“I will make you brooches and toys for your delight; of bird song at morning and starshine at night…..”*  If I could, I’d edge this essay with lace, tie it up with a red satin ribbon, and maybe add a balloon or two; in another four days we’ll be celebrating St. Valentine. Actually, most of us aren’t celebrating the Italian (Roman) saint at all; we are celebrating those who are dear to us in some way.  And the retail markets are rejoicing over our weakness for cards, candy, perfume and lacy lingerie.

When our kids were small, we hand- made valentines ---- annually, we had a table-full of red construction paper, lace doilies, glue and glitter, and small valentines for school parties.  While I would still enjoy making valentines, I’m fortunate if I can summon the time/energy to find one in a store-full, that appeals to me, for my husband.  If I manage anymore cards, it is a delightful bonus.  And maybe that’s why my “star” is what it is for 2022. Our pastor, at the beginning of each year, has us draw a star from a basket-full of stars.  Each one has a different word inscribed on it.  This year, my word was “delight”.  How to apply my yearly word is sometimes a bit puzzling, but perhaps this particular one stresses a need to take more time for the delightful little things in life.  If that is so, I’m not alone in my need to do this. As a culture, we are so busy that often the little, fun, delightful things escape us.  We simply don’t notice.  And I think we need those things to stay afloat amid an ocean of life’s difficulties. It is the small, thoughtful reminders that keep life and love fresh.

February is the month of the amethyst, that lovely jewel with twilights and dawns in its many shades of purple.  It is the month that owls and hawks sit on eggs in their nigh nests.  It is when we start thinking more seriously about spring.    February is a full-of-birthdays month for our family; lots of celebrations, and speaking of family birthdays reminds me of a current ad (anceestry.com) that asks, “Who are the strong women in your family?”  And I laugh, because my answer is “All of them!”  As I think of the women in my family --- and there have been and are quite a few of us ---- I can’t think of even one who wasn’t or isn’t strong-minded and strong to endure.  Of course, we express our strengths quite differently; some more assertively than others, but that flexible, unbreakable core is there in each.  And since we have generally married equally strong-willed individuals, it is good that we can stand firm when necessary.   One of the excellent men who married into the family was heard to comment: “The trouble with the Wiley women is that they are always sure they are right.  And ----#^*@# -----they usually are!

Inner strength, whether male or female, is a good quality to develop, although during growing-up years, it can sometimes be problematical for parents. Societal change is slow, but I think assigning roles to people because of gender or place in society, is increasingly a thing of the past, though it does linger here and there. Our culture has historically offered women fewer options than men.  And this behavior was supported by not only men, but also some women!  When we came to this community, the church Session (governing body) had mostly been men ---- for years ---- maybe centuries.  I think perhaps one woman had been on it prior to 1979. When I was asked to serve in that august body, after some thought and prayer, I agreed.  The only individuals who called me to ask why I thought I belonged in a church leadership position, were women. I’m not sure whether they really wished to know or whether they just wanted to register a reprimand.

Maintaining the fiction of the frail little woman with a small brain, fluttery hands and a “please take care of me” appeal is quite appalling. We all need taking care of on occasion, but it isn’t gender-based.  Equally unfair, during the “Women’s Lib” days in the 60s and 70s, men were often viewed with caustic disfavor by some women simply because they were men.  Both viewpoints are generalizations about people. People need to be who they are instead of trying to fit some preconceived notion of what males and females ought to be. We need to figure out how we are called to be helpful in this world ---- and be that person. One interesting individual who speaks on the yin and yang of humans is Dr. Tieraona Low Dog**.  She is a well-educated MD, a Native American, an herbalist and one who has studied the shallows and depths of humans. If you come upon one of her books or a podcast, expand your mind by reading or listening.

For some of us, winter is a time of sorting out many things ---- thoughts, possessions, whatever needs to be sorted.   My kitchen drawers tend to accumulate things, so I’ve been cleaning out.   There were some items ---- an apple-corer that I never use, but it’s a nice design with an old green handle, so back in it goes ---- the spikey thing with the red handle, that holds an onion so it doesn’t slip while slicing.    Being in a hurry, I never pull it out, but it’s there if needed.   I have a wooden spoon whose handle curves in and out like a snake; it fits my hand nicely, stirs well and balances on the rim of a pot.  There is a flat wire whip that I use to mix beaten egg whites into a cake batter, on the rare occasions I make a sponge cake.  It came from my mother’s utensil drawer, and probably is100 years old; its handle is nearly bare of the red paint it once had.  But it works better than any other item for that one task. Out go several nut crackers and picks.  Who cracks nuts anymore?  And do I really need that garlic press?  My utensil drawer still has more stuff than necessary, but it is a bit tidier.

There is something comforting about having a good, utilitarian item that is also attractive in its basic usefulness.  We have two or three books by Eric Sloan about old tools; their symmetry and grace.   Kerm is as attracted to old tools as I am --- just a different kind ---- and has a fine collection in garage, woodshed and study.  Robert Henri*** says: “I love tools.  They are so beautiful, so simple and plain.  They have not been made beautiful; they are beautiful.”  And if they are well-used and comfortable to the hand --- as is my grandmother’s hickory wood rolling pin or Kerm’s wood planes ----- their beauty is increased.

Even by February, winter can be beautiful, but, in all its scenic frostiness, it can also be a time of hardship.  Native Americans, in the northeast, called this month’s full moon the Starving Moon.  February’s 28 days often have bitter cold and blizzard-y storms----- and wild life can suffer. I know that there is controversy about whether or not to feed birds and other wild life.   But, for our own pleasure, we do feed the birds as you all know, and I don’t chase away the deer who rob the feeders. I may even leave them an apple or two.  And I provide food and lined, sheltered baskets for the outside cats who probably aren’t feral anymore. I do draw the line at coyotes and bears; they’ll have to survive on their own.    

Humans can be in distress too. Grocery costs continue to rise as do fuel and transportation prices.   While we are taking pity on the feral cats and wistful deer, we need to remember the local food pantries and Deacons’ funds and give them a little help. There are food-challenged people in all of our neighborhoods, and many with fuel issues.  Somewhere the Bible mentions that those who have much, from them much is expected. I think that might apply to those of us with full pantries and warm living rooms.  We are surely to enjoy the good things we have, but it is my belief that we are not supposed to clutch to ourselves an over-abundance of these same good things while others are suffering.  Sharing when we can, lightens our hearts and sustains those who, for whatever reason, are finding life hard.

Even this month of love, holidays and parties, can be emotionally challenging.  SAD**** is the down-side of late winter.  A little dancing, a little singing, a heart-shaped card that says “I LUV U!”, and a lot of getting out and moving around can expand one’s mood immensely. So can greenery.  On a warm day (and surely there will be a few!) when the temperature is above freezing, cut some stems of forsythia or other supple shrub, and put the stems in water.  After a week or so, they will blossom or leaf out, bringing a little early spring. Meanwhile, remember: “When it snows you have two choices: shovel or make snow angels.”*****  Probably we should do a little of both.  Happy Valentine’s Day!!

Carol Bossard lives in Spencer NY. She may be reached at: carol42wilde@htva.net.

*from My Valentine by Robert Louis Stevenson --- Scottish poet, novelist and travel writer.  He is best-known for The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Treasure Island. 1850-1894.

**Dr. Tieraona Low Dog ---MD who studied herbal medicine, midwifery, massage and martial arts before becoming a respected medical doctor.  She researches combining natural remedies along with traditional western medicine.

***Robert Henri ---American painter and teacher.  1865-1929.

****Seasonal Affective Disorder brought about by long winters and little sun.

***** Unknown but wise advice.