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Tracking January's Changes

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Carol Bossard

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Note: This column was originally intended to be posted January 23rd however I'm just getting to it now. My apologies for the delay -Chris

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Here we are, past mid-January. With each fresh snowfall, our lawn is crisscrossed with tracks; cat, deer, rabbits, mice, and possum. There was one slightly larger track that featured long claws, and a dragging tail.  I’m thinking it might be a fisher. I am envisioning nightly, wild, wild-life parties after our lights are out. Perhaps Fauns, Ents and Dryads too, for all I know.

January hasn’t many holidays, but we just celebrated one that helps us remember the struggle people of color have had as to acquire the same rights as anyone else. It seems impossible to me that such extreme measures would be necessary among civilized, intelligent people, but unfortunately, too many people have been raised to think it is OK to fear and demean those fellow-humans who do not look like them, or who come from diverse cultures. This attitude needs to be outgrown and erased.

Historically, every time a new group came to the United States from Europe, Africa or Asia --- the Irish, the Italians, the Poles, the Chinese, the Vietnamese ---- they were rejected by many people.   Any “excuse” given for banning entire groups (instead of individuals) is not just undeniably lame, but immoral and unjust.  Martin Luther King *set an example of reform when he combined non-violence with continual in-your-face reminders that he was not going to give up his quest until his goals were on their way to being met. He was a 20th-century Don Quixote,**  only far more lucid. He didn’t fight imaginary windmills, but real attitudinal barriers.

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Recently, Kerm and I spent an evening with neighbors. We ranged in age from mid-80s to a delightful 4-year-old. Several of us have lived here in Spencer for decades, some came, more recently, from Guatemala and Mexico. We chatted, laughed and told stories over pizza and cookies.  But there was also some serious discussion about cultural differences and changes ---- how we regret some of those changes in values (courtesy, kindness, respect), and in ethics (courage, honesty, honor). And we felt not only regret, but fear for the future and for our grandchildren.  We have all seen signs of this letting down of standards, from the halls of Congress to the halls of our local schools. So, why do we fear? And should we fear?

I recently heard a speaker say that we all have three basic fears: fear of failing, fear of being judged and fear of the unknown. We humans fear change!! There are some valid bogymen to frighten us: worse and more frequent storms, human violence and anger, disrespect for laws, businesses that value the bottom line more than people, suffering that evokes too little compassion, and an everyman for himself philosophy.  Then, some things that frighten us are mostly in our heads.

Most people with whom I regularly have contact are fine, caring, courteous, law-abiding people  including school kids, and in spite of cultural changes!  And I know that you, who read these essays, are people who are responsible, kind and caring.  So, I’m wondering if perhaps I, perhaps we, are over-stressing the bad guys. Perhaps if we turned off the TV, stayed off the net for a while, we might feel less fearful and more trusting in the integrity and goodness we see around us. We might believe more in ourselves too.  Media not only instigates comparisons that make us feel inadequate, but shines a brilliant light on startling and dreadful things.  Humans eagerly feed on sensation, which brings in more money. We all might consider letting change bring curiosity and suspended judgement, more than fear. It is a choice.

I found this writing by Khalil Gibran.**

 FEAR

  ________

“It is said that before entering the sea, a river trembles with fear.

She looks back at the path she has traveled, from the peaks of the mountains, the long winding road crossing forests and villages.

And in front of her, she sees an ocean so vast, that to enter there seems nothing more than to disappear forever.

But there is no other way.  The river cannot go back.

Nobody can go back.

To go back is impossible in existence.

The river needs to take the risk of entering the ocean because only then will fear disappear.

Because that’s where the river will know it’s not about disappearing into the ocean, but of becoming the ocean.”

 

We may kick and scream, but change is guaranteed, along with death and taxes. Some changes might be distasteful; but some may be good.  What actual differences will these changes make?  Am I, are you, personally affected?   If change only disturbs our sense of what “should be” then maybe we don’t have to be in a tizzy.  Of course, simply burying one’s head in the sand,ostrich-like, isn’t a useful either.  Ignoring reality is not useful practice, comfortable though it may be.  We weren’t put on earth to be totally comfortable.  If I feel called to participate either for or against a particular change, then I should do that. But perhaps, it isn’t really my business, in which case, I can control my attitude and keep my mouth shut, according to Victor Frankl***  who certainly should know. We might remember Pandora’s Box. Curiosity opened that box and let a whole slew of things escape into the world; irritating, bad, scary -----and very good.  The last escapee from that box was Hope!

I often think of my mother when people complain about changes. She lived from 1898 to 1993; the Spanish-American war ended, then lived through WWI, WWII, the Korean Conflict, the Cuban crisis, war in Viet Nam and all of the “cold war” days.  She saw transportation change from horses and buggies to trolley cars to automobiles and trains, to planes. She lived through The Great Depression, saw both inept and good presidents, and watched our landing on the moon. I never once heard her moan about change, unless it was the change in her energy level and eyesight. She didn’t approve of everything she saw, but her freely-shared disapproval was specific, not general. In other words, she usually watched and waited before she labeled something.  And she was often intrigued by new opportunities brought by the change.

Wishing for the “good old years” is delusional, and a bit selfish. They may have been blissful, for you or me, but a peek into history tells us that they probably were not great for the rest of the world’s people, or even those down the street. My childhood was mostly trauma-free, and generally happy, but that was partly due to my ignorance.  I was mostly unaware and clueless about poverty, injustices, discrimination and the incredible burdens planed upon so many of the world’s people. Now we know about these things, and see horrors as they happen.  Advocacy and tireless work have made some changes (with some people kicking and screaming about changes, all the way), but much still needs to be done. And it won’t happen without different attitudes and openness to change.  I have a poster; a quotation from Gandhi*****:  “The Seven Deadly Social Sins:  Politics without Principle ---- Wealth without Work ----Commerce without Morality ----Pleasure without Principle ----Worship without Sacrifice.”

Of course, most of us cannot focus totally on saving the world.  We need balance in our lives; fun, spiritual growth, exercise and times of restoration. As you’ve probably discerned, I find my relaxation in reading, gardening, or listening to music. Others may go skiing or hiking. Or do woodworking or puzzles. This winter, I’m contemplating a rather ambitious project; writing, My Little Book of Theology.  I’m not sure why I want to do this, for I don’t plan on publishing it. I have no expertise in this field; no theological background nor do I read Hebrew, Aramaic, or Greek. But I have had, and do have a spiritual journey.  Writing about this seems like a good winter project. We all need to tell our stories of life,not for an ego-trip, but to share experiences with others who might find them useful. One of my nieces wrote a book about growing up in her family and it was very good reading. While cleaning out my mother’s house, we discovered a few pages written in long hand; some of her story. We learned several things about her that we hadn’t known, and it was like having a conversation with her again. I wish she had written more.  Perhaps, one day, when the wind blows cold, you could begin writing down some of your stories. They will surely be appreciated by someone who needs to hear them.

Meanwhile, January is waning and February is on the horizon. If you sense a case of cabin fever coming on, or are frustrated with life, my suggestion is to go outside and throw a few snowballs.  It is amazing how hitting something with a good “splat” will improve one’s mood.  What we did for fun when we were seven, often still works at seventy.   And in remembering Martin Luther King Day --- along with Presidents’ Day coming in February-- perhaps we will be inspired to face change with curiosity, courage and good sense.  The “tracks” we leave in life should allow others to safely follow and continue on our path upward and outward.

Carol writes from her home in Spencer. She may be contacted at: carol42wilde@htva.net.

 

*Martin Luther King ---20th Century advocate for Civil Rights, and a Baptist pastor.  1929-1968.

**Don Quixote ---A gentleman, created as hero of a novel by Miguel de Cervantes ---- Man of La Mancha.

***Khalil Gibran ---Lebanese-American poet and artist.  1883-1931.

****Victor Frankl ---Austrian psychiatrist who was incarcerated by the Nazis for being Jewish.  He was the author of several books, and sad this after his experiences: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms; to choose one’s attitude.”

*****Gandhi---Indian attorney, Anti-colonial nationalist, and political ethicist.   Known for his non-violent protest, and leadership in making India an independent nation.  1869-1948.

 

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