named the performer for Super LIII didn’t make sense. Ugh, Maroon 5. I didn’t even know they were a thing anymore and I’m not sure Adam Levine did either. Are the other members in the band kept in a Westworld-like cold storage facility, waiting for him to call and see if they want to perform?
    Whatever. Who cares.
    Maroon 5 played and were joined by Big Boi and Travis Scott and perhaps the most memorable thing about the whole deal was how unmemorable it was. Many asked why the NFL hadn’t gotten someone bigger, someone, like Rihanna or Cardi B. But then it came out that both had declined to play, standing in solidarity with Colin Kaepernick, who had been effectively blackballed from the league. So, then you get Maroon 5. At least it was a good game, right? Oh, yeah. Nevermind.
    And that brings us to Jennifer Lopez and Shakira performing in 2020, The Weeknd’s set in 2021, and now Dr. Dre and friends performing this year. Next year, who knows? If any band were to get the nod, it could maybe be the Foo Fighters, but I wouldn’t put any money on that. The safer bet would be someone like Ed Sheeran, Dua Lipa, Olivia Rodrigo, or shit, bring Beyoncè back.
    Anyone besides a band.
    Those days, like the ones where marching bands and themes were involved, are over.
    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.
    To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com
    Portions of this piece originally appeared on UPROXX & Heavy
  17. Ryan O'Connell
    It’s going to snow, kids!
    Well, maybe. Reports as of Thursday afternoon are a little scattered if you will. For instance, I look at AccuWeather and it says we’ll either get one to three inches or at least a foot. Middle ground? There is no middle ground. This storm, Winter Storm Kenan, is as divided as our gosh darn political system in this country, am I right?
    But yes, Winter Storm Kenan. It could be a doozy. If there weren’t more pressing matters right now like Joe Rogan explaining what constitutes a black person, the NFL playoffs, and *checks notes* oh God, another Kanye album, Kenan would be all people here on the Eastern Seaboard could talk about. Instead, it’s just kind of out there, milling about, biding its time until we have a moment to give it some attention.
    I’d say give it a few more hours. Once things become a little bit more clear and if it seems that a storm, a “bomb cyclone,” is indeed imminent, you know what’s going to start happening.
    How much snow are we supposed to get? When is the snow supposed to start? Will it be wet snow or nice, pillowy soft snow? No really, how much snow are we supposed to get?
    It’s going to snow. We get it. It’s probably going to snow a lot. You’re going to be hunkered down for the foreseeable future with nothing but your wits, Netflix, and Oreos to get you through. On the plus side, for at least a day or two, trying to hide from COVID shouldn’t be a concern. So there’s that, right? Plus there are new episodes of Ozark to watch and if you skipped Station Eleven, now is your chance to right that massive wrong.
    I think we should turn our attention to something else if you ask me.  We should spend our last few snow-free hours talking about something other than the incoming snowstorm because endless snow talk just becomes kind of a bummer. It’s like rehashing the final season of Game of Thrones. What’s the point, right? It was a bummer. Done and done. Watch the first few seasons. They were the best. Season three was the show’s high watermark.
    But whatever, no snow talk. I say that instead of talking about snow as in weather, let’s talk about snow as in Snow, the Canadian reggae/rapper. You know, the guy who sang “Informer.”
    Admit it, you remember “Informer.” However, when was the last time you even thought about Snow?
    Cue: crickets.
    I thought so.
    Come August of this year, it will have been thirty long and lonely years since Snow dropped “Informer” on us, riding the wave of white dude pop-rap ushered in by the success of one Vanilla Ice. Has the world been the same since? Yeah, probably. But that’s beside the point because for one wonderful moment in time, a white dude from Canada spitting completely incomprehensible lyrics by affecting a not-great patois provided the soundtrack to our lives and now, with mountains of snow (maybe) bearing down on us, thinking back to that glorious time and more importantly, wondering how the hell did that happen, is what we should be busying ourselves with.
    So, How Did Snow Happen?
    Snow happened because a white Canadian fella named Darrin O’Brien grew up in a housing project outside of Toronto. Growing up in such an environment meant that he was exposed to what sociologists call a “diverse neighborhood” or because it’s Canada, a “diverse neighbourhood.” In said neighbourhood, there was a large population of Jamaicans due to the immigration policies of then Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau (the father of current Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,) and as a result, O’Brien’s neighbors were a Jamaican family. This family introduced a young O’Brien to reggae and bestowed upon him the nickname “Snow.”
    A legend was born. Just like that.
    Well, actually, the legend was born when Snow hooked up with a Jamaican-born DJ, Marvin Prince, who began working with the rapper/singer. A few years later, 12 Inches of Snow was released, an album that included “Informer,” and would go on to sell more than a million copies.
    Wait, I skipped over Snow being thrown in jail for allegedly trying to kill someone! Should I have mentioned that? Well, now you know. I bet you can’t guess where he got the inspiration for “Informer?” Apparently, Snow harbored some beef with the justice system, resulting in him I guess, wanting to “a likka boom boom down.”
    And speaking of that…
    What The Hell Is Snow Saying?
    You mean, when he sings “I likka boom boom down?”
    Oh, wait. I was wrong. My bad. Context is everything. That should help.
    Let’s take a stab at figuring this out.
    It seems like our friend Snow was blamed for something, specifically stabbing someone down the street. I now regret using the phrase “let’s take a stab.” Anyway, I still don’t know what he means by “I lick he bum bum down,” but upon further investigation (not cited for legal reasons of course) it means he’s gonna kick your ass (i.e. give your bum some licks).
    Alright, seems like a roundabout way to get there, but moving on.
    They blew down your door, Snow? I would have expected more from Canadian cops based solely on Kids in the Hall skits. And they crawled through the window? What the heck, was the SWAT team present, too? What did you do, Snow? I’m thinking you might have done more than just “stab someone down the lane.”
    You, Snow, have some explaining to do. And please, if it could be even slightly coherent, that would be great.
    Beef with the cops, huh? Seems like it’s not just an American problem.
    Although, it seems like Snow’s beef is that they won’t let him call his lady friend, the one “me callin’ a the one Tammy.” To be fair, that’s not much of a legitimate beef, at least not how I’ve been taught about what is and isn’t a beef (again, not citing sources for legal reasons.) To me, not being able to call “the one Tammy” seems more like a gripe than anything.
    Phone calls and alleged beefs aside, if you think Snow is going to flip, you done lost your damn mind, friend. Snow isn’t going to cooperate. Especially not with the cops! Please!

    Snow isn’t going to elaborate anymore, either, though, especially when it comes to his time behind bars so you’ll have to sit with the unknown when it comes to the full and unvarnished story of “Informer.” The rest of the song is a word cloud collage of musings about his girl, stories about his upbringing, and one or two other examples of police up in dude’s business.
    Really, you just have to sit back and say to yourself, “I lick he bum bum down.” It truly was the “C’est La Vie” of 1992.
    What Happened To Snow?
    Snow continued to record and release music over the course of the next decade with his last album, Two Hands Clapping, coming out in 2002. Probably not surprisingly, none of the albums or the songs on them failed to reach the levels of success “Informer” did. They did not “lick he bum bum down” on the charts if you will.
    So our boy Snow retreated to a life of solitude, eventually connecting with proper legal representation that helped him cash in on the long trail of “Informer,” allowing Snow to make a living on the song’s royalties.
    “All I can say is that I’m blessed,” Snow said in 2019. “You mean do I have another job? No way. I don’t want nothing, a plane or a boat. Music is all I know.”
    In 2019, “Informer” had something of a resurgence, thanks to the song’s inclusion in Daddy Yankee’s “Con Calma,” a song that was something of a Spanish remake of Snow’s bread and butter.
    The song became Snow’s first tune to crack the Billboard 100 since, well, you know, the original “Informer.” It also took home awards, winning Top Latin Song of the Year at the 2020 Billboard Music Awards and collecting six awards at Latin Billboard Music Awards later that year.
    In 2019, Snow was asked if he had any plans to capitalize on the success of “Con Calma” and the renewed interest in “Informer.”
    “Capitalize?” he said as if the word is foreign to him. “That doesn’t mean much to me. I’m in and out of music. I only do it when I feel like it. It blows up or [it doesn’t]. I don’t care.”
    And for the most part, Snow has been largely out of music, leaving us to bask in the glory of “Informer” every winter, when a big old snowstorm rolls around and it behooves us to not drag ourselves down with talk of snow the weather, but instead, Snow the Canadian rap/reggae star.
    So at least there’s that.
    With that being said though, have you bought batteries yet? You probably should. Booze too. You don’t want boredom to “lick he bum bum down.”

    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.
    To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com
    Portions of this piece originally appeared in UPROXX.
  18. Ryan O'Connell
    2021 was the year TV reminded us that yes, there’s a lot of it. 2020 was understandably quieter on the small screen front because of the pandemic-induced shutdowns but once the creative types figured out how to work under strict and constantly changing COVID guidelines, it seems like the flood gates opened and it was all systems go. Yet even with things getting somewhat back to normal, you could still feel the presence of COVID even if it wasn’t as direct as actors wearing masks on screen. HBO’s The White Lotus seemed to have been created during a conversation about how a show could be made safely and even Succession had moments where you could feel the guidelines in the room as characters were more spread out than usual.
    But whatever! Thanks to these guidelines and people taking the necessary precautions, we got some great TV this year. Some favorites came back and we got a slate of killer rookie performances. HBO continues to find success in a post-Game of Thrones world, Netflix is throwing so much shit at the wall that something is bound to stick (hint: it’s probably a true-crime series) and late-night shows continued to have their comedic finger trained perfectly on the pulse of our ongoing dumpster fire of a political system.
    This list is not a list of best shows or best performances. It’s simply a list of the best things I saw on television in this wild year, 2021. In the spirit of keeping things manageable, some cuts had to be made, leaving Woodstock 99: Peace, Love, and Rage, Lupin, and Stand-Up Canoeing At The Summer Olympics on the outside looking in.
    The “Beard After Hours” Episode
    The wife and I weren’t watching the second season of Ted Lasso at the same pace almost everyone else was, so as a result, I knew the Beard-centric episode was coming. Not being surprised by it most likely made it easier to enjoy. My wife was surprised and understandably took some time coming around to it. But once she did, it was all thumbs up in the O’Connell household. Coach Beard had been there since the very beginning but yet we knew very little about him. For a while, that was fine. He seemed perfectly suited to be the silent partner in crime for Ted but by halfway through the second season, I personally wanted to know more about him, which oddly enough, was something I don’t think I totally realized until “Beard After Hours” was almost over. Now there’s so much more behind his silence, affirmations, and having Ted’s back that you could see why they did it.
    Please Don’t Destroy Bringing Their Videos To SNL
    I’m not on TikTok and God willing, I shall never be on TikTok. Social media platforms are like making friends in college. At some point, you have enough and don’t need anymore. However, I do appreciate catching a nice chuckle from a TikTok video that makes its way over to Twitter, something that seemed to happen fairly regularly over the course of the past year or so. One group that started showing up a lot was Please Don’t Destroy, three dudes who seemed to be making videos from their apartments. The videos were short and to the point, each one usually featuring an escalation of sorts and anchored by the three’s dynamic and report with each other. They had a style reminiscent of The Office, with the quick cuts and glances at the camera. I became a fan and then to my surprise, they showed up on this season of Saturday Night Live, where they had been hired as writers and occasional performers. On nearly every episode so far this season, there has been a Please Don’t Destroy video with the guys poking fun at all the different kinds of seltzers, dealing with Rami Malek’s antics, or trying to hang with Pete Davidson and Taylor Swift.
    Stanley Tucci: Searching For Italy
    Did I know Stanley Tucci was from Italy? No, but in my defense, I had literally never once thought about it. But he is and my dude loves Italy and what I learned this spring was that I subsequently loved that Tucci loved Italy. On his CNN show, Tucci traveled the country, highlighting the food, culture, and history of the various regions. After each episode, I really wanted Italian food and couldn’t stop saying “si, si, si” whenever my wife asked me something. It was fantastic.
    The ‘Prank Show’ Sketch On ‘I Think You Should Leave’
    I got hip to the Tim Robinson Netflix series mainly through the memes it produced and how there seemed to be one for damn near every situation imaginable. Eventually, I started poking around the corners of YouTube, watching sketches here and there. They certainly weren’t for everyone but they were for me as I love myself some slow-moving, awkward humor. One of the highlights of the show’s second season was ‘Prank Show,’ where Robinson plays the star of a hidden camera show who plans to don a costume and cause a ruckus in a mall. It goes terribly, it’s hilarious and yes, it produced several memes and .gifs that were endlessly applicable.
    The Kendall/Tom Diner Scene
    It was amazing at the time and now that the season is over, eerily prescient.
    Jordan Klepper At The Insurrection
    I don’t know how Jordan Klepper does what he does but man am I glad that he does uh, what he does. He has become the master of diving headfirst into MAGA country and showcasing the endless absurdity, stupidity, chaos, and unsettling danger of the Trump movement. I think the people trust him because he does look relatively harmless but the bulk of people he interviews are too dumb or too far up their own ass or down a conspiracy-fueled rabbit hole to realize that he’s making fun of them. It’s not all their fault, though. He’s so quick that they could be forgiven for missing a thing or two. But as a viewer, we’re the lucky ones and he should be held up and acknowledged for essentially providing a useful public service. He puts faces and voices to things that people on the Left or in the middle only hear about on social media or read about in the news.
    The Opening Credits Of ‘the White Lotus’
    The best show of 2021 also had the best opening of the year. A heck of a twofer although not all that surprising because HBO always seems to have the best opening credit sequences.
    Shannon Flynn on ‘Murder Among the Mormons’
    Murder Among the Mormons was one of roughly 7,879 true-crime docuseries Netflix released in 2021 and probably one of the better ones. The series told the story of a series of bombings that went off in Salt Lake City in the mid-1980s and how they involved the Mormon church, the world of valuable, historic documents, the forgery of said documents, and the troubled man at the center of it all, Mark Hoffmann. But one of the stars of the series was an associate of Hoffman’s, Shannon Flynn. If you’re doing a documentary that involves both the Mormon church and documentary collecting, you might be hard-pressed to find a talking head that you can feature that is super captivating but Flynn was just that. A suspect of the bombings himself, Sydney was able to help tell a compelling story and make it even more of one.
    Larry David & the Klansman
    Hey, it’s just life on the ranch.
    Drunk Zabel On ‘Mare Of Easttown’
    There is a long and storied tradition on both the small and big screen of actors doing an absolutely terrible job at playing drunk. It rarely works. It’s usually unbelievable and forced and outside of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Parks and Recreation, two shows that routinely featured top-notch drunken performances, it’s an ill-advised move. Yet one of the best moments in Mare of Easttown, which was a serious contender for the best show of the year, was the arrival of drunk Zabel. Played by Evan Peters, Colin Zabel was set up to be the doting sidekick of Kate Winslet’s Mare and that was it. But in one scene, where he was shit-faced following a high school reunion, he became so much more than that and the show was better for it because now he was a fully developed character full of sadness, tragedy, regret, and more. Also, it was hilarious and more importantly, believable.
    Seth & the Sea Captain on ‘Late Night With Seth Meyers’
    As a result of COVID, late-night hosts were forced to do their shows from home, and for the most part, it was fine. Each host, whether it was Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, or in this case, Seth Meyers, made it work in their own unique way. Meyers actually flourished in the change of scenery and at times, seemed more comfortable in his attic than in the studio. This summer, he and his family went off to spend some time at his wife’s parent’s place, forcing Meyers to put together a new studio and ditch bits he had been doing at home that involved everyone from Ethan Hawke and wasps. In their place was an old painting of a sea captain and the rest was history.

    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.
    To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com
  19. Ryan O'Connell
    Christmas memories are like episodes of Madmen– face it, they’re all awesome, just in their own unique ways.
    There was one lovely Christmas in Maine when I was working at Bay Lines and pulled the Downbay PM shift, which in the days leading up to Christmas looked like one of the more desire able shifts, given its 13:45 report time. It left you plenty of time to do presents and then lunch before throwing on the steel toes and heading out. Working on Christmas sucks, no matter how you slice it- but like with most things in life that are a bummer, try your best to make it suck the least and you should be okay.
    As I drove into work, the snow started.
    Commercial Street, which would have been quiet that day anyway and for the most part is from October until May, had reached a Ghost Town level of quiet. There was no one out and we were able to walk in the middle of the street with drifts and snow forming around us as we trudged to Maggie’s for a cup of coffee. The snow wasn’t letting up and it likely wouldn’t until the night was over. It was going to get worse before it was going to get better and around 14:15 we shoved off into sideways snow and a frost tipped wind ripping across the bow. The windows of the pilothouse danced between fogging up and icing over. We couldn’t see shit.
    On the way home, I saw a car in the middle of a snow bank in between the two sides of Franklin Street. It was a minivan- white with wood paneling. I would have stopped but if I had the Super Trooper would likely have ended up right next to it.
    When we were younger, Erin would have me do reconnaissance work starting around 5am Christmas morning. It was a tricky mission. If you looked down the stairs you could usually tell if the stockings were full and if the stockings were full, it only meant one thing…we’re good to go. Unfortunately every time I tried to do this I was interrupted by Dad.
    “Go back to bed, Ryan.”
    I’d go back to bed and pick up the phone. Erin was on the other line and I’d quickly tell about the stockings before the beeping started and the operator came on, telling us to please try our call again.
    Gram was funny at Christmas because she was never shy about saying what she felt and as a result, had funny reactions when opening presents. She would usually forget who the present was from while opening it and would have to ask after it was opened. We’d tell her not once, not twice, but usually three times on account of her poor hearing. It would get to a point where no one else in the family could open presents while she was because she would get distracted and if that happened, we’d all be done and there’d be nothing under the tree but seven presents for Gram and three for Mom, who spent the majority of the morning tending after Gram.
    I remember going to the Village after church on Christmas Eve. The Village was a large Italian restaurant that used to be in Portland. It had a distinct smell to it- not a bad smell or a good smell. It just had a definitive aroma.
    Christmas taught me how to rock the shit out of gift certificates. That might have ended up being good real world training.
    Getting blocks of blank cassette tapes was always a fan favorite. It was the gift that kept on giving and I’m not going to brag, but I certainly knew my way around a good mix tape.
    The funny thing about Christmas now is that I totally want the kind of gifts that are frequently used as jokes pertaining towards typical dude presents. Come Christmas morning, if I have a couple new white t-shirts, some new socks and a new collared shirt or two- I’m stoked. I can’t really think of anything else I want besides maybe AES to wipe out my student loans or to get the Super Trooper back. I’m really just looking forward to the downtime that comes with Christmas. Sleeping in is a present I’m looking forward to this year.
     
    This article originally appeared in Dec. 2011. 
    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.
    To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com
  20. Ryan O'Connell
    Ah yes, 2021: a year that began with an attack on the capital and just kept getting weirder from there. The pandemic sadly never left but at least Adele came back. Adele not being able to stop the pandemic might literally be the only thing she can’t do and if she could work on that, it’d be great.
    In addition to Adele returning, Taylor Swift set out to rerecord her old songs, Bruno Mars and Anderson .Paak teamed up, the Foo Fighters continued to be as reliable as duct tape and St. Vincent once again reinvented herself. Oh and Weezer released two albums that were completely different and ultimately not that bad, Freddie Gibbs continued to convince everyone he might be the greatest rapper out there today and Kanye West released a new album that I still haven’t listened to and probably never will. AND THAT’S OKAY. To quote the man himself, “I like the old Kanye.”
    After COVID shut the world down in March of 2020, one of the questions I had was how it would impact music. How would musicians respond and spend their newly acquired free time with tours and shows being canceled? My hope was that they would all spend that time writing new music and as soon as they were able to, get it on wax and out to the people. And it seems like for the most part, that is what happened as this year featured the release of so many records that were written and recorded during the shutdown. So I guess what I’m saying here was that maybe us slamming the pause button on life maybe wasn’t the absolute worst thing in the world.
    Editor’s Note: It was still not great.
    Now it’s that special time of year where the reflection begins and we start to take stock and assess the year that was. I thought we did this in December but in recent years I’ve noticed that by mid to late November, the lists start making the rounds. Sucks to drop your record in December, kid. Get with the program.
    Since 2013, I have assembled my year-end list based on the idea that some songs are Hey-Oh! songs and while my lists are generally comprised of songs I liked the most/thought were the best, the criteria were slightly different. What exactly is a Hey-Oh! song? I’m so happy you asked.
    There you go. The 2020 list included songs from Run the Jewels, Royal Blood, Gorillaz, The Strokes, Tame Impala, Fiona Apple, Foo Fighters, and more. This year’s full list can be found here in easily digestible playlist form.
    Here are the best of the best.
    “Survivor” Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats
    Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats were one of a handful of acts that emerged around 2015 that had drenched themselves in an old school soul vibe with a couple of those other acts being a band like St. Paul and the Broken Bones and singer Leon Bridges. They all played a kind of southern soul music that called to mind the best that a place like Muscle Shoals had to offer. It was fun.
    However, was it meant to last? It’s hard to kick it old school and it not be considered something of a novelty and in turn, be something that doesn’t necessarily have much in terms of staying power.
    Fast forward six years and St. Paul and the Broken Bones have drifted towards a more spacey R&B sound and Bridges has also started to experiment with less soul and more R&B. The results in both cases are fine but you could be forgiven for missing the sound they had when they first entered our lives as it was so pure and genuine. Thankfully Rateliff and company have stayed the course and the result is another great album, The Future. The band stays in the lane they’ve traveled since 2015 yet still makes their music sound fresh with little tweaks here and there. The result is an incredibly enjoyable album anchored by the lead single “Survivor,” which drives in a way other songs of theirs haven’t.
    “Skate,” “Fly As Me” Silk Sonic
    One of the more enjoyable storylines of 2021 was tracking Silk Sonic updates as the duo of Bruno Mars and Anderson .Paak continued to pop up starting in early March with music from their new project, an ode to 1970s R&B. The first track they released, “Leave the Door Open” was cool but the second track, “Skate,” which came out at the end of July had some more life to it and at least for me, grabbed my attention way more than that first track did.
    Then the album came out (finally) and I heard track three, “Fly As Me.”
    I wish the whole album sounded more like that track and less like the slower ones. There’s a good chance that in about two months I will have forgotten about An Evening With Silk Sonic but will still be bumping “Fly As Me” on a regular basis.
    “The Hardest Cut” Spoon
    2017 was a long time ago. It feels like it was even longer ago than it was is but that’s because the way time passes these days is a junk show. But either way, the last  Spoon album, Hot Thoughtswas released that year and four years is too long to go without a new Spoon album. That’s just science, kids.
    Thankfully, Spoon announced the release of their 10th album at the end of October, punctuated by the haunting stomp of “The Hardest Cut.” The majority of Spoon songs have always had a distinct bounce and rhythm to them and “The Hardest Cut” is no exception. It feels slightly more menacing though, has an edge to it that other songs of theirs don’t have and that’s cool. The band’s frontman Britt Daniel describes the sound of the new album, Lucifer on the Sofa, as “the sound of classic rock as written by a guy who never did get Eric Clapton.” Interesting.
    So if you never “got” Clapton, that means you’ve been able to sit out his ridiculous anti-vax stance as well as his long history of incendiary remarks, huh? Must be nice.
    “Weights” Bartees Strange
    Strange popped up on my radar at some point in 2020 when he appeared on Late Night with Seth Meyers and keeping tabs on him since then has been incredibly rewarding and enjoyable. His music has a spirit and energy to it that feels to have been transplanted from the earlier part of this century. He doesn’t just mess around with garage rock though as a deep diver into his catalog reveals him dabbling in hip hop and R&B.
    But it’s rock songs that keep me coming back for more. “Weights,” which was released as part of a deluxe version of his 2020 debut album Live Forever came out this fall. Strange also released a faithful cover of the Richard Swift song “Lady Luck” this year that is worth checking out.
    “No Son of Mine” Foo Fighters
    Foo Fighters’ first 2021 album, Medicine At Midnight was fine but mostly has its moments, one of them being the vintage Foo rocker “No Son Of Mine.” The album was sold as the product of the band experimenting with new sounds and styles but it’s no wonder that the strongest track off the album is them doing what they do best.
    According to an interview Grohl gave back in January, the song originally had “this country swing to it” before the band elected to take it in more of a harder, aggressive direction. Thank you for that, Foo Fighters. Grohl also said the song was a tribute to Lemmy, the late frontman of Motörhead, saying “I wish Lemmy were alive to hear it because he would see how much an influence he’s been to me.”
    It should be noted that Medicine At Midnight was in the fact the first of two albums Foo Fighters released in 2021 but I just don’t really want to talk about the other one.
    “Pay Your Way In Pain” St. Vincent
    St. Vincent (aka. Annie Clark) loves herself a good reinvention. For her last album, 2017’s Masseducation, she went dark and sinister, adopting the vibe of a late-night, industrialized dominatrix. Cut to four years later and she’s going back to the 1970s. On Daddy’s Home, Clark is channeling the after-hours glitz and shine of pre-disco New York City.
    The album’s first single, “Pay Your Way In Pain” is equal parts Prince, David Bowie, and a dirty mirror covered in coke residue on the floor of the dingiest green room imaginable. It’s fantastic.
    “Big Boss Rabbit” Freddie Gibbs
    What do you do when you lose a Grammy that damn near everyone was convinced you win? Well, if you’re Freddie Gibbs you don’t sulk. You don’t wallow or complain. Nah, you get back into the lab and continue to prove why you were robbed and why you were wronged.
    Alfredo, Gibbs’s excellent collaboration with The Alchemist was a favorite at the 2021 Grammys to win Best Rap Album but he ended up losing to Nas’ King Disease. No worries though. Gibbs is all about moving forward.
    “Grammy after party but we rock it like we won the b*tch” he raps on “Big Boss Rabbit,” which was released as a standalone single in the spring. Gibbs’ flow is unrelenting on the track and he raps something like 4,567 words in three minutes as if he is both on a mission and too busy to really give a shit. And he may actually be too busy. My dude released something like four or five more songs after “Big Boss Rabbit” and is probably primed to release a few more as I write this.
    “3 AM” HAIM ft. Thundercat
    Women In Music Pt. III was already a great album by Haim but then they just added to their war chest with the extended edition which features remixes of songs that include up and coming singer/songwriter Taylor Swift and bass wizard Thundercat. Thundercat appears on the reworked version of “3AM,” giving the song an extra layer of sultry, smooth goodness. Thundercat’s voice, an unmistakably floating falsetto meshes perfectly with the sisters’ vocals, helping create a song with a vibe as equally sexually-charged as the song’s subject matter.
    “I Don’t Live Here Anymore” The War On Drugs ft. Lucious
    I am continually amazed by War on Drugs as all of their songs somehow all sound the same but also sound different. I think it’s the overall vibe of the band’s music, how their songs all sound like good driving songs but perhaps good driving songs that each fit different types of roads and terrain, thus changing speeds and how you approach them. This idea of traveling is especially present in the title track from the band’s excellent 2021 album I Don’t Live Here Anymore, a song full of reminiscing and remembering.
    Adam Granduciel, the driving force behind the band, said the album’s overall theme is one of change, saying it’s about “growing up, getting older, but also growing out of yourself and into something new.” On “I Don’t Live Here Anymore,” Granduciel is making sense of both his past and his present, trying to understand how he got from one to the other. “When I think about the old days, babe/You’re always on my mind/I know it ain’t like I remember/I guess my memories run wild” he sings.
    Preach, brother. We’ve all been there, sometimes several times a day.
    “Sad But True” Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit
    As the summer of 2021 neared the halfway point, word started to get out that to celebrate the 30th anniversary of their legendary self-titled album, Metallica would be releasing The Metallica Blacklist, a collection of versions of songs from The Black Album recorded by a murderers row of artists. Weezer, Royal Blood, St. Vincent, The Neptunes, Portugal. The Man, Cage the Elephant, Phoebe Bridgers, and Miley Cyrus would all be contributing tracks. Super cool. Maybe.
    Two covers stood out to me. First was Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit’s raucous version of “Sad But True.” Isbell takes the tune and runs with it, soaking it up in some good old, shit-kicking southern sunshine.
    The other track was Chris Stapleton’s eight-minute version of “Nothing Else Matters,” a song that becomes a different kind of dark and more meditative under Stapleton’s watch.
    Beyond that, there are some good songs but don’t tell Lars I said this, in the end, the collection never really lived up to the hype and pre-release billing.
    “Broken Horses” Brandi Carlile
    You know how there are artists out there that you’re aware of but haven’t ever really listened to them yourself, but even still, you know enough about them to appreciate what they’re doing? That was Brandi Carlile for me. I’m hip enough to the happenings of the Alt-country extended universe to know she’s a force but I’m ashamed to admit that I had never really sat down to listen to her. In my defense, Phish went back on tour this summer and it really threw my daily listening habits for a loop.
    Anyway, this all changed when I watched Saturday Night Live recently and Carlile was the musical guest. Carlile’s first song was “Broken Horses” off of her 2021 album In These Silent Days. I was hooked right away. The song soars and thunders, hammers and speeds its way across the desolate plains of days gone by. Is it shit-kicking rock, a personal favorite sub-genre of mine? Yeah, I think it is.
    So I’m sorry Brandi Carlile. I biffed it and should have listened to you earlier.
    “Sorry I Am” Del Water Gap
    I’m of the opinion that Twitter is about 65% positive, 30% negative, and 5% hard to say when it comes to experiences. Part of what sways it in positive’s favor is that you can meet some pretty cool people there. One of those people is this dude Adam Offitzer, a senior writer for Spotify who also has a weekly substack devoted to new music releases and music news. As with anyone in his position, there are stylistic trends to his recommendations and for the most part, I’m up and down with them. But I appreciate the effort nonetheless.
    One day I was perusing one of Offitzer’s playlists and came across this group Del Water Gap. As someone who lives somewhat close to the actual Delaware Water Gap, I was intrigued by the name and checked it out. What I found was some easy listening, wistful, earnest folk-rock that kind of reminds me of Rogue Wave and I love Rogue Wave more than I like geographically relevant band names but either way, it was a win/win situation.
    “Jazz on the Autobahn” The Felice Brothers
    “Jazz on the Autobahn,” the second single from The Felice Brothers’ From Dreams to Dust has a Hold Steady vibe to it, especially with the vocals and how they sound like a combination of beat poetry and barroom story-telling. Musically, the tune is more melodic and softer in spirit than anything from The Hold Steady and comparisons aside, there is an easy nature to this song that makes it a tune you could listen to for an hour straight and not really get sick of it.
    “McKenzie” Houndmouth
    Houndmouth and I had a nice little going for a while there and this was before Little Neon Limelightcame out in 2015, although admittedly not too before then. I’m not trying to be that guy, the one who knew something was cool before everyone else did. Well, maybe I’m trying a little to be that guy. Whatever, I really liked Houndmouth.
    But then I kind of didn’t. The music they’ve released after Little Neon Limelight doesn’t have the same feel and it seemed like the band, following the departure of vocalist and keyboardist Kate Tourpin was moving away from their distinctive pop version of alt-country to more of a general indie-rock type thing. I’m not opposed to indie-rock but you know, it felt like things had changed and while I would always love the older Houndmouth tunes, the new ones were a different story.
    Yet “McKenzie” might very well have changed things when it comes to my relationship with Houndmouth because “McKenzie” is a delightful tune. Just delightful.
    “justified” Kacey Musgraves
    Before I went about getting a prescription for medical marijuana, few things in life relaxed me more than the sound of Kacey Musgraves’ voice. Her voice is like drinking tea when you’re not sick. It just puts you at ease.
    And I say that as someone who 100% agrees with Ted Lasso when it comes to opinions on tea.
    “Heavy D” Atmosphere ft. Collie Buddz, Felt, Murs
    Atmosphere and Murs teamed on “Heavy D” this year, a bouncing reggae-powered track produced by Collie Buddz. The track was featured on Collie Buddz 2021 album Cali Roots Riddim 2021 and you know, I’m sorry. I thought Collie Buddz was one of those bands who tour with either 311 or Slightly Stupid every summer but I was wrong.
    It happens at least four times a week for what it’s worth.
    “I Need Some of That”/”Grapes of Wrath” Weezer
    You can say whatever you want about Rivers Cuomo and Weezer but you can’t say that they rest on their laurels. My dudes have been around for damn near three decades now and they’re still releasing albums at a hell of a clip. Now, are some of those albums instantly forgettable and borderline rubbish? Yes. Yes, they are. But you throw enough shit against the wall and you’re bound to get a waffle every once in a while and no, I know that’s not how waffles are made. I’m not a moron. Although I am someone who once poured gravy into a waffle maker while staying at a hotel in Nashville because I had no idea gravy was a part of a breakfast but I’m not here to talk about the past.
    In 2021, Weezer released two albums and they couldn’t have sounded more different. The first release, Ok Human, was orchestral and the “more serious” of the two. The second record was the band’s loving ode to 1980s hair metal, Van Weezer, an album that I feel like they had been flirting with making for at least a decade.
    As with most of the albums Weezer has released in the last ten years, each one has a few keepers that make their way onto a Best of Weezer playlist and a few tracks you never want to hear again. Like, ever again.
    “good 4 u” Olivia Rodrigo
    This year, our oldest daughter really started having opinions on music that went beyond wanting to listen to songs from Disney movies or Sing 500 times in a row. She became a staunch advocate for the top 40 radio station in our area and when driving her around, she was adamant that we listen to it, no matter how many times I tried to sneak in something from classic rock or God forbid, Phish.
    It was actually kind of adorable.
    Through this, I started listening to Olivia Rodrigo and I have to admit that I love “good 4 u.” I don’t love it as much as I used to, mainly because the aforementioned top 40 station plays it a lot but I still really like it. It’s a great little pop/punk song and who doesn’t love a good pop/punk song, am I right?
    “What It Feels Like” Nipsey Hustle, Jaz-Z
    Judas and the Black Messiah was a powerful film backed by a powerful soundtrack and the highlight of that soundtrack was the collaboration between Jay-Z and the late Nipsey Hussle. The origin of the track actually goes back a bit, back to 2013, which is when Nipsey first recorded his verses on the track, hence Nipsey talking about Crenshaw in the future tense even though the mixtape dropped in 2013. Hov jumped on the track partially to support the film’s director, Ryan Coogler.
    You can read more about how the track came together in a GQ interview featuring producers Larrance Dopson, Nipsey collaborators Mike & Keys, and Jay-Z.
    See you next year.
     
    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.
    To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com
  21. Ryan O'Connell
    My relationship with Christmas music is up and down at best. I can willfully admit that I straight up like some songs, can tolerate others and can sure why not a few more. There are also a handful of Christmas tunes I can’t hear without having flashbacks of being in the chorus in fifth grade and serenading the various old people homes and hospitals of the greater Portland area. I’m not sure if these are good memories, bad memories or just memories.
    Regardless, Christmas music- I am generally cool with it. Of course there are a lot of Christmas songs I can’t stand. But going with the Christmas spirit, I’m not going to get into those.
    Well, except for two.
    Because really, “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer?” That song is about straight up bullying. People were complete dicks to poor Rudolph, Santa included. Shit-talk, exclusion, mockery- Rudolph dealt with all of it. Why? Because of a bright, shiny nose? That seems like a ridiculous reason to torment someone. Bad breath? A disturbingly loud and obtrusive voice? Unnecessary hugging? Yeah, those seem like perfectly fine reasons to rib someone. But something like a “bright and shiny nose?” Come on.
    And then, the coconuts of Santa and his crew to turn to Rudolph when they needed him and act like, oh dude, it’s cool, yeah we eff’d with you like your whole life, but hey, we’re sorry and yeah, we’re cool now, right? If I were Rudolph I would have unloaded years and years of pent up anger on them. No, no we’re not cool now! We are actually very uncool. These assholes, only when stuck with their thumbs up their ass in the middle of a snow storm finally saw the benefits of a reindeer with a built-in headlamp? I would have thought something like that would have been pointed out as super useful right from the jump. But that’s just me. I have a penchant for tipping my hat to things that are useful.
    And then there’s “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” a song that has become more commonly referred to in recent years as "Oh yeah, that date rape song." Why? Because yeah, it’s kind of, sort of a song about the moments before something shady happens. I don’t care if it can be song in a wonderfully adorable tone. All that’s missing is the sound of seventeen door locks being locked.
    But let’s move on to better songs, better Christmas music, specifically my top ten Christmas songs.
    And we start with number one…
    “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band
     
    It’s fun, it’s fresh, it’s a delightful take on an old favorite, which is how covers of classic Christmas songs should be (with one exception that will come up later.) This song radiates and pulsates fun. You hear it, you start dancing. If you don’t, then God help you what the hell is wrong with you! No really, what’s wrong with you?
    “All I Want for Christmas is You” Mariah Carey, Jimmy Fallon & the Roots
     
    A recent performance not withstanding, this song is what Christmas music should be. It makes you sway, it makes you sing a long, it makes you do that adorable little glance over to your partner and say with your eyes- yeah the message of this song, it applies to you smoochy. This version with Jimmy Fallon and the Roots is my favorite.
    “Little Saint Nick” The Beach Boys
     
    Growing up, my parents had a very random record collection. Part of the collection was four or five Christmas albums. They loved them some Brenda Lee, I always loved the Beach Boys’ Christmas album, especially “Little Saint Nick.” There should be a component of nostalgia with Christmas music, it should bring you back. That’s what this song does. Brings me all the way back to Regan Lane, G.I. Joe’s and the sound of Gram asking- now what do you have there?
    “Christmas in Hollis” RUN DMC
     
    Why is this on the list? Because it’s cool. And Christmas is cool. And Run DMC cool. However, the elf in that video? Kind of creepy.
    “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” U2/Darlene Love
     
    Two great versions of the same song and I can’t decide which one I like better. Let’s say I could sing and let’s say I was in a band where I was the lead singer. And let’s say this band was playing a show around Christmas. Then we’d say I would most definitely want to play this song because it seems like such a fun song to sing.
    “Silver Bells” Dean Martin
     
    Whereas the other songs hit that merry vibe in a dance around, hug a loved one sense, this song really nails the merry vibe of the clink, clink of a few ice cubes in a glass and that mellow boozy swagger of Christmas eve.
    “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” Frank Sinatra
     
    This should be on everyone’s list.
    “Happy XMas (War is Over)” John Lennon
     
    This is a haunting song in the way that it’s spirit sticks with you, you can’t let it go. Which is probably or at least partially the point. I once saw a Portland band, Dominic and the Lucid cover it and when I hear it, I think of them playing it. They killed it.
    “Wonderful Christmas Time” Paul McCartney
     
    Is this song cheesy? Yup. Is Christmas also kind of cheesy? Yeah, kind of. So win, win.
    “Little Drummer Boy” Sidecar Radio
     
    The exception to my Stay True to the Original When it Comes to Covering a Christmas Classic rule because Sidecar Radio make this song theirs, while also tipping their hat to the original.

    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.
    To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com
  22. Ryan O'Connell
    It’s the Christmas season. I know this because of the amount of emails I’ve received in the past few days from stores and businesses I shopped at once four years ago. And I know this because we have lights up outside of our house (first house on the street you lazy chumps!)
    I know Christmas is coming in hot because Thanksgiving is behind us, the looming threat of endless Christmas movies has emerged on radar screens and nearly every weekend in December is already full of some sort of Christmas activity, the majority of which involve either a tree lighting, a Santa sighting or some combination of the two. Although our Christmas activities aren’t nearly as frequent this year due to COVID but rest assure, we will still be busy and really, you just have to hope drinks will be served.
    Yet I really know that the Christmas season is upon us because I saw that Corona commercial.
    You know the one.
    The one with the idyllic setting and the palm trees and the lights.
    It’s a sneaky little son of a gun, especially as far as commercials go. You don’t realize you’re watching it until about ten seconds in and then twenty seconds later, it’s over. Seeing as how the majority of commercials these days are all but screaming for your attention, the overall stillness and muted nature of the Corona “O’Tannenpalm” spot makes it stick out even more.
    I’m not saying the spot makes me want to drink a Corona, but nothing is perfect. The commercial is memorable and that seems like half the battle in the old commercial game.
    Fun fact about the commercial is that this year it’s celebrating it’s 31st year running, having premiered in 1990. This is one of those facts that you are simultaneously amazed by and not amazed by, as you can’t believe it’s been running that long, but also realize you really can’t remember life without it.
    However, the only problem with something running as long as the spot has and having seen it as many times I have is that at least for me, I start to have questions.
    Don’t be alarmed. I tend to do this more than I should. I’m not all that great at accepting things as they are.
    My questions as they pertain to the “O’Tannenpalm” spot are pretty straight forward. Not much here in terms of deep-diving.
    For starters, I don’t see any power lines. Do you see any power lines? How are the lights powered? How does the house have electricity? If they’re running power for the house off of a generator, doesn’t it seem super wasteful to also run Christmas lights off of said generator, especially if you’re leaving the lights on all night, which certainly seems the case as the lights are turned on and then the house lights go off? Maybe that’s the trade-off?
    Dad, we really want Christmas lights this year.
    Okay, but if we do that, then we won’t be able to lights inside the house.
    Unless of course, the occupants of the house turn the Christmas lights on, then elect to sit out on the front porch, presumably drinking a Corona, as they admire their beautiful lights. In that case, it would then make sense that they turned the lights off inside the house.
    Whoever lives in that little house definitely has a pretty wonderful view, so I’m sure they’re accustomed to spending evenings sitting outside and taking in that view.
    Again, maybe while drinking Coronas.
    I also don’t see any kind of extension cord running down the tree, but I’m willing to give them a pass on that one and assume that they have the cord running down the trunk of the tree, possibly zip tied down at various intervals. I mean, that’s what I would do. Can’t let those wires show, kid. #eventlife.
    And as far as the lights on the tree go, come on- how are they pulling that off without at least having access to a scissor lift?
    Do they have a scissor lift? Do they have a friend that has a scissor lift? Is there a United Rentals in the vicinity that rents scissor lifts? Those lights aren’t happening without one, that’s for damn sure. You can tell me that they just climbed up the tree and you know, made it happen without the assistance of a scissor lift, but I don’t buy it.
    Even using a tall ladder is only going to get you so high. Same with a really long pole. But please, how are you navigating a pole that would be as long as a pole would need to be in this situation to pull this off? I know that’s what she said, but come on, this is just simple logistics.
    Maybe I’m just jealous and that’s where these questions come from – jealous of whoever is living in that choice residence and jealous of their skill at hanging lights. This could be the case.
    Or maybe I’ve just seen this commercial so many times and a handful of those times, it caught me at moments when I was in that sweet spot of being tired and maybe a little bored and hence, completely open to deconstructing a thirty-second commercial that is admittedly a complete fantasy.
    Either way, the one thing I know for sure is that I’ve seen the commercial a couple times now and that means one thing and one thing only.
    It means it’s the Christmas season.
    It also means they definitely used a scissor lift.
    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.
    To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com
  23. Ryan O'Connell
    I’m jealous of people out there who have yet to experience the Beastie Boys, to be able to take a fresh-faced dive into their discography and fully appreciate all of its splendor for the first time. Listening to the Beastie Boys for the first time is like thumbing your nose at gravity or any number of other tenants of polite society. It’s an unforgettable experience. For folks of a certain age (i.e. those getting a little long in the tooth,) we were blessed to be in the catbird seat as the group grew, matured, and expanded their sound over the course of their two decade-plus career. But man, to be in a position to hear an album like Ill Communication for the first time would be amazing.
    From the release of Licensed To Ill in 1986 to their final album, Hot Sauce Committee Part Two in 2011, The Beastie Boys underwent a total transformation. They evolved from brash party boys to erudite hip hop masters with sounds and attitudes that were far more inclusive. Yet their edge never dulled and remained sharp until their final days. The world around them changed and with it, so did their influences, opinions, beliefs, and general perspective on life but in the end, they were still three dudes with attitude and swagger for days, as well as an endless desire to keep themselves entertained by music that was distinctly their own. As time went on, there were those that tried to replicate at least some part of the Beastie Boys’ sound but those attempts never went well. You can’t cop a style that authentic and that unique and at this point, all we can hope is that people have finally gotten wise to that.
    In honor of the 35th anniversary of the release of Licensed to Ill, here’s a ranking of the group’s eight albums.
    8. The Mix-Up (2007)
    What separates The Mix-Up from the band’s other instrumental release that came before it, The in Sound from Way Out!, is that the first instrumental album was a compilation of previously released jams, tracks that had appeared on previous albums. It wasn’t presented as anything new and it was actually pretty helpful if you liked those tracks and wished you had them all in one place (and were also too lazy to make a mixtape containing them.) In contrast, The Mix-Up was made of all new compositions. There was even a tour where the band focused on instrumentals. It’s not as if the jams are terrible or anything. It’s just that, at times – and I’m saying this with all due respect – it sounds like I’m listening to a college jam ba
    Speaking as someone who was in a college jam band, that shit should be shared as little as possible.
    7. To the 5 Boroughs (2004)
     
    With the world and their native New York City still reeling from 9/11, no one can fault the Beasties for releasing a tribute to their beloved New York City. We also can’t hate on them for making an album that was easily their most hip-hop-heavy.
    To the 5 Boroughs is definitely not a bad album. Let me repeat that: THIS IS NOT A BAD ALBUM. However, it’s also not a great album. It’s a good album; a solid B-, which is nothing to be ashamed of. As we all remember from back in the day, there’s a big difference between getting a B on something and a C, and the minus aside, a B is a B, kid.
    Now, saying To the 5 Boroughs is “just” a good album is due in large part to the fact that the Beastie Boys were always a good to really good hip-hop group. But what made them stand out was their ability to dip into the wild waters of hardcore and punk and incorporate that into their hip-hop stylings. By leaning almost exclusively into hip-hop. they weren’t operating at full strength.
    With that being said, “Ch-Check It Out” is an awesome tune.
    6. Hello Nasty (1998)
    Released four years after Ill Communication, Hello Nasty is good fun and a heck of a good time starting from the jump with “Super Disco Breakin’.” It’s a forward-thinking album, chock-full of futuristic sounds and thoughtful experimentation. Unlike Ill Communication, which had the feel of a band concocting mayhem in a garage, Hello Nasty sounds like a team of scientists experimenting in a lab.
    If we’re being honest though, and I’d like to think we are, I do have one issue with Hello Nasty: the length. It’s a long album. It’s like Drake album long. Studies have routinely shown that nobody has time for an album with 22 tracks.
    But we’re staying positive here. “Three MCs and One DJ” is the hip-hop side of the Beastie Boys in all its glory. Also, Hello Nasty is a top-notch album title.
    5. Licensed to Ill (1986)
    At first glance, Licensed to Ill, with classics like “Brass Monkey,” “Fight for Your Right” and “No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn” on it, you could easily say, What the heck, man? How is this album not ranked higher?
    That’s fair; a solid question.
    I would say, friend, that the margin between the album that ends up at the top of this list and License to Ill at the five spot is incredibly minimal. So be cool. I’m not firing shots or hating on the group’s legendary debut. With a ranking like this, it’s a game of inches and no one, especially me who loves to champion debut albums, can sleep on the impact of this album. But it’s also their first album and a lot of times it substitutes legitimate quality for youthful exuberance. There’s no Hot Sauce Committee Part Two without License to Ill, but that doesn’t mean License to Ill should be ranked higher.
    Cool?
    4. Hot Sauce Committee Part Two (2011)
    Speaking of Hot Sauce Committee, let’s tip our caps to the Beastie Boys’ last album. The album was set to be released in 2009 but was delayed when Adam Yauch was diagnosed with cancer. It was eventually released two years later when Yauch was in remission and one year before he’d pass away in 2012.
    Hot Sauce is a near-perfect marriage of early Beasties energy and the forward-thinking lab work of Hello Nasty. It’s a fun album, especially in contrast with To the 5 Boroughs, which came out seven years earlier. The beats on this album are sick, and it features two of the best guest spots in the Beasties’ discography: Nas on “Too Many Rappers” and Santigold on “Don’t Play No Game That I Can’t Win.” They even pick up their instruments for a trip down hardcore memory lane with “Lee Majors Come Again.”
    I don’t know if they knew this would be their last album or not when they were writing and recording it, but either way, as far as last albums go, it’s everything a long-time fan could ask for.
    3. Check Your Head (1992)
    Check Your Head is peak Beasties and possibly the album that best demonstrates what the group looked to bring to the table. It’s loose as hell and far from perfect from any kind of technical sense. Additionally, it’s fun, entertaining, inspirational, and most importantly, eternally appealing. Check Your Head is one of those albums that always sounds good, regardless of the situation.
    Well, not regardless of any situation. Let’s just say its good for a bunch of situations with “bunch” doing a lot of work there because the bunch in question is sizeable.
    The sounds on Check Your Head are great, especially Mike D’s drums on “Pass the Mic.” The snare hits are freakin’ perfect, man. Perfect. Check Your Head has the best instrumentals, some of the best rhymes, and an iconic album cover. Yauch’s bass line on “Gratitude” is the kind of fuzzy goodness that makes you want to get in a car chase filmed in slow motion (i.e. one of the aforementioned situations that were previously alluded to.)
    2. Paul’s Boutique (1989)
     
     
    Released three long and crazy years after License to Ill came out, Paul’s Boutique was a hard left turn for the group following the success they had been gaining with their debut album and their association with Def Jam. The Beasties had split from the label over ongoing financial disputes in 1988 and signed with Capital Record. They then fled west to California to record Paul’s Boutiquewith The Dust Brothers.
    The album has benefited greatly from the passing of time, as it was dismissed initially. And by dismissed, I mean it flopped (relatively speaking of course.) It failed to reach the heights of its predecessor so you know, flop.
    Paul’s Boutique is the Beastie Boys at their weirdest and most liberated, as if they were on a funky island with turntables, samplers, and a drum machine. It has become a shining moment of experimental hip hop and a testament to the band’s willingness to push both themselves and boundaries. License to Ill introduced the band to the world, but Paul’s Boutique let us see their true intentions even if it did the world a little while to catch on.
    1. Ill Communication (1994)
    Any one of the Beastie Boys albums in the top three could occupy the top spot. If overall, this is a game of inches, then the top three is a game of millimeters. Not even daylight is getting in between the top three albums on this ranking.
    Personally, I ride with Ill Communication, and as for why, well it’s because of its scope. Ill Communication is the best kind of massive album. It’s wide-ranging, expansive, diverse, confounding, and something to strive for. You can find something new every time you listen to it. They kick around elements of jazz, funk, punk, and more, sometimes in the same song. “Sabotage” will forever stand the test of time, but it’s no less important than a tune like “Root Down,” which is a top-five Beastie Boys song.
    “Get It Together” featuring Q-Tip is a master class in collaboration and the instrumentals on the album are next level. The album has 20 songs on it but it definitely doesn’t feel that long. At various points, the songs seamlessly flow into one another.
    Ill Communication is the Beastie Boys’ high water mark, the moment they became true cultural barometers. It’s one of the best albums to come out of the 1990s, and one of the best albums produced by New York City. It’s the Beastie Boys firing on all cylinders and, because of that, it’s number one.
    Portions of this piece originally appeared on UPROXX
    Ryan O'Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. In short order, Ryan loves the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, the Black Keys, the Roots, his family, The Wire & the writing of Dave Eggers although his last couple books have been “meh” at best. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys.
    To read more from Ryan, visit GiddyUpAmerica.com  
  24. Ryan O'Connell
    It doesn’t feel as if history has been all that kind to the Red Hot Chili Peppers and while they’re reportedly working on a new album, it remains to be seen if anyone is reportedly waiting to hear it. I mean, I am, but I might be in the minority there. But such is life for a band once they close in on nearly four decades together. At a certain point, an act faces a fork in the road. One path consists of playing the hits and keeping things going, while the other path is made up of new material and the pitfalls that come with dropping something new when it’s quite possible no one is all that interested anymore. It’s tough but it’s true. Just ask U2.
    For the Chili Peppers, their career can best be described as falling into three stages. There was the first stage, the one with the socks on cocks and punk-infused funk-rock and then there was the second stage, where they seemingly put it all together and became a bonafide rock ‘n roll force. Finally, there was the third stage, the one we’re currently in and the one where the remnants of glory achieved during the previous stage have long since started to fade. The band is still a draw but not nearly the draw they were and chances are, people are more likely to line up to hear something from that second stage than anything from the third stage, with a few exceptions of course. The band’s most recent albums, 2011’s I’m With You and 2016’s The Getaway aren’t perfect but that doesn’t mean they don’t have a handful of good songs on them.
    The apex of that second stage was the one/two punch of Californication and By the Way, but we would never have gotten to that point had Blood Sugar Sex Magik not happened. Released on September 24, 1991, the album was a continuation of the maturation in their sound demonstrated throughout 1989’s Mother’s Milk and for what felt like the first time, laid out a path to the future for a band that felt like they would burn out long before the turn of the century. Rock bands rarely age well. Rock bands that perform with socks on their dicks definitely don’t but with their fifth album, the band showed that there was much more to them than trash funk, tattoos, and nudity. They had songs too and good ones at that. With the help of producer Rick Rubin, the band broke through with songs like “Give It Away,” “Suck My Kiss” and “Under the Bridge.” There was still an edge to the band, but it was a different kind of edge than they had before. The punk rock tendencies had been replaced by stadium-ready rock and for the most part, there was no going back.
    Blood Sugar Sex Magik is clearly the band’s most important album, but is it the best album? As for songs, you can find a playlist of my forty or so favorites here.
    11. Red Hot Chili Peppers (1984)
    So you do one of these rankings and that first album is always a tricky one to place. Typically they end up fairly high on the list because of what they’ve come to mean and the nuggets of potential it showed. The Chili Peppers’ self-titled debut album showed a few glimpses of the band’s potential but not a whole lot. Instead, the album is a manic burst of reckless, sun-soaked energy and as a result, there isn’t much there in terms of a cohesive vision. In their defense, the band’s drummer (Jack Irons) and guitarist (Hillel Slovak) dipped out before the album was done, which probably didn’t help things. But either way, the album is a collection of songs, not an album, and of the songs involved, only something like “True Men Don’t Kill Coyotes” is worth bringing up all these years later.
    10. I’m With You (2011)
    I’m With You came out almost six years after the album that proceeded it, the double album Stadium Arcadium and with it came a band that was again looking to rediscover itself in the wake of John Frusciante’s departure. Frusciante had left in 2009 to work on his solo material and was replaced by guitarist Josh Klinghoffer, who had been the band’s touring guitarist. For the most part, there wasn’t much of a difference between the guitarists sound-wise but what was truly missing was Frusciante’s songwriting that had helped further develop the band’s sound since he rejoined after his first departure in 1998. I’m With You isn’t a bad album, but it also feels like a band playing it safe and one would never associate the Chili Peppers with playing it safe. Again, this is a band that would frequently perform wearing only socks and not on their feet.
    9. Freaky Styley (1985)
    The band’s second album featured them leaning heavily into their funk influences and fandom and what better way to do that than bring in one of your heroes to produce it, which is what they did by enlisting George Clinton to steer the recording of the album. As a result, the album is slightly more fluid and cohesive than their debut, coming almost close to having a sonic narrative throughline. The love of funk certainly helped and the album features a handful of songs that would become classics in the band’s catalog, most notably “Jungle Man” and “Catholic School Girls Rule,” as well as their cover of Sly and the Family Stone’s “If You Want Me To Stay.” The band also brought Slovak to play guitar, a move that most likely helped the band again find their way.
    8. The Getaway (2016)
    Rick Rubin and the band had worked together on every Chili Peppers’ album since Blood Sugar Sex Magik but nothing isn’t meant to last forever and change can be good, especially for an act three decades plus into their career. On The Getaway, Danger Mouse was brought in to produce and the result is an album that sounds markedly different than any of the Rubin albums. Although it’s still a Red Hot Chili Peppers’ album, so it’s not as if it sounds drastically different. The band had always felt like creatures of the night but on The Getaway, the band was the soundtrack to more of a chill, introspective night; one with some candles lit and a few bottles of wine. The vibe is different, for better or worse.
    7. One Hot Minute (1995)
    Amidst the band’s touring to support Blood Sugar Sex Magik, Frusciante bailed out for the first time. Dave Navarro of Jane’s Addiction was their first choice to replace Frusciante but was struggling with drug addiction. It would take a year or two for him to get to a place where he felt like he could join up, which he did officially in 1993. On paper, it looked like a win. There had always been similarities between Jane’s and the Chili Peppers and adding Navarro would allow the band to continue along the path they had forged with Blood Sugar Sex Magik. And at first, it looked and sounded that way but by the time they got to One Hot Minute, the melodic tendencies of Frusciante had been replaced by the big, heavy rock riffs that Navarro was partial to. One Hot Minute is a darker, heavier album than other Chili Peppers’ albums, almost sounding like the product of a different band, which I suppose they kind of were for a few years there.
    6. The Uplift Mofo Party Plan (1987)
    Okay now. By their third album, the band had started to find its footing. Slovak, the band’s original guitarist was fully back on board, as was their original drummer Jack Irons. With two albums and non-stop touring under their belts, the band put together their best and most polished effort to date. It’s was also their first album to break into the Billboard 200, driven by songs like “Fight Like a Brave,” “Me and My Friends” and “Behind the Sun.” Producer Michael Beinhorn had encouraged them to explore musical styles beyond funk and punk, leading them to dip their toes into metal, hard rock, and reggae waters. Uplift is a solid “our boys are growing up album” and if Slovak hadn’t died of an overdose while touring after the album’s release and Irons hadn’t left as a result, it’s interesting to think about what the band’s career would have then looked like.
    5. Stadium Arcadium (2006)
    Ugh, double albums. Acts think they’re such great ideas but rarely are they. More often than not, they come across as bloated and not really needed. You could cut down Stadium Arcadium from 29 songs to 14 and have a much stronger album, one that would certainly be ranked higher on this particular list. Even still, Stadium Arcadium is a certified monster of an album and was a showcase for Frusciante, who at that time was clearly operating at the peak of his powers. The album sold over seven million units and went on to win five Grammys including one for Best Rock Album. If the release was of Blood Sugar Sex Magik was the band’s first inflection point, the release of Stadium Arcadium was the second.
    4. Mother’s Milk (1989)
    The band’s two rocks, Anthony Kiedis and Flea were in rough shape following the death of Slovak, with Kiedis, who had also developed a serious drug addiction, entering rehab. Along with trying to keep their lives together, the two friends also had to find a way to keep their band together in light of losing two members. Luckily they struck gold with the young Frusciante and drummer Chad Smith who brought with him a distinctive thundering swinging style. Anchored by “Knock Me Down” and their cover of Stevie Wonder’s “Higher Ground,” Mother’s Milk was the band throwing it all out there and finally breaking through. After three uneven albums, on Mother’s Milk, they started to put it all together- the funk, the punk, and the rock.
    3. Californication (1999)
    As they had ten years earlier, the band was attempting to crawl themselves out of a hole of darkness and despair. The Navarro experiment had failed, Kiedis had relapsed and they were struggling to again seek out a path forward. The first step towards getting things back on track happened when Flea reached out to Frusciante who himself had developed a serious drug addiction since leaving the band. Flea invited him back, a move that Frusciante said was instrumental in him getting his life back together. With Frusciante again in the band, the Chili Peppers produced one of their most successful albums commercially. And while a lot of attention was paid to the return of Frusciante, Kiedis’ vocal style had changed. There was less rapping and more singing, a move that allowed the band to go in more directions, inherently making them a more interesting band as they wrapped up their second decade together.
    2. Blood Sugar Sex Magik (1991)
    If not for Blood Sugar Sex Magik, the Red Hot Chili Peppers would have faded from view and existence a long time ago. The album didn’t just save them, it re-defined them, something that was needed after a decade of shenanigans, drug abuse, and tragedy. They didn’t run from their past though, as it factored in heavily to Kiedis’ lyrics, especially in “Under the Bridge.” Even the wild side of the band was still around despite their perceived maturity, but songs like “Suck My Kiss” and “Give It Away” hit differently than they would have if they had shown up earlier in the band’s career. The album is almost a perfect example of what can happen if you give an exciting young band time to grow and have them team up with the right producer who can shepherd them along and help develop their sound without betraying everything they had done up until that point.
    1. By the Way (2002)
    Frusciante was just starting to get his act together when he had rejoined the band prior to the recording of Californication and by the time it was time to record By the Way, he was back in prime fighting shape. Yet with Frusciante’s growing role in the band a plus musically, it was a potential hand grenade culture-wise as Flea felt threatened by his elevated status in the band. Thankfully, any issues were resolved. On By the Way, the band moved away from the funk/rock of the past, something that Flea still held onto dearly. Led by Frusciante, the band explored more melody-driven sounds, whether it was lyrically, vocally, or musically. They experimented with different instrumentation, bringing in strings and keyboards, layering sounds to create a lushness that had never been heard on a Chili Peppers’ album before. If everything up to that point for the band had been various forms of chaos, By the Way was a relaxing Sunday afternoon in late summer spent sitting back and staring at the ocean. It was a calm that was much needed for the band and was needed for them to even consider moving forward and definitely needed if they were going to tackle something like Stadium Arcadium.
    Which definitely shouldn’t have been a double album, by the way.
    Ryan O’Connell is originally from sunny Portland, Maine, went to college in Baltimore, spent some time in Philadelphia, and now lives by the beach in wonderful New Jersey. He does not care for waiting, appreciates someone who maintains a nice front lawn, and harbors a constant fear of losing his keys. See more of his writing at GiddyUpAmerica.com      
  25. Ryan O'Connell
    Recently I watched Jaws. I love Jaws and rarely need an excuse to watch it. It might be one of my favorite movies and for the most part, I don’t really care about sharks. Jaws is fun to watch in the summer because it’s essentially a summer movie and you know, when in Rome. But it’s great to watch any other time of year also because if nothing else, it makes you think about summer, and studies have shown that thinking about summer is never a bad thing.
    For the record, I have never seen any of the Jaws sequels and never intend to. If they rebooted Jaws today (give it time,) I’d have to really think about it in regards to seeing it. In the end, though, I can’t imagine I’d see it. I never saw the Point Break reboot so you best be sure I’d dip out on a Jaws remake. I’ve also never seen Godfather 3 and I love the first two.
    Sometimes it’s just best to pretend some things don’t exist so as not to diminish something you love.
    A reboot is one thing but when watching Jaws this past weekend, I started thinking that it’s madness that no one has ever kicked around the idea of doing a prequel that is a Quint origin story. Prequels are like Hansel these days and it seems like with each passing day, a new one is announced. Prequels are something of a workaround for mining existing IP. It’s not a cheap out likely simply rebooting something and can be passed off as original storytelling because, in some ways, it is. It’s also not but also, kind of is. It’s a little bit of gray area.
    Yet the point remains, Jaws is a timeless classic and one of the best films of all time and Quint is the film’s best character. And for the most part, we don’t know a hell of a lot about him. In fact, what we do know barely merits a bullet-point list (but let’s do one anyway.)
    His name is Quint His hat has seen better days He likes what I think are crackers He lives in a large, open floor-plan boathouse He hunts sharks He’s apparently pretty good at hunting sharks He served in the Navy and saw some shit He got in a fight in Boston on St. Patrick’s Day (who hasn’t) He died There.

    That’s it.
    But as some like to say, there’s a lot of meat left on the bone there story-telling wise, kid. I mean, how old is Quint? Is Quint from Amity? WHAT THE HELL IS HIS FIRST NAME OR IS QUINT HIS FIRST NAME AND IF THAT’S THE CASE, WHAT THE HELL IS HIS LAST NAME?
    Can you make a living being a shark hunter or like a lot of people who live in summer communities up north, does he do handyman work during the winter months? I found a website that says he ran a distillery and ran a whale oil business, although neither of those things can be independently verified. We first see Quint interrupting the shark-planning meeting followed by Brody tracking down at his place of residence where he had the jaw of something boiling in a pot. I didn’t see anything that could point towards his other gigs as a bootlegger and/or whale oil businessman but who knows, maybe I missed that.
    Quint’s apex in the movie is probably his monologue about the horrors he experienced when the ship he was serving on during World War II, the USS Indianapolis, sank and the majority of the crew were eaten by sharks.
    It’s a gripping story and an equally gripping moment in the film. In just a shade over three minutes, you get a clearer picture of who Quint is and why he’s the way he is, hardened and stoic, not keen on dealing with those that he feels haven’t paid their dues.
    Yet even still, if we’re to assume that Jaws takes place around the time it was released, 1975, then there are about 30 years of living for Quint in between the Indianapolis massacre and his death hunting Jaws. And, if like most soldiers fighting in World War II, Quint was either in his late teens or early 20s when he was enlisted. So that would give you at least 18 years on the front end and 30 years on the backend to play with, to tell the story about a vet living his days haunted by ghosts and demons, spending his time trying to get his revenge.
    What kind of man lives a life like Quint’s, hunting sharks and possibly making booze? Does he spend most of his time alone or at some point, did he take up with a woman (or man?) Does Quint have kids somewhere? Maybe he spent some time in jail, either before or after the war? Imagine the possibilities of traveling through American history from 1920 something to the mid-seventies through the eyes of Quint? It’d be like Forrest Gump but just with more drinking, swearing, and potentially some casual racism. Probably less ping pong too. Quint seems like more of a darts man.
    And because a good prequel needs a twist, what if the Indianapolis story never happened? Or if it did, it went down much differently than Quint’s account? What if Quint was somehow at fault for it happening and that guilt led him to a life of isolation and reclusiveness? He hunts sharks not because they killed his friends but because, well, they did, but so did he and he pledges to spend the rest of his life atoning for the mistake he made all of those years ago?
    Or it did happen that way and we just get an origin story about the best character from one of the best movies ever.
    Either way, it’s a win/win, chiefy.
×
×
  • Create New...