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Onward And Upward

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Carol Bossard

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What wonderful golden days, even though steamy weather came too early!  Here, in the Finger Lakes, it is strawberry season.  This year I’m hoping to make jam as well as enjoying the fresh berries.   Even strawberry-less gardens are starting to look good with their emerging rows of green seedlings.  High school graduations are coming too.  Because of standardized Regents tests, school endings in NYS are written almost in stone, but there seems to be no set season for graduations elsewhere; a nephew in California graduated back in May, and a niece graduates from her second career training (nursing) in July.  New beginnings, moving from one stage of life to another, can take place at any time and are always exciting ----- rather like seeing those green seedlings popping out from garden soil.  As high school seniors toss their tasseled hats in celebration, I hope that they realize this occasion is just one milestone of many in their life-time of exploring the world and themselves.

Back a century or so ago, when Kerm and I were calling square dances with Cornell’s Recreation Team, one of the newer dances (at the time) was to the tune of “Climbing Up The Golden Stairs.”*  It was a fast, western-swing kind of square dance; fun to watch and fun to dance.  I think that moving through life is akin to those golden stairs ------ a curving, winding staircase where we are always climbing, sometimes at swing dance speed, now more slowly (with a bit of huffing and puffing).  Our graduations and other momentous happenings are like landings on the stairs. The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis** uses this phrase to describe one’s journey into eternity; “onward and upward”.  This, for me, is synonymous with continued growth and joy in the process ---- which brings me to contemplate the difference between fun and joy.

Fun means different things to different people.  COVID restrictions cancelled much of what people rely on for fun (bars, theaters, restaurants, arenas --- all closed) and many people were bereft.  Some insane individuals out there think free-climbing up sheer cliffs is fun.  Many of us find dancing and singing fun.  Some college students find their fun on crowded beaches for Spring Break.  Others enjoy a cozy evening in with friends.  Often, as young people, we are urged by our peers --- “C’mon; it’ll be FUN” ----- often for something risky.

But joy is a whole different thing.  Joy is an inner spiritual contentment; a bubbling spring inside that can’t be taken away by circumstances or time.  Joy says: “What a privilege it is to be alive.  I wonder what’s coming next…”  Anne Truitt***, in The Journal of An Artist, says: “I would be a fool to sacrifice joy to fun.”  What is good fun and what is fun in name only, might be worth a thought or two.  And does the immediate fun sacrifice later joy?   There’s nothing wrong with some fun, but fun is temporary.  Joy goes on and on.

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One of my joys – and also my fun --- is family and special days with them.  June 20th is Father’s Day this year.  Somehow, it doesn’t get the “press” that is accorded to Mother’s Day even though it is a much older celebration.  In Europe, Father’s Day has been celebrated on St. Joseph’s Day (March 19th) since the Middle Ages.  In the U.S. it was first celebrated in the state of Washington on June 9, 1910.  In 1972, the third Sunday of June was designated to be observed nation-wide.  As is true with mothers, there are good fathers, not-so-good fathers and really terrible ones.  Parents, being oh so human, don’t always fit into the nice framed picture we’d like to put them in.  Hopefully most parents do their best.

I think my father’s view of parenting was probably typical of his generation (he was born in 1895) and he was nearly 50 when I was born.  He’d already lived through three sons and a daughter, so it might be understandable that he’d quietly sigh at the thought of dealing with one more. Actually, my father didn’t quietly sigh about anything.  He expressed himself quite loudly and with vigor!  He was a bit autocratic --- of the “children should be seen and not heard” philosophy --- and easily irritated.  He saw no reason for slip-shod work, lame excuses or not getting math.  But he also didn’t mind endless games of Candyland, Chinese Checkers or listening to boring scales on the piano.  According to my older siblings I had a much easier time then they did.  If this was so (didn’t seem so to me) it might have been because my parents were tired.  A toddler in one’s mid-forties is no easy task.   

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Dad’s education stopped at high school, probably due to financial constraints, and I think that was why he was avidly pro-education.  If I didn’t get an “A” in everything, I had to explain why.  And when it came to chemistry or geometry, there was considerable explaining to do!  Also, there was no riding to school in cars with other kids when I was in high school.  Dad worked too hard to get those buses and to create a centralized school replacing the one-room school where my siblings began their education.  I was supposed to use these services!  It took me a while, but I came to realize that while he was often hard to deal with, especially in my adolescence, my father’s demands/standards were eventually going to help me be who I’ve turned out to be ----with some assets surely, like good work standards and appreciation of courtesy and honesty, but also including some less admirable traits like the quick temper and irritability.  One of Dad’s favorite desserts was home-made vanilla ice cream topped with authentic maple syrup. I wish I could offer him a dish of that now and celebrate this Father’s Day with him.  I think he would be amazed at and proud of the large extended family he engendered.

Parenting is no easy task and each generation does it differently.  I don’t think we had immovable expectations for our boys ---- except perhaps in manners and ethics, though they might have a different perspective.  And I must admit to some unwise parenting outbursts on my part during their childhood and adolescence.  Enough king-sized shoes left where I’d trip over them, jackets draped over chairs, and cereal bowls under the beds do sometimes engender a “response” after a bit.  And this doesn’t even begin to mention carburetors in the Corian sink, climbing to the tippy-top of slender firs, trees dropped on tractors, shutting one’s brother between the storm door and inside door or basketball practice in the dining room.  What I’ve observed though, from our grown sons and others around us, is that young parents, facing many of the same challenges, are doing very well and perhaps taking into consideration what each child needs more than we did.   Maybe they are also trying to correct the mistakes their parents made?   I applaud all the good fathers I know, young and older, and all those individuals of any gender who feel it is their priority to support, encourage and inspire kids to be good people.  An old saying expresses it well: “What goes around comes around”.  And it would be great if all kids come around into confident, caring, happy adults.

Seasons go ‘round and ‘round as well ----seems as though we just had the equinox but the summer solstice is June 20th, when we will be enjoying the longest daylight of the year.  And then there are weddings;  June is traditionally the month for weddings.  Planning a wedding can be fun, but can also create “Bridezilla”s along with exhausted and financially-stressed parents.   Wouldn’t it be more useful to give thought to one’s actual marriage relationship before concentrating on the event itself?  I’ve always liked this excerpt from “The Prophet” by Kalil Gibran:****  Then Almira spoke again and said, And what of marriage, Master? ‘…………………’Love one another, but make not a bondage of love; let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.  Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.  Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.  Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music………’.”  In short, do not try to control or make selfish demands on each other.  Cherish each other and help each other to be the best person each is designed to be.  Chiam!!

Meanwhile, it is mid-June and the summer stretches ahead in a long series of days, AKA those golden stairs of growth and change.  What will your summer be like?  I’d like to sit down with friends, hug family members, enjoy the garden and eat out a bit.  A few concerts would not be amiss.  But whatever actually comes, if we take the advice of Jon Kabat Zinn*****, it will be a summer to remember.  Instead of being on automatic pilot, we can explore what’s possible if we start to kindle the flame of being fully alive.”  June is a great time to be fully alive and aware as we’re moving upward and outward in unfolding life.

 

Carol may be reached at: carol42wilde@htva.net.

*Climbing Up The Golden Stairs ----An old song, a spiritual, that has been revised many a time.

**C.S. Lewis ---British writer and theologian.  The Last Battle” is from “The Chronicles of Narnia” series. 1898-1963.

***Anne Truitt --- American sculptor of the mid-20th century.  She became known for her large, minimalist sculptures.  1921-2004.

****Kahlil Gibran -----Lebanese-American writer, poet and visual artist.  1883-1931.

*****Jon Kabat Zinn -----American medical professor emeritus.  Creator of the Stress-Reduction Clinic and the Center of Mindfulness Medicine.  Born in 1944.

 

 

 

 

 

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