Are you sitting with your feet up, listening to lovely music and enjoying the day? Relishing the season of Advent? Perhaps not; for many, ‘tis the season of constant rushing around, and endless “to-do” lists.   For at least fifty years, I’ve been trying to bring more serenity into my very own holiday chaos, sometimes succeeding for a bit, but the rushing around always catches me at some point, tossing me hither and leaving my mind yon and a-whirl!  I find myself overwhelmed by the metaphorical weight of “wreaths, ribbons, baubles, bangles and beads.”  But, with determination (and probably advanced age!), each year, holiday time gets a little better.  I may be a slow learner, but I do pick up a hack or two every year, that, when applied, eases my holiday season and improves my mental health.

I used to be madly sewing holiday pajamas for our small sons, robes for grandmas, sachet bags, neckties, etc.  Said sons are quite large now, and can acquire their own pajamas, and I plan no more sewing projects for them or anyone else.  In the kitchen, I no longer make six kinds of candy and a dozen kinds of cookies. I find two or three kinds of cookies and one batch of fudge is more than sufficient ---especially when everyone is watching their A1C and trying to stem the tide of weight gain.  Now, usually when my head begins spinning, I very sensibly sit down and listen to some Christmas music, from the Kings’ Singers, Enya, the Monks of the Weston Priory or Rod McKuen. And I am restored. When one lightens the daily weight of too much to do, and moving too fast, it becomes possible to share the warmth and blessing of our personal Light within.

This year, because I had the misfortune of falling and injuring both ankles, just before Thanksgiving, I’m slowed down by necessity. Talk about bad timing! Or is it? While I am recovering, it is certainly difficult to rearrange furniture, hang the greens and buzz about in my usual speedy manner. And that is a bit frustrating, but impaired ability has taught me several things: 

1) It isn’t so bad to allow people to help you. I greatly enjoyed Thanksgiving where my only contribution was a casserole of Dutchess potatoes taken from the freezer.  I have felt blessed by the flowers, applesauce, Emails and cards from friends. I also was grateful for the kind assistance provided by sons and daughters-in-law.  

2)  For right now, I have discovered that I can enjoy the season without some of the decorations and traditions that I thought necessary. This may not be true of every year, but the world actually doesn’t fall apart if I take a nap instead of decking the halls.  

3) This experience has helped me to sort out what is important to our happiness and what is ephemeral. There is much that is pleasant and pretty but won’t be missed. I save my limited energy for what delights me.

One of those things is putting out simple seasonal decorations. I like pumpkins on the porch for Halloween and Thanksgiving, and then evergreens for Christmas.  When it is time (and this year, the days were so warm that the jack-o-lanterns sagged quickly), the pumpkins go to the turkeys and deer. Then, the green wreaths with red velvet bows, take over the porch. I enjoy the annual reappearance of old ornaments, setting up the creche with all our odd, collection of santons (figures), and creating a winter scene with the Sno Babies.  And I love the large bouquet of seeded eucalyptus that I only get at this time of the year. There will be one difference this year. My rearrangement of the living room in September, left no room for squeezing in a floor-to-ceiling Christmas tree. Just none!!  I’m very skilled too, at squeezing things in, but even I can’t do it this time.  So, for the second time in our lives, we will be having a table tree.

Our first, and so far, only table tree was in 1964, our first Christmas together. We lived in what was optimistically called an “efficiency apartment” just over the D.C. line into College Park, Maryland.  This abode consisted of a tiny kitchen, a miniscule bathroom, and a slightly larger room that doubled as a living room and bedroom, in the below-ground level of a house. Kerm was in grad school, and I had been working all of three months, as a 4-H and Youth educator for Maryland Cooperative Extension. To mention that our budget was tight would be redundant. Kerm finally found an “affordable” Scotch pine ($35 in 1964 was considerable!!  Rent was only $95/month!), and set it up on the only possible piece of furniture,  an oak dresser. We found some shiny inexpensive ornaments, a string of lights, and a box of tinsel. This was our first Christmas tree. And it was beautiful!

Another dilemma created by our extremely limited income that year, was with Christmas gifts. At the time, I was accustomed to giving to 14 nieces and nephews as well as the adults in our lives.  What could we do?  Happily, we found an unusual solution to part of our problem, as we were exiting a five and dime store. There was a 16-inch-tall “Gonk” on display; a creature that resembled the Shmoos in the “Lil Abner cartoons.*  When inflated, they kind of rocked and popped back up when knocked over. And they were $2 apiece.  What a success they were!  As the living room, at Christmas filled with gonks, everyone laughed and laughed, and one kid who we thought too old for a gonk, complained that he hadn’t gotten one. Happy Christmases do not have to be expensive. Inflation has made gifting a bit harder, but ingenuity still works. Baked gifts and home-made candy are always wonderful and so are promissory notes for helping out at a later time.

I grew up with a regular Christmas tree every year with lights, tinsel, and Shiny Brite ornaments, as did Kerm. Sometimes we even had “angel hair” (popular in the 1950s), that prickly-to-the-hands stuff made of spun glass, resembling cotton candy.  But after my father died, and my mother was alone, the large tree became too much for her to handle, even with help.  She gradually drifted into setting up a large crock full of evergreen branches from her own landscaping---spruce, fir, pine, and yew.  Her decorations were simple, often just bright red bows or white snowflakes! She passed the Shiny Brite ornaments on to us. I was a little sad to see that change, but the fragrance and the vision of the mixed greens was just as Christmas-y as a tree stretching from floor to ceiling.  And the really important thing, that we came home to find, hadn’t changed  the pleasure of being together.

Humans need togetherness to really thrive in life. If one’s blood family isn’t compatible, then we must create a family from friends.   No one should allow themselves to be isolated.  Everyone has heard that “no man is an island unto himself,”* and this is quite true. We need each other.  Some of us are more comfortable than others with plenty of alone time.  But every single one of us also craves companionship.  One of the worst results of the pandemic,  in addition to the deaths, and loss of many small businesses, was the effect of isolation on people. It created major difficulties for kids who were doing all of their schoolwork on line, and also for adults who had no social resources.  Some elderly people in nursing homes died without family nearby; they weren’t allowed in. I hope that if another such time comes along, we realize how damaging all that isolation can be, and will try some ideas for mitigating the loneliness even as we try to keep from spreading disease (masks are useful things after all)   We are undeniably interconnected!

The light from the sun is needed for our survival on earth. The Light that we seek, each year in December, in the seasons of Chanukah and Christmas is necessary for our spiritual enlightenment and growth.  And Kwanzaa also reminds us about the blessing of Light and a supportive community.  Releasing some of the weight of our imaginary holiday burdens and taking time to find lightness of spirit, is the purpose of Advent.  Christmas Eve is only 12 days away. Chanukah begins at sundown on Christmas Day. Kwanzaa begins on the 26^th. With dark clouds (both real and metaphorical) around every corner, carrying Light within is not always easy.   I think that this next year may be one of those difficult times for many.  We need a spiritual connection with a Higher Power than our own, we need to realize our ties to and responsibility for the earth, and we always need each other.  A personal in-filling and sharing of Light is what saves humanity and this world.  Leo Tolstoy*** knew that when he said: “There is something in the human spirit that will survive and prevail --- a tiny and brilliant light burning in the heart of man that will not go out, no matter how dark the world becomes.”  May this holiday time be full of blessings for you --- music, laughter, good memories and a strengthening of your spirit.  Let your Light shine!

Carol Bossard writes from her home in Spencer. She may be reached at: carol42wilde@htva.net.

*”Lil Abner” by Al Capp ---American cartoonist and humorist, known for his satirical cartoon, “Lil Abner”.  1909-1979.

**John Donne ---English poet, scholar, soldier and cleric in the Church of England.  “No man is an island”  came from Meditation XVII --- a study of the relatedness of humans.

***Madeleine L’Engle – American writer and teacher.  Wrote both young person and adult fiction and non-fiction.  1918-2007.

****Leo Tolstoy – Of the Russian nobility and a well-known writer.  1828-1910.